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Original poster

Horrid texts about me on MILs phone, should I say something

547 replies

Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 02/07/2018 08:08

DH, DS (five) are on holiday abroad with inlaws and I have no signal on my phone so I borrowed MILs phone to ring my mum as it’s her birthday today. As I was about to make the phone call a message from SIL (we hate each other) came through saying “I am glad the stupid bitch is not spoiling it this year for you all”
So wanting to know what this was about I did check MILs messages only to find many messages to SIL saying “thank gods the fits have “stayed away” this year” and “the lazy cow is pulling her weight this year” then messages back from SIL saying “it’s his fault he knew when he marriages her she had them” and “don’t know how he puts up with her”
Back story last year we went away and I had quite a few seizures (I am epileptic) and for two days I was completely floored and was told by DH to either sleep inside or just stay on the sunbed. I did have about five other seizures which knocked me out for a hour or so.
There is also a message on the phone to MILs best friend saying the same things she has messaged to SIL with best friend replying back “glad your holiday is not ruined this year”
I just feel like shit now and dont know what to do. If the message had not popped up from SIL I would never have checked MILs phone. I don’t know what to do I felt so guilty last year and MIL and FIL kept saying “it’s ok” and “don’t worry you cant help it”.
I now know MIL was prob slagging me off to all in sundry about her wrecked holiday. I know for a fact DH stayed with them the whole time last year with DS and left them in peace by the pool one of the days I was out of it and took DS to the beach
Feel like total shit I don’t know if I should say something now, tell DH, wait till we get home or just leave it

OP posts:
WowLookAtYou · 02/07/2018 09:24

Actually, I wouldn't have read the rest of the messages, but only because the first one would have told me all I needed to know. Any others were hardly likely to be complimentary, were they? I would not have wanted to read them. Once you've seen that sort of thing, there's no going back, is there?

Branleuse · 02/07/2018 09:30

the fact that OP snooped, doesnt dilute the contents of the message. Who the hell wouldnt look at it if they could see someone had written shitty messages about them?

I think i would lie low for the next few days. Not cause a scene, and then go NC

GrapesAreMyJam · 02/07/2018 09:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

pippistrelle · 02/07/2018 09:31

I understand your point, bluesky, I really do. I'm not saying the MIL has covered herself in glory: it's pretty horrible. And the OP is perfectly entitled to feel aggrieved.

HatingTheBigShow · 02/07/2018 09:33

What an absolute pair of bitches.

crispysausagerolls · 02/07/2018 09:36

I definitely would not wait until after the holiday to tell DH - why should you be miserable on your own for 3 days now because of your MIL’s nasty, nasty behaviour? This must be so upsetting for you OP! You will have the last laugh though, I wouldn’t be letting someone who was that rude about me and dismissive of my medical condition anywhere near me or my children!

thatcoolpirate · 02/07/2018 09:39

She’s going to know you’ve read the messages now anyway.

I assume the one from sil is no longer ‘unread’ as you opened it.

So I’d just give her the phone back and she’ll soon realise you know.
I’d just be cool with her for the rest of the holiday tbh, so she knows you know.

She was wrong to send the messages but you were also wrong to read her private messages. (I would’ve totally read them too though!) But by doing so you’ve lost some of the moral high ground I think

Your sil and her friends are being nasty about you having a fit and being unwell on holiday last year which is genuinely nasty beyond belief.
But if they’re being so nasty about you being ill which is something you can’t control, they’ll have a field day if you confront her on this.

If you confront her she can ‘play the victim’ to anyone who will listen and say she lent you her phone in good faith and when she did you went through her private messages and then took photos of them.

I think just be cool with her for the next 3 days and let her stew on holiday about whether you saw or not.

DragonBone · 02/07/2018 09:42

How bloody dare they talk shit about you! Don't let them ruin your holiday ! Call MIL out on the messages and watch her squirm.

JumbleJamba · 02/07/2018 09:43

I wouldn't admit to snooping but I would just casually mention that a text popped up from SIL while you had the phone. Then watch her squirm. Don't say anything else.

Flowers your in laws sound like twats

NoNotheresnolyrics · 02/07/2018 09:43

I wouldn’t say anything tbh, it will only cause you grief. Kill her with kindness! Make her feel like a bitch!

Racecardriver · 02/07/2018 09:44

Honestly I would just keep starting a fake seizure and then stop suddenly and say just kidding, no need to text SIL ha ha, with a broad grin just to mess with her. Tell you DH first obviously do that he doesn't get a shock.

Emma198 · 02/07/2018 09:46

I would say something like "How sad for us all that you would see my epilepsy as a reason to be so cruel about me, and see it as such an inconvenience to you. I sincerely hope that you never experience anything like it, but I hope people would give you the understanding you would deserve, which is far more than you've given to me. I'm really too upset about this to spend any time with you so I'll be staying out of the way for the rest of the holiday and once we're home. I'm sure you can understand why."

blueskypink · 02/07/2018 09:48

I assume the one from sil is no longer ‘unread’ as you opened it.

I think the message was visible on the screen without opening it.

QueenofallIsee · 02/07/2018 09:48

I couldn’t stay silent, it is so far from being about your seizures and shows a deep rooted dislike that I could not excuse. Please tell your husband and be clear that holidays and favours are not happening again

RayneDance · 02/07/2018 09:50

Op I agree with the...

Sorry message can't through couldn't help see it. But show no reaction. Tell dh immediately.

Don't go on holiday without them again. This is off chart nasty behavior. You cannot help medical condition, your being blamed for taking it easy... You cannot win with them. Why were you cross stitching anyway.

These people are not nice. I would feel ashamed if one of my dc wrote to me about family member disability like that.

If they don't like each other fine but no way would I accept a child of mine writing that and based on disability.

IStillMissBlockbuster · 02/07/2018 09:51

Well this is horrible. Have you told your DP yet? I would, you can't keep this to yourself. I think I would be inclined not to confront anybody but to distance yourself greatly. And I think I'd leave it to him. His circus and all that. Gutted for you and I'm sorry that they've ruined your holiday.

RayneDance · 02/07/2018 09:51

Most all it shows lack of respect to the your dh. Your silly dh who knew what he was marrying.

Figgygal · 02/07/2018 09:51

Wow they are ignorant aren't they

I can understand why you want to keep it quiet until the end of your holiday that takes a big person to be able to do that I hope that your husband fully supports you when you do tell Him what is happened

MadMags · 02/07/2018 09:53

It’s none of your business what people think of you.

It’s unfortunate, of course. But they feel how they feel and now you can act accordingly.

They clearly don’t want to holiday with you so I’m not sure why they are doing so!

What will confrontation actually do? Your DH could end up no contact, sure. But why? Because they’ve pretended to understand a medical condition that they don’t actually understand? Because SIL doesn’t like you?

I mean, it’s not nice. But what outcome do you want here?

bobstersmum · 02/07/2018 09:54

Nasty two faced lot! I'd tell my dh and go book into a different hotel for remainder of holiday.

Mookatron · 02/07/2018 09:54

Ugh. Sorry OP. I don't think you should feel bad about reading the messages.

In your shoes I would be thinking about what I could do to make MYSELF feel better at this point, without reference to MIL or SIL. In my case that would probably be tell DH and take myself off to a nice hotel - alone - and let him take care of his family.

TheLionRoars1110 · 02/07/2018 09:55

I'm sorry this has happened OP! that's really nasty of them. I think the advice to hand over the phone and say you couldn't help but see the contents of the message is the best you've had. Then speak to your DH and tell him you looked at the other messages (better to be upfront about this although i wouldn't let MIL know).
I wouldn't go on holiday with them again. Hopefully MIL will apologise for her behaviour.

NoNotheresnolyrics · 02/07/2018 09:57

I agree with MadMags. People can think what they like about you, you aren’t the thought police!. It’s not nice but I bet you’ve been horrible about other people in the past, as have most people. I would honestly just let it go. Don’t embroil your husband in this. Rise above it.

blueskypink · 02/07/2018 10:00

but I bet you’ve been horrible about other people in the past, as have most people

No - I don't believe most people have been horrible about someone's disability that they have no control over.

sashh · 02/07/2018 10:01

Talk to your dh and create a plan of action together.

No you should not pack up and go, but consider telling MIL to.

I would stew and think up nasty things, then be a bit more sensible.

You have the ultimate power here, you have the power to stop MIL seeing her gs. You have the power to never allow her on a family holiday again, and I would be shocked if you did allow her.

She will probably take more notice of your dh than you (unfortunately) so maybe get dh to point out to her that if she is so nasty to you behind your back he will have to consider whether he can ever leave your ds in their company in case they try to turn their gs against his mother.

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