For thinking women aren't entitled to watch their daughters give birth?

[LOL7]

Hello,
So this is a bit of a thread. I've just had an 'argument' in the loosest sense of the word on fb with women who are moaning about their daughters 'not letting them be there' for the birth of their grandchildren! Aibu for being totally shocked about this sense of entitlement or 'right' that women should automatically be able to watch their daughter go through labour and birth just because it's their daughters giving birth to their grandchildren?

Couldn't think of anything worse. Luckily my mum felt the same and said that she wasn't even awake when she had us so she didn't want to be at any one else's.

Thank you. 4 years later and I still can’t think about the birth of my first without crying!

Second birth was lovely though and my DH actually bought my mum in as surprise as he knew how much it meant to me but knew I was too scared to ask!

The person giving birth should decide who is there, tho some who don’t have partners will want their mums there but again it’s them giving birth

Yanbu, I specifically told my mum I did not want her in the delivery room but my birth was really quick and she ended up being there uninvited. I am still not happy about this years later as it was a special moment for me and dh, not dm!

My mum invited herself to my first which annoyed me but didn’t want to upset her. Second time my partner called her as he needed help as he’d just delivered his child. I was happy to see her at this point.

My sister specificaaly said in her birthing plan she didn't want my mum to speak to her during labour we love her dearly, bless her, but she can be really irritating when she's trying to do her nursey 'oh let's talk about something that will distract you' thing

I originally said I only wanted my partner with me during the birth... but my mum drove up when she heard I was in labour and I was so grateful to see her. It was lovely.

But you're right OP. No-one is entitled to be there...

I read the first few pages of the babycenter thread, and couldn't believe it. Is this sort of thing normal in America? Extended family and friends "hanging out" in the delivery room, taking photos, eating pizza, watching TV, arguing, making demands...

Even if some women are OK with this, I can't understand why the medical staff would be. In an emergency, surely they'd need to be able to move and communicate quickly, not have to step over assorted bickering muppets?

Here's the link again for those who couldn't see it.

community.babycenter.com/post/a25798437/the_best_of_delivery_room_dramas

Know some women like mums at birth but never heard them expected to be there. Always thought that was husband's perogative.

People would not normally have mother their unless they were very young. I saw a picture of one young girl in labour with her mum there and then posted on social media. Why on earth would you do that.? Apart from attention seeking.

@ChristmasTablecloth
Yabu. If you've given birth to a daughter then of course you are entitled to then go on and be present when she gives birth in adulthood. There is nothing like the mother/daughter bond

No you actually have no right or entitlement to be there unless asked, you are not owed a spot in the birthing ward, hell your not even owed a relationship with the grandkids
With your attitude im glad your not my mum.

party at mine

DC 1- DM, DH, DB (he did step outside at crucial moment but was there for most of it and was great- parked car, chatted up nurses, provided macdonalds ), DF in corridor

DC2- DM, DMIL, DFIL

My mum wasn't at either of my births - I didn't want her there and she didn't want to be there (we do have a good relationship). She said she couldn't imagine watching one of her children go through that much pain (told me that years later). It's a very special event giving birth, no one has a right to be there.

I was at the birth of both my grandchildren. Because I was ASKED!! Not because I expected to be. The first time my dd was only 16. It was very difficult to watch my baby having a baby but I was honoured to comfort her and cut the cord. The father was there, like a rabbit in the headlights! He was young too.
The second time was very recently. A very different experience, again I cut the cord because dad was squeamish! Then my daughter was rushed into theatre 😭. Very very scary! But I'm glad I was there to support her, she needed me.
But it ISN'T anybody's RIGHT to be in the hospital/home with the woman giving birth.
I had my mum with me, because I wanted her there! Thankfully she didn't mind & I couldn't have done it without her!!

I would want my mum above anyone else but know that's not necessarily true of other people. I don't think it should be expected - on either side- or standard. My DM knows I am quite blunt and when I bar her I mean it and when I want her I mean it.

DM has seen me at my worst, can deal with me in pain, stays calm and would fight like a lioness for me and put ME first because I'm her child. DP would panic and flap.

@Blackness78

I Really hope so because I would hate to think there were two of her

I had my mum with me for all except the last (emCSection in middle of the night), and my sister had her there for the birth of her son, but we asked her! She's never felt entitled to be there, and has.previously said, after two of mine, and my sister's, went really badly, that as glad and honoured as she was to have been there, she partly wishes (in the best possible way!) that she wasn't there as it was so traumatic! But if we'd said "you can't be there" she wouldn't have kicked off, she would have been fine about it! Some mum's are strange!
In actual fact, after having two traumatic births myself I'm actually dreading my two daughters asking me when they eventually have kids as I don't want to see my little girls in pain! But of course I'll be there IF they ask me, and not expect to be.

I had my mum at my first birth along with my DH. Did she have a right to be there? God no. Of course not.
OP, perhaps if the woman in question had been a nicer, more supportive, loving mum then her daughters might have been inclined to want their mum around for the births knowing she wanted to attend.

My experience of the grandmas to be in the room are mostly them being very overbearing; just generally in the way and making everything about them “ oh in my day” etc etc. It’s exhausting as I personally felt I needed to give them as much attention as the actual Mum I was looking after. It was helpful for the younger girls coming in but by and large I don’t know how anyone actually benefitted from the grandma being there

Oh god, is this a thing now? My daughters are still only primary school age, but I felt a bit ick when one of them had their ears pierced. I can't imagine wanting to be there in labour (unless they drastically wanted me there for whatever reason)

My first labour was difficult and complicated and I wouldn't have wanted mum to see it. After my first my husband was so upset at what he had seen us both go through, I told him he didn't need to be there for our second but he said he wanted to. My mum looked after my son - I never considered inviting her.
My second was a dream delivery and definitely made up for the first!

Dh’s ex had her mum at her first birth and he said it pretty much ruined it for him.

He felt very much like a spare part while his mil did the whole you’re a man, you can’t possibly help, just keep out the way while us women get on with things...

He was pretty amazing at both of my births. Picked up on the fact I wasn’t “right” which prompted the m/w to get a 2nd opinion, and led to an immediate emcs, and managed to communicate what i needed even when i could barely speak. Took the baby after and calmed a couple of staff down when i wouldn’t hold him, i just needed 20 mins for the drugs to wear off a bit. I think they thought I was rejecting him or something.

Nothing to do with his sex. Just being the person that knew me best.

This is an utter load of crap. Not everybody’s “mother/daughter bond is the same.

@ChristmasTablecloth
Yabu. If you've given birth to a daughter then of course you are entitled to then go on and be present when she gives birth in adulthood. There is nothing like the mother/daughter bond

@skweekums and others

I see no one picked up that I was making the point that this is a silly question for AIBU. AIBU is for asking whether you're right or wrong in circumstances where you're not sure.

Any fool knows that no one is entitled to be present when a woman is giving birth!

It's as absurd as asking "aibu to be annoyed that people don't pick up their dog's shit?"

or "aibu to think you shouldn't neglect children?"

Similarly, I'm glad you're not my daughter as I would have credited her with more intelligence even though she is still a child. Quits now?

My mum was dreading having to be with me for the birth of DD1, luckily DH got there in time so she didn't have to be. She outright said she did not want to watch me suffer through labour. No one has the right to be there, even the father is there at the invitation of the labouring woman.

The birth of our firstborn was just myself and DP. DM offered to be there if I wanted her, but it was a very clear offer, not a demand or expectation. MIL assumed she was going to be there, even going as far as to suggest I give birth in the hospital next to her so she could get there easier (even though we were planning a home birth). She was promptly put right

Due DD on 20th August and we're planning a home birth again. We're asking DM to be in the house to watch DS if things are kicking off properly when he's awake. He'll either stay home and potter about with DM there to care for him and DP caring for me, or if he's not coping/getting on my wick I'll have him an overnight bag ready and DM can take him back to her house. We're just playing it by ear really. She may or may not be in the room when I birth, it depends on what DS is doing at the time.

I can't believe fully grown women want their mums at the births or indeed that a grandmother expects to be there. Have never met anyone who has thought this way in RL