For thinking women aren't entitled to watch their daughters give birth?

[LOL7]

Hello,
So this is a bit of a thread. I've just had an 'argument' in the loosest sense of the word on fb with women who are moaning about their daughters 'not letting them be there' for the birth of their grandchildren! Aibu for being totally shocked about this sense of entitlement or 'right' that women should automatically be able to watch their daughter go through labour and birth just because it's their daughters giving birth to their grandchildren?

YANBU.

My mum was with us because we had some very difficult circumstances and it meant that we had extra support and I was never left alone in the room.

But nobody has the right to be there no matter who they are, not if the woman giving birth doesn't want them to be.

I wouldn't have dreamed of insisting I be present. It is ofr the mother to decide. It is not a side show. My father was there we were all born - in fact he delivered one of us (he was a doctor) as it came so quickly. In most cases even then back in the 60s the husband wants to be there.

It should be for the woman to decide.

I'm currently pregnant and plan on only having DH there. It's taken a few months for my DM to come around to the idea that she won't be in the delivery room - she was quite insistent she should be there when I first told her I was pregnant. I think it stemmed from all the ladies she works with have been present at the births of their grandchildren, but that was not a good enough reason for me!

I was there for my daughter's first two but not the third. I remember when I was in labour the first time kicking my husband out and asking for my Mum.DH was there for the actual delivery.

It's a magical thing but there's no right for anyone to be there

I remember my Mum hesitantly asking if I wanted her to be there for DC1 and the look of relief when I said "thanks but no thanks"!

It did annoy me when I was in labour and all the midwives assumed because I was young I'd want my Mum. If DH couldn't have been with me I think I'd rather go it alone.

My mum always told me she would never be there. She walked me to delivery room as my DP was getting me food, and she quickly left as it made her feel uneasy (she had two csections due to medical reasons but never would have wanted a natural birth).
I was surprised my DPs mother never asked, though I'm sure she would have said yes straight away if we had asked.
I wouldn't assume to be there but I would be happy to be

I want my mother with me, but my mum is a midwife and has seen hundreds of births. She's a calming source for me and has 5 children herself. This is my choice. She would never expect to be there and it should always be down to the woman (with input from her DP) the who she wants at the birth. I've never come across someone expecting to be there however.

I just can’t imagine asking DD or telling her I expected to be there. It wouldn’t occur to me. If she wanted me there she would ask I’m sure. And if she did I would definitely be there. But as for it being a right. No. It really isn’t.

I'd have been pretty horrified if my mum had been there and we have a great relationship. My DH said he wouldn't come to a second birth if there was one and to be honest I still wouldn't have invited my mum!

From abut 7 months my mother wanted to talk to me everyday on the phone. This involved her giving a blow by blow aspect of her pregnancies 40 years prior. Always how much worse it had been for her. She also wanted to be present at the birth of dd. No way was that happening! We didn’t announce my going into labour and therefore the birth until after the event.

Yabu. If you've given birth to a daughter then of course you are entitled to then go on and be present when she gives birth in adulthood. There is nothing like the mother/daughter bond!

Absolutely nope.

Nobody has any right at all to assume that they'll be at a birth.

I have to say that the kind of parents who are the type to moan on a forum about their 'rights' as regards barging in unwanted on another person's birth are exactly the kind of people that should be kept a million miles away!

I had DP & my grandma with me.

Oh god. My mother is anxious and flappy. She only has experience of births where things go wrong (we were emergency c-sections). Her anxiety comes out in an angry, controlling, fussing ways. She has attitude problems with HCPs. I've not even given birth, but the idea of having her around with any kind of a medical procedure makes me break out in anxious sweat!

It never crossed my mind. And I would never have asked her.

ChristmasTablecloth entitled is exactly the word...

Or maybe the more important word is adulthood. The woman giving birth isn't 'your' anything. She is, first and foremost, an independent adult, just like you are - and the only one entitled to anything is she - to her own privacy.

If you've given birth to a daughter then of course you are entitled to then go on and be present when she gives birth in adulthood

No. You aren't even entitled to a relationship with the grandchild, let alone being at the birth. You are permitted to be there - you are given the opportunity to see the grandchildren. You don't just gain these gifts as "rights" by being a grandparent!

When pregnant with DS1 my MIL (to-be) tried to convince me to have her as my second birth partner (along with DP). Errrm no i think not!!!

I'm with you OP, they sound very hard work! I didn't even tell anyone once i'd gone into labour, didn't want all the messages, just called people once she was born.

No way would I ever have a file expect my dh at the birth of our baby. It's a private thing that I don't feel anyone else should be part of.

My mum was at 2 of my 3 births uninvited. In labour I didn't have the head space to ask her to leave, and it felt too awkward. I'm not really close to her or I would have asked her. It wasn't the worst thing having her there but it does annoy me a bit she didn't give me a choice.

Yanbu! My mother and sister are trying to get me to have them with me. I am absolutely not. I can't think of much worse! It's really getting me down this week, that they're not listening to me.

I definitely don't think they have the right to be there but it seems like I'm in a minority of women who actually wants her Mum there!

I'm terrified of labour/birth and my Mum is very caring and sympathetic whereas my husband is very rational and matter of fact so I'd like them both there ideally but my husband is adamant it's just him so I'm not sure

Yanbu. Those mums will be lucky if they get to see the gc after that bratty behaviour. Telling the midwife to have a go at a woman in labour, they are lucky they weren't both told to fuck off.

My aunt and cousin told me I was selfish when I said my DH only would be there. Really upset me at the time. Mum was furious as she didn't want to be there. She had at sister's previous births because of how they happened but she hated it. She had nightmares after. My poor sister was really hurt and ill after.

Generally I’ve only heard of this atttude from people who follow it up with ‘...because DP/DH couldn’t handle it...’, like he’s the one going through labour

Obviously if DH wasn’t on the scene I would think about who I wanted to have with me as an advocate, and that might be my mum, sister or a friend. But I’d be very disappointed to think that at the point in my life where I needed DH to step up and support me despite being shit scared himself, either he, I or we had decided that he was incapable of doing so. For us, I know DH would be very hurt for me to suggest his support would be insufficient, and I think I’d take a pretty dim view if he felt he couldn’t support me.