For thinking women aren't entitled to watch their daughters give birth?

[LOL7]

Hello,
So this is a bit of a thread. I've just had an 'argument' in the loosest sense of the word on fb with women who are moaning about their daughters 'not letting them be there' for the birth of their grandchildren! Aibu for being totally shocked about this sense of entitlement or 'right' that women should automatically be able to watch their daughter go through labour and birth just because it's their daughters giving birth to their grandchildren?

I’ve always maintained the only person I wanted present when giving birth was the person who was present when the baby was conceived.

YADNBU

I definitely wouldn't want anyone other than my husband (and the medical professionals) at the birth of my children and that's what I had. It's a special moment for us which should be just for us. Plus I would hate for my husband to feel pushed out because my mum was there! That would be totally unfair on him!

That's not me saying that anyone who has had or wants other people at their births shouldn't because it's personal to you.
But for me nope wouldn't what anyone else there just husband :)

Gosh no, it’s up to the woman giving birth who is there. I had a c section and it was only DH there. My mum who I love dearly had told me that she wouldn’t want to be at the birth,but would come if there was some emergency that my husband couldn’t attend. No way on earth would I have wanted MIL there (and I’m close to her, but, just NO)

I had my mum there for birth of DS1. He was extremely prem and it wasn’t clear whether he would make it. I was also poorly. She was there as a support for DH and he really appreciated it. 4 years later when DS2 came along it was just DH and I and we didn’t even tell anyone I was in labour until baby was born (luckily he came while DS1 was having a sleepover with his grandma and it was a fairly quick labour). Both times it was right under the circumstances.

We had this with MIL. She was in a sulk for weeks because I wouldn't "allow" her to support DH.

Yes because he was the one who had a push a baby out of his vagina!! luckily DH thought it was batshit too and we gently told her it wouldn't be happening. She's still bitter about it now...

Forgot to add YANBU!!

I also found the demanding behaviour from some visitors quite overwhelming. Again MIL was a pain.

People do seem to think they have some kind of right, which is just ridiculous.

My mom was with me for my first as I hadn’t seen the father for six months at that point and I needed some support.

The next 4 my husband was my birth partner and he was brilliant.

I have 4 daughters. I have no desire to be with them if and when they give birth but if I am asked I will go along x

I’m pregnant and will just be having my DH there

My mum mentioned how if she was there at the birth she’d tell me to ‘stop that silly screaming’ so yeah.. I’m thinking thats a no!

A lady at work proudly announced (when her daughter was expecting) that she would be in that birthing suite whether her son-in-law liked it or not because that was her first grandchild that was being born .

The last thing I'd have wanted in labour was my DM in the room with me, and thankfully it's the last thing she'd have wanted too.

I was surprised to be asked and as I’m squeamish I was worried but all was fine.

It was a real privilege to see 3 of my DGC being born but in no way was it my ‘right’. My DiL had her mum at her births. Each to their own.

And it’s not ‘childish’ or ‘infantile’, it’s very much the way births used to be with older women there and men very much on the outside.

I would not have wanted my mother at either of my births as she had a very strange outlook in that if you had an epidural or C section you had somehow failed. I loved her dearly, but I remember her making some very disparaging remarks about one of my SILS who apparently 'panicked at the last min' and had an epidural, and her going on about how well my other SIL had done a few months previously for only having gas and air. This really stuck with me, even though I was only five when they had their first babies. That combined with the remarks I got about having only getting pregnant to take the attention off my sister's third pregnancy (!) helped make my mind up on that one. I was fairly close to my mum when she was alive, but god she could be PA!

TBH I wish I hadn't bothered having anyone at my DD's births as Ex H was absolutely useless at both. At the birth of my first DD he spent most of the night complaining he was hungry and the canteen was shut (we didnt arrive until 8pm) then proceeded to eat all of the snacks and chocolate I had packed in my hospital bag for during my stay. At my second DDs birth, we arrived at the hospital around 10.30pm, an hour later he had curled up on the little sofa in the birthing suite and gone to sleep! Midwife was livid on my behalf. Then he left shortly after she was born, and didn't return until 7pm (his excuse was he was too tired to make the trip back to the hospital in the afternoon as he had been up all night), nor did he bother to inform any of my family and friends that she had been born, so I had no visitors either because he 'thoughtfully' took my mobile phone, bank cards and cash with him 'in case they got stolen'. Selfish twat.

I would never of wanted my Mum there, we're no close and she would be very critical..she also doesn't do other people in hospital getting attention

Older DS was there by accident..it was never intended

God no. For dh's eyes only - and even that I'm not sure about now.

My mum went as far as to say ‘gosh, you don’t want me to be there do you?’ And that was the end of that!

Fortunately I didn’t 😃

Although tbh I’m not sure I want DH there next time

Really? Mine are all teens and older and I don't remember anybody's mother suggesting they be present when their daughter gave birth - maybe it's come from people watching OBEM??

YANBU but I wanted my mum at both my births as knew my husband couldn't cope with it. She was at my first and was a godsend and came to theatre with me when iI needed an EMCS. She was the first to hold DD. She was supposed to be my birthing partner for my second but I had an extremely fast delivery so actually ended up with no one there but she was first on the scene! DH was very grateful that my mum was happy to be there!

When I had my first, my partner got sent home as the labour wasn't progressing. A few hours later I had quickly dilated and it was obvious I was going to give birth very soon. The midwives asked me for my partners phone number but I couldn't remember it due to the pain so I gave them my mums as the only one I could remember was "home". I told them that she knew the number of DP and they could contact him that way.
Instead, my Mum turned up WITH him, even though I hadn't asked her to attend!
I was mortified but too far advanced to really say anything.

My mother (a doctor) told me slightly sheepishly that she hoped I didn't want her to be in the delivery room with me, as she'd booked a holiday before we told her I was pregnant, and if DD arrived early she'd still be away! I assured her that it hadn't even occurred to me to ask her!

I did get a bit annoyed that my PILs came to visit in the hospital, when we had very definitely said no visitors till we were home. They claimed they "just happened to be passing" - yeah right, they live at least 100 miles away!

Lol, Is this a 100% in agreement thread?
Agree with you, OP. No one is entitled to be there. My Mum would have been horrified if I'd asked her, and we didn't have that kind of relationship either. As much as we loved each other and got on well we both still had our boundaries.
If I had my time again I'd give birth with just the midwife(s) present. I didn't really need a birthing partner and my kid's Dad (my ex) didn't really want to be there.

I am glad that everybody agrees that's it's up to the woman in labour and her only, but within reasons. Some hospitals had to clearly limit the number of visitors during the birth.

I think it should go both ways, and the birth shouldn't be imposed on other people either. I mean that if you want a home birth for example, it's your right, but don't put that on your children. Giving birth is as natural as can be, but it can still be a trauma for the poor kids who have to be around.

Perhaps it's more common in people without partners, or young mothers.

My mother was the sort of person who would probably have expected me to give birth with my knickers on, not make a sound and certainly not make any mess , so she would certainly not have been my first choice of birth partner!

I have to agree with some others that dh in retrospect wasn't brilliant. He looked miserable and panicked and his first words upon seeing ds were, "Oh my god!"

Rather bizarrely bil and sil turn up with all their family at gc births (about ten people). What the hospital staff think, I can't imagine.

Oh no, I couldn't bear my mother being there. Or anyone other than DH!

Good job really, my mum said she couldn't think of anything worse than watching her own child go through all that pain! She also said she'd quite like to attend a birth - just not mine!

She'd have been there if I'd have really wanted her to I'm sure.

I did not want my mother present when I gave birth. She was a bit miffed but it is not a spectator sport. I can't think of anything worse tbh. The sense of entitlement out of some people is staggering.