For thinking women aren't entitled to watch their daughters give birth?

[LOL7]

Hello,
So this is a bit of a thread. I've just had an 'argument' in the loosest sense of the word on fb with women who are moaning about their daughters 'not letting them be there' for the birth of their grandchildren! Aibu for being totally shocked about this sense of entitlement or 'right' that women should automatically be able to watch their daughter go through labour and birth just because it's their daughters giving birth to their grandchildren?

is this a thing now?
It wouldn't even have occurred to me to have my MIL or mother at my children's births (now aged 10 to 14), and I don't know anyone who did!

I would never want my mum or anyone else present except dh.

Tbh I do think it's a bit...infantile maybe...to want both your Oh and your mum present. And if I'm brutally honest I don't think it's a great testament to your relationship with your oh If you also need someone else's support.

Had my mum with me for all four of my births. My husband was there too obviously, but I wanted my mum there. She never assumed that she'd be there, she's been invited by me each time.
No mum should expect to be in the delivery room with their daughter but there's nothing wrong with asking your mum to support you.

Dear god I hope not I am extremely squeamish bad enough being at my own labours would hate to be anywhere near anyone else's. Dds are on their own !

No one has the right to grandchildren at all never mind seeing them being born.

@SerenDippitty Funnily enough the op was about what rights grandparents have to their grandchildren!

Yanbu.

I think it must be a worrying time for a mother knowing her daughter is in labour but no she does not get to watch it.

I was a little queasy about the fact that my DP was there at all three. Thankfully I gave birth easily.

I did still do a poo though

I know my mum wiped my bottom when I was a babe and toddler. But still...

Holy crap. Can’t think of anything worse.

Sometimes a mother being there can be more helpful than a partner, but it can also be a total pain if they are a worrier or panicker. I'm a midwife and often will be looking after a woman who is doing a fantastic job, going with the flow, coping well and the birth 'support' will be constantly disturbing the atmosphere, 'SO HOW LONG NOW? WHAT HAPPENDS IF'...

No one has a right to be there, it's who the woman feels most comfortable around

I had my mum in with me and she was a chocolate teapot of the highest order. She dropped a can of gas and air on my foot mid contraction, wanted to try and talk to me whilst I was doing hypnobirthing, caused an argument with my best friend who was also with me and generally huffed and puffed when asked to do anything. Eventually I told her in no uncertain terms that if anyone would be huffing and puffing it would be me. Never, ever again.

My mum and DH were with me when I had DD.

I wanted her to be there for her old-school, no-nonsense approach because I knew she'd keep me calm. I talked it over with DH and she absolutely wouldn't have been there if he'd have been uncomfortable or expressed even the slightest hesitation.

Both of them were bloody amazing. DH has no family and has formed a close bond with my parents which probably explains why he was chuffed that mum got to be there.

She wasn't intrusive, she supported us both (DH particularly when it got a bit scary) and if I have another baby I would ask her to be there again.

That said, it isn't something she ever expected or would expect but feels it was an absolute privilege to be part of such a private moment.

she let herself down though when the midwife asked me if I'd like some tea and toast and she said "yes please I'm starving!"

I did broach this with my mum after one too many episodes of OBEM just in case she had a secret desire to be there - and she put me right in no uncertain terms

I was privileged to be asked by my daughter to be at the birth of her second child. Her husband didn't cope well with the birth of the first and fainted. She said afterwards that she felt much better for having me there to support her.

I can imagine DD2 asking me to be there, but insisting I stay up the top end, but I can’t imagine DD1 wanting me anywhere near the hospital never mind in the same room.

I wish I’d had my mum with me when DD1 was born but she was looking after my son. I’d have been better off getting exH to stay with DS and mum being with me.

People can be entitled arses at any age.

I had my mum at my first birth and my partner - it was great and Mum was a huge support to both of us.
Expecting baby number 2 and will probably do the same again.

It's a very personal choice my friend had her sister with her as her partner isn't very good with blood etc.... he came when it was all cleared up!!!

My mum and I have always been close but she was the last person I would have wanted with me. My husband was with me every time and I also had my cousin with me for two of the births. But no way would I have wanted my mum!

The way helicoptering parenting is trending, it's a wonder we haven't heard of mums insisting on being present at their grandchild's conception.

I'm a hypocrite as I'd like to be there when/if my dds have children but I didn't want my mum there. I'd put absolutely no pressure on though, just say I'm here if she wants me there.

I loved it being just me and dh when I have birth to mine. With my second there was a lot of people in the room but all students watching the birth for research and I'd already agreed to that. That's different though IMO as its their work and I'm happy to help out the people that may be delivering my grandchildren one day!

I made it clear if for whatever reason dh wasn't with me I'd rather be alone.

I would never have wanted my DM there! Or anyone but dh for that matter - and he couldn't be there for no. 1 anyway. I had nobody that time, and I can't say it bothered me at all.

As a GM now, I never wanted to be with dd for her births, either, and I don't think it ever even entered her head. Not because we're not close, but I'd only have been in a terrible tizz throughout - I'd have hated to see her in pain.
For her first I said I only wanted to know once it was all over. Happened to be with her when no. 2 started, and thank goodness it was all over very quickly,
She only ever wanted her dh both times.

What...? I've never even heard of this being viewed as an entitlement

This world gets stranger and stranger.

I think it's an individual thing tho, I can't imagine it being an assumed right. When DDs' time comes I'll be there if they want me to, if not I will be be outside the delivery room with a good book or 2

When we got home from hospital after I'd had DD1 my mum and aunt were there's House was spick and span, dinner had been prepared, I was able to get a good sleep. It was so nice that 20+ years later I still remember it. That's what I want to do for my DDs.

I had my mum and my then-best friend with me (had fallen out with DS dad while I was pregnant). I'd asked the friend early on, Mum asked if she could come and I said yes: I was very, very glad to have them both.
But I think it is entirely up to the pregnant woman who she chooses to have with her (though sometimes things don't go according to plan - one friend of mine, who was almost phobic about birth and babies, had to be birthing partner to another friend who went into labour three weeks early while her partner was out of the country...)

As a mum I absolutely did not want to be there. Why would I want to watch my daughter going Through labour? Fortunately she feels the same way.

I am much more useful once baby is home and the sleepless nights begin. Second grandchild is expected in November and I am looking forward to helping out with her big brother and giving my daughter as much rest and support as I can.

God no! My Mum is what can only be described as a totally Stately Homes kind of parent. In fact, We were NC for a long time and I only got back in touch with her about 2 years ago. She doesn't even know I'm pregnant yet and we joke about not telling her until the baby is in secondary school!

She pretty much forced herself upon my sisters first labour and then, typically of her, slagged my sister off to all and sundry about how pathetic she was during the labour. Funnily enough she wasn't invited back for the birth of my sisters second child which was a planned cesarean because of the complications of her first.

She thinks that her 2-4 hour labours are typical and women who scream and cry out in pain are weak. She used to say "They don't scream when it's going in them!". She was horrible about my SIL's births too. She thinks only of herself and her presence would get my back up so much. She will not be invited.

But I also know she will be mortally offended when I don't ask her to be present on top of the shit she'll give me for not telling her as soon as I got the BFP. My reason being that she announced my SIL's first pregnancy literally 37 weeks before the baby was born and announced the sex of all her grandchildren before the parents had a chance... she will be told as I literally press send on my public announcement

My DH will be there and I would allow his parents to come as soon as the baby is declared fit and well but that is about it.