Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking women aren't entitled to watch their daughters give birth?

341 replies

LOL7 · 02/07/2018 11:47

Hello,
So this is a bit of a Hmm thread. I've just had an 'argument' in the loosest sense of the word on fb with women who are moaning about their daughters 'not letting them be there' for the birth of their grandchildren! Aibu for being totally shocked about this sense of entitlement or 'right' that women should automatically be able to watch their daughter go through labour and birth just because it's their daughters giving birth to their grandchildren?

OP posts:
Churrolicious · 04/07/2018 12:25

My MIL ended up delivering my second DC because I went into labour unexpectedly and things progressed very quickly. I wish my DH hadn't missed it, but never in a million years would I have wanted my DM there - and she wouldn't have wanted to be there and wouldn't have been able to cope with watching me in pain that way.

MIL was bloody brilliant and pretty calm all things considered, but it's slightly different I think.

Honestly I don't understand how people can assume they have the right!

Helmetbymidnight · 04/07/2018 12:26

If the person giving birth wants her mum there, and the mum wants to be there, its a lovely idea, if not, then no.

If the person giving birth wants her husband there, and the husband wants to be there, its a lovely idea, if not, then no.

Surely its not much more complicated than that?

(And no, I don't think it says anything about gender segregation(?) or a woman's feelings towards her partner.)

Flisspaps · 04/07/2018 19:11

That babycenter thread has made very grateful for being in England!

ILs staring at your fanny, Drs giving you drugs to stop ctx so they can put in an epidural and then start pitocin (syntocinon) to start ctx again, almost everyone on the thread was induced at 39w or to suit the Drs schedule and/or had a CS when labour stalled (not surprising with MIL about 6 feet away wailing), not getting baby straight away, fucking outrageous behaviour in the waiting room (so pleased most hospitals here don't have those)

The lack of choice and informed consent is striking.

placemats · 04/07/2018 19:18

So many people on this thread who gave birth with just themselves and their partner!

I had at least two midwives and several other HCPs come in in all my three births. I'd never met the majority of them in my life.

BadPoet · 04/07/2018 19:34

Everyone was under strict instructions to leave us alone when I went into labour with first child. Didn't stop my mum turning up at the hospital and trying to see me. I had to get the midwife to refuse her and honestly, it strained our relationship because she couldn't understand why I didn't want her and I couldn't understand why she wouldn't just respect my wishes. I'm still glad I did it though, I needed the peace. So definitely YANBU.

Proseccoagain · 05/07/2018 20:54

The last person I would have wanted there would have been my mother, just no way. It was just DH and me, our baby, (medical staff there of course). Neither would I want or expect to be there at any grandchild's birth; it's a private and personal experience for the mum and dad.

Helmetbymidnight · 05/07/2018 21:00

I had dsis there, three times (dm is dead) that worked very well for me. Who is there to support us when we give birth is our choice.

Skyejuly · 05/07/2018 21:10

I had my mum and my sister with me both times!

Floradoranora · 05/07/2018 21:24

I can't believe fully grown women want their mums at the births or indeed that a grandmother expects to be there. Have never met anyone who has thought this way in RL

I didn’t expect to be at the birth of any of my grandchildren but my daughter and daughters in law thought differently so I was present at the birth of all 7 of my grandchildren. At one of the births my daughter in laws mum came from a few thousand miles away and there was no common language between us and the staff but helping her help her daughter through the birth was one of the most wonderful things I’ve ever experienced. It was womanhood at its best.

After each birth I would never have expected to be present the next time the person gave birth but each time I was asked if I would be there so I was.

I find it strange that someone can’t use their thinking skills and realise that their norm isn’t everyone else’s norm.

OriginalGeordie · 05/07/2018 21:27

YADNBU! My mum, as much as I love her, is the last person I would want there. She is a worrier and would be so anxious, although I know for a fact she wouldn’t want to be there. DM is very vocal that it should be the woman and partner only.

I did take her along to one of my scans as DH was away with work. You would have thought I’d given her the world as she never had scans and had not witnessed one. That was lovely to see.

SusanneLinder · 05/07/2018 21:42

I was at the birth of my first DGC. Simply because my DD asked me to. I was delighted to be there, but I didnt expect or insist. I didnt go to the 2nd birth, I knew she would ask me if she wanted to, and it was fine. I looked after DGC no 1 instead.

It's a decision for the daughter, not the mum.

DwangelaForever · 05/07/2018 22:30

Looking back on it, although I didn't want my mum at my birth, and she wasn't very good support to me (she gasped when she saw me bleeding - which when I was high on gas and air panicked me loads, but midwife said it was fine) she was quite good support for my husband.

This time around I'm hoping to have a planned section rather than labour and end up with an emergency section again. So it will just be me and hubby. If I go into labour myself it will just be me and hubby I dont want her there again

Skyejuly · 06/07/2018 18:17

My mum was brilliant!

NataliaOsipova · 06/07/2018 20:38

I find it strange that someone can’t use their thinking skills and realise that their norm isn’t everyone else’s norm.

This should be plastered across Mumsnet as a banner headline..... Well said!

toomuchtooold · 06/07/2018 20:52

I start to wonder how these women got through the whole of parenthood without learning that your job is to be in hand if they need you, and to butt the fuck out if they can manage by themselves. I mean, you first encounter this idea when the kids are about 18 months old and they start wanting to put their own shoes on and stuff. I imagine these mums being the sort who'd be like "Don be ridiculous darling, you know I can do this better than you can" for fucking everything till they end up with a 23 year old who can't choose their own clothes.

bandthenjust · 06/07/2018 21:02

I think it's upto the daughter and her partner!
I had to have an emergency c-section with my first daughter, and obviou sly my husband came with me to the operating theatre, but my mum was told she couldn't come through. W ell. She went absolut ely bat shit fucking crazy, started putting vile messages all over facebook along the lines of 'fuck the mother, just send the pissing (then) boyfriend through'. she then s pent the rest of the time at hospital ignoring everyone, and ruining the whole experience.
At the time, heavy snow had completely blocked off roads etx, and we struggled to get home. I ended up asking my mu m for a lift to which she replied in txt 'lol'.
Got MIL to give us a lift Confused
Imo I'd rather NOT have my mum there!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread