For thinking women aren't entitled to watch their daughters give birth?

[LOL7]

Hello,
So this is a bit of a thread. I've just had an 'argument' in the loosest sense of the word on fb with women who are moaning about their daughters 'not letting them be there' for the birth of their grandchildren! Aibu for being totally shocked about this sense of entitlement or 'right' that women should automatically be able to watch their daughter go through labour and birth just because it's their daughters giving birth to their grandchildren?

I’d be honoured if my dd asked me, however I wouldn’t expect to be there.
No way on earth did I want my mother there, she would have driven me demented!

My mum was with me for most of my Labour & in theatre when my son was born by EMCS, she was the first person to hold my DS & dressed him for me.

My then DH had been diagnosed with MS a month before DS was born & was in a wheelchair, my mum kept him fed & watered, she supported mè through being induced & held me still while I had my epidural, I was so glad she was there in theatre with me as I was terrified, she never blinked when I haemorrhaged, just kept on telling me that I would be ok.

I still remember a thread from another parenting forum from a woman who was sobbing her heart out in hospital... because her daughter-in-law had refused to let her into the delivery room. She said that missing out on the birth of her first grandchild was the most painful moment of her life. She was promptly savaged by posters pointing out that A) her daughter-in-law was the one pushing a person out of herself, and B) she must have had an extremely easy life! She did apologise and admit that she overreacted, which suggests that she wasn't a troll - trolls don't give in that easily.

My mum was there with me. DH had a severe hospital phobia and would have been useless, also he had DSS at home. I wouldn't have had it any other way. But that was my choice as the person giving birth - my mum was pleased I asked her to but it wasn't something she had expected.

Your daughter is one thing, but can you imagine if your DIL asks you to be there? I guess I would say yes to support her of course, but I am rather hoping mine never does

Definitely would not have wanted this at all

If you want your mum there, fair enough, but if you don't they have no right to be there.
My DM tried to gatecrash my birth with; "I've always wanted to a see a birth ..... before I die...." and she wept a little at the thought of her impending doom and how much easier she would meet her fate if she had seen a baby born (she was fit and well by the way and only 61).
No, no and no. And then another no to put in the bank in case she lost the earlier 3.
I dread the idea of my DD ever asking me to be there - the idea of watching her in so much pain would be very hard. Rather be at home with a glass of fizz waiting for the phone to ring.

Oh god no I don't want my dm there. I think it's a bit weird those that do (but each to their own)

Dd tells me she's never having dc but I would be thrilled if she asked me to be there.

I wanted my mum there - especially for my first but she said no which tbh....was extremely hurt by. We are close but she has always struggles with emotions and being affectionate. Never tells me she loves me etc.

I'm in my 3rd pregnancy now and I won't be asking her to be at the birth.

I have a daughter and I personally would love to be at the birth of her children if she wanted me to be. But there's no way I'd take offence if she didn't ask

I’m with those who wish they didn’t have to be at their own dcs birth much less have others there. Having babies would be so much easier if you didn’t have to first grow them then push them out of your vagina.

No, I don't think mums have the right to be there. I might have liked my mum there if I was giving birth in the standard way (had to have medical c-sections) but she wouldn't have offered or presumed that she'd be coming.

My sister was invited to her son’s girlfriend's giving birth. (This is in the U.S) My sister told me the girl’s parents, grandparents and a great grandparent were there. My sister and the other grandmother held up a leg each for the final pushing and the the baby’s dad and her dad watched down below.

This image has always stayed with me and it’s been many years now. The girls sister had half a dozen babies and the whole tribe showed up for those as well, so it some sort of family tradition I guess.

I saw on TV this girl had a brother-in-law film the actual birth because the babies father was deployed in Iraq. I would not want my BIL being there let alone looking and filming my bits.

I just wanted my husband there and the necessary medical staff.

My mum asked to be there and then asked to wait in the hospital waiting room. I have said no to both and she has accepted it. I understand why she wants to be there as with my half brother she was left alone as times were very different for a single mother in the 60's, she was sent away and the dad wasn't around.
I did however point out I have a very supportive Hubby and didn't want the pressure of anyone else waiting for me to give birth.

Its a privilege not a right to see a baby born,

Being entitled to be at a birth where you aren't either the mother or the baby isn't a thing.

I wanted my mum there and she was more than happy to do so. Im glad she got to welcome ds into the world with me. She cut his cord too which i felt was sweet as he was her first grandson

Currently pregnant and mum assumed she was going to be at the birth - wasn't very easy to tell her no and now I'm guilted about it every time I see her! YANBU - it's not a right. I love my mother but she's the last person I'd need in an already stressful situation.

Didn't appreciate MIL telling her that she was present at all of SIL's 3 births either!

@polkadotpixie, if you want your mum with you have her it’s you in Labour not your Dh, he can of course voice an opinion but he cannot or should not tell you who to have with you.
My dd wanted me there with her & my son in law, I did not expect it but my goodness what a privilege, she was in labour four days & it was tough.
She said that having me & her Dh there, helped her get through it & tbh I think I would have gone a bit out of mind with worry, as it was such a long labour, but at the same time I would never have asked dd to be there, just eternally grateful that I was & she wanted me there & her Dh did thank me afterwards & was glad of the support to both him & dd.

I was surprised that dd wanted me to be at the birth of dgs1, I just assumed she would want her partner only, but as he worked away I would take her to hospital and wait until he got there if necessary but no she wanted us both there, so I stayed.
By the time dg2 arrived she and her partner were no longer together, so that time I assumed she would want me there and she did, because apparantly I am calm and good at doing the 'stupid breathing thing' (couting breaths in and out).
She had a haemorrhage after both births, the second one involving an emergency rush to theatre after she lost consciousness through blood loss. If she is ever stupid enough to have dc3 I will be torn between wanting to be at least waiting at the hospital, even if she doesn't want be at delivery, just in case, or miles away on the idea that ignorance is bliss.

I think it is a mixture of reasons...
In the past it was 'womens work' and men on outside...

but then men became more involved...changed to husbands/partners supporting.. DH was at our DCs births so I could scream at him for putting me in that position

Recent years ..
more single mums so want someone there...
or
dependent/juvenile adults who cant let go of mummy
or
pushing men back out towards 'its womens work'' then complain about men not being engaged in their families

Yanbu. It's the mother's choice (mother being the one in labour) and nobody else's.

I wanted my DM there. To be a support for me AND DH. DH has no family of any use and is slightly deaf, he doesn't always hear things adequately, especially if people are talking fast or there are a lot of voices. She ended up being my advocate when I refused forceps. I wanted her there so she could bless the baby soon as DC was born.

Although, when it was really getting to the sharp end, before the epidural was installed, you could have brought a matching band through, I didn't give a shit. I vaguely remember a crowd of medical students.

It was the norm for babies to be born at home with only female relatives and midwives for decades, having partners there is a fairly modem thing.

My mum was very upset I didn’t want her there

We have never been close so god knows why.

I wouldnt and haven’t had mil/dm. I’m due soon and will have dp only he’s the one I’m most comfortable around.

The only people who should be with a woman in labour are those she wants there. My daughter has asked me to be with her and her partner and I feel it is an enormous priviledge to be wanted. Not something I am entitled to.

If a woman would like her mum there at the birth she can ask her but nobody should expect to be present.

Personally I think it's a bit strange how some women have their mothers and their partners with them while they give birth but that's just me.