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AIBU?

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Original poster

For thinking women aren't entitled to watch their daughters give birth?

341 replies

LOL7 · 02/07/2018 11:47

Hello,
So this is a bit of a Hmm thread. I've just had an 'argument' in the loosest sense of the word on fb with women who are moaning about their daughters 'not letting them be there' for the birth of their grandchildren! Aibu for being totally shocked about this sense of entitlement or 'right' that women should automatically be able to watch their daughter go through labour and birth just because it's their daughters giving birth to their grandchildren?

OP posts:
PurplePenguins · 03/07/2018 19:16

YANBU. My mum was with me for the birth of all 4 of my children because I asked her to be. She didn't expect it or think she had the right to be. IMO your body, your labour, your choice x

PlatypusPie · 03/07/2018 19:20

Is this a recent thing ? I know mothers, or extended family, were the primary birth attendants in centuries gone by, then there was a period of only doctors or midwives, then fathers to be included from the late 60s onwards but when did additional ( not just alternative support) members of the family start being included ? I would have loathed having more than my DH and the midwives, with some attention by the Dr, being there.

Some of my friends and acquaintances have become grandparents and I don’t know of any who have been at the birth itself.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 03/07/2018 19:27

I find it odd that some grown people find more comfort in their mothers being there than their husbands or partners.

Who gives a shit what you think? When a woman is in labour, she can have anyone there who will make the whole horrible experience more bearable. And she can ban anyone whose presence is only going to make it even worse. It's entirely up to her.

Mmest75 · 03/07/2018 19:39

I cannot imagine anything worse than my mum being there ..
I do always think it’s a bit odd when people say they did - but hey whatever floats your boat.

SingingSands · 03/07/2018 19:41

I didn’t even have my DH there last time, it was brilliant!

No way I’d let my mum in, she’d tell me I was doing it wrong 😂

Geekynzmum · 03/07/2018 19:42

I had this issue with my DM as she wanted to be at the birth of DD, but was told no. She then insisted on being at the hospital while I was in labour so she could be there as soon as DD was born. DH and I agreed we wouldn't call until we were ready, as I didn't want her there until I was ready.
As it was we ended up with her there just after DD was born due to me having to have an emergency C-section, and she was actually a help as DH was too worried about me to calm down DD who was crying the hospital down. 😁

Biblio78 · 03/07/2018 19:50

How odd. The woman giving birth chooses who to have there surely?

user1493391099 · 03/07/2018 19:57

Ayn rand, who cares what you think either?

parentin · 03/07/2018 20:00

I'm really surprised by the responses here. I had my mum at all 3 of my births. I would have hated my husband to be there at that crucial time. But I guess it also depends on the relationship you have with your mother

libbyb · 03/07/2018 20:01

its down to personal feelings really. None of you are wrong - but you're not all right either. You do what is right for you. If you have a useless unemotional pratt of a husband (and you will only discover this at the actual birth) - you might also want your mum! If you have Iron Man as a husband - he takes it all in his stride, wipes off the baby and soothes your brow - big thumbs up! Hands up all of you that have an Iron Man :-)

BounceAndClimb · 03/07/2018 20:08

@parentin why would you have hated your husband to be there?

Just curious as I'm the complete opposite wanted DP there but would have rather been alone than have anyone but him (and medical staff) there at such a personal/exposed time.

Stillme1 · 03/07/2018 20:16

As a mum with daughters who have had children I have been on the hospital premises while they were having their children but I have never been present at a birth. I can think of nothing worse than having to watch any of my children in terrible pain. It was stressful enough being in the building. I was on standby in case I was asked to go in. Thankfully it never came to that.
Although this thread is about childbirth I would not like to have to be with my boys in terrible pain for any reason.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 03/07/2018 20:17

Ayn rand, who cares what you think either?

You, apparently.

NannyKasey · 03/07/2018 20:22

I was privileged to be at the birth of DGD No1, as it was a C-section and only one person was allowed in with her. I held DGD No1 first! With DGD No2, (also a C-Section) I was with DD for most of the ante-natal appointments (including all the scans) but made the decision to go back to work (after 11 weeks off with a serious illness) to make her DP be at the birth (though if she had said she wanted me there rather than him I'd have been there - no question!!). if she has another (unlikely to be honest) I wouldn't expect to be there

tolerable · 03/07/2018 20:22

i hate every living breathing person except my ds and me for being in that room.fact

TorviBrightspear · 03/07/2018 20:22

I have a close relationship with my mother, but I still wouldn't have had her present at the births of my DC.

DrunkUnicorn · 03/07/2018 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nettie1964 · 03/07/2018 20:26

I was at my granddaughters birth but it wasn't planned. I felt so privileged and overwhelmed. It was beyond amazing. But I wouldn't have asked to be there or felt offended at not being there. It's was just a lucky accidentSmileI was v happy to be a support to my daughter. Giving birth is a personal thing. Whatever suits.

Bekstar · 03/07/2018 20:36

Totally agree my mum is lovely don't get me wrong but she is the last person I would want there. Its a moment for me and DH, in fact I think if as DH hadn't been there my next choice would be my brother. My friends in laws instsisted on Mil been there and it totally ruined her birthing experience, she said she felt uncomfortable all the way through. Up until then she got on well with MIL but the relationship broke down. Friqend said it felt like she was constantly been judged and she felt like see had to try and compose herself because she was there. I wouldn't want anyone I wasn't happy with and my mum understood that. She did sit outside hospital through labour but was quite happy to wait till I gave birth.

Hushnownobodycares · 03/07/2018 20:37

YANBU. The only non-professionals I wanted at the births of the dc were the ones who'd been there at the conceptions. Wouldn't have crossed my mind anyone might piss and moan about being left out. Thankfully they didn't but if they had they'd have got very short shrift.

If dd ever has dc I will run far, far away until it's all over Grin

Iseveryusernametaken · 03/07/2018 20:44

The last person in the world that I would have wanted at the birth of my DD was my mother. She is a drama llama of the highest order and would annoy the hell out of me until I shouted at her and then get all pissy about that and tell everyone how horrible I was. I love my mum but she's hard work.

bourbonbiccy · 03/07/2018 20:48

I loved my mum immensely. She was my best mate and the best mum ever, initially I thought it would be great to have her at the birth as I thought this would be a once in a lifetime experience for her...but as the pregnancy went on I realised..it was also a once in a lifetime experience for my amazing hubby. I did not feel it would be fair to my hubby (although he said it would be fine) I knew he wouldn't be able to show all his emotions and relax with anyone else there, so it was just me and my hubby at the birth then mum came in the room literally 5 mins after and it was perfect for everyone. Nobody should feel entitled to be anywhere or do anything in someone else's birth except the parents

PasstheStarmix · 03/07/2018 20:49

I think it can depend what kind of relationship you have want your dm. For instance I would have felt very uncomfortable having her at the birth of ds. We’re really not that close and I felt it was a special moment just for me and dh. It was bad enough when she kept ringing the hospital bothering the run off their feet Midwife’s and demanding to speak to me when I was in the middle of intense labour and could not speak to her.

PasstheStarmix · 03/07/2018 20:49

with your*

TryItAndDieFatLass · 03/07/2018 20:52

My DD asked me to be there for the birth of her first child, and it was such a privilege, to actually see my granddaughter born was amazing! But I would never presume to be asked, its a time for the expectant mother to decide who she wants with her. I certainly won't take it as a snub if she doesn't ask me again.

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