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Original poster

Horrid texts about me on MILs phone, should I say something

547 replies

Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 02/07/2018 08:08

DH, DS (five) are on holiday abroad with inlaws and I have no signal on my phone so I borrowed MILs phone to ring my mum as it’s her birthday today. As I was about to make the phone call a message from SIL (we hate each other) came through saying “I am glad the stupid bitch is not spoiling it this year for you all”
So wanting to know what this was about I did check MILs messages only to find many messages to SIL saying “thank gods the fits have “stayed away” this year” and “the lazy cow is pulling her weight this year” then messages back from SIL saying “it’s his fault he knew when he marriages her she had them” and “don’t know how he puts up with her”
Back story last year we went away and I had quite a few seizures (I am epileptic) and for two days I was completely floored and was told by DH to either sleep inside or just stay on the sunbed. I did have about five other seizures which knocked me out for a hour or so.
There is also a message on the phone to MILs best friend saying the same things she has messaged to SIL with best friend replying back “glad your holiday is not ruined this year”
I just feel like shit now and dont know what to do. If the message had not popped up from SIL I would never have checked MILs phone. I don’t know what to do I felt so guilty last year and MIL and FIL kept saying “it’s ok” and “don’t worry you cant help it”.
I now know MIL was prob slagging me off to all in sundry about her wrecked holiday. I know for a fact DH stayed with them the whole time last year with DS and left them in peace by the pool one of the days I was out of it and took DS to the beach
Feel like total shit I don’t know if I should say something now, tell DH, wait till we get home or just leave it

OP posts:
Original poster
Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 02/07/2018 08:40

That’s a good idea “laugh, cough, fart I will do that.

On way to give phone back now

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 02/07/2018 08:42

Don't carry this on your own. Tell your husband.

whiskybysidedoor · 02/07/2018 08:42

Horrible fuckers. You are never gonna win with these people so I would join in with the messages (as your MIL)

I would text the best friend that you were really sorry for sleeping with her husband for the past 5 years.

I would reply to SiL at least the buffet is safe which it wouldn’t have been if SiL has gone on the holiday.

starryeyed19 · 02/07/2018 08:42

Op, do you mean sun lounger as opposed to sun bed?

I don't really get how you having seizures ruined her holiday tbh. It's not like she had to look after you?

As far as the message goes, you did exactly what 95% of us would have done. I can't imagine how hurt you must be by this

Candyflip · 02/07/2018 08:43

You know, the more I read this, the more horrified I become. You had NO right to read her texts OP. We all have private thoughts. What you did is inexcusable.

SoddingUnicorns · 02/07/2018 08:43

Epilepsy has different triggers for different people? It’s not universal and I’m sure OP knows what her triggers are.

blueskypink · 02/07/2018 08:43

I like Cough's suggestion. Even if you have given the phone back, you could still say, "oh by the way, not sure if you'll have noticed, but a text came through while I was using your phone. It was from SIL"

Followed by a pointed look. Then after a while you could say how glad you are that your fits haven't spoilt their holiday again this year. Followed by a pointed look.

All a bit PA I know, but that's what I would do. Avoids a row but lets her know that you know.

starryeyed19 · 02/07/2018 08:44

@Candyflip What was the OP supposed to do, temporarily blind herself when she heard a message alert?

Unless the MIL has set up her phone so the body of the text doesn't appear on the screen, how was the OP supposed to avoid it?

dangermouseisace · 02/07/2018 08:46

Your MIL and SIL are vile. They’ve clearly made no effort to understand how epilepsy affects people whatsoever. How awful for you that your holiday was spoilt last year by being so unwell.

I’d tell DH. You couldn’t avoid seeing the 1st text, and I think it would have taken a will of steel not to pry further. It’s probably not a good idea to say anything to MIL whilst on holiday for fear of creating arguments in front of DC’s, but it might be worthwhile explaining the first text popping up when you’re back. It’s pretty clear from the 1st text who your SIL is referring to, unless there are any other female adults in your party.

Tippexy · 02/07/2018 08:46

If you “hate” your SIL why would you be doing cross stitches for her in the first place? Hmm

fantasmasgoria1 · 02/07/2018 08:46

This is awful! I don’t think I would be able to wait until I got home to confront her! You need to at some point though because this is really bad! I have had two venomous mils and I totally called the second one out on several occasions.

LagunaBubbles · 02/07/2018 08:46

You have to say something now! Your holiday is already being affected, I'm another who doesn't understand the keep quiet to keep the peace line. That's why people get away with horrible behaviour - because others don't say anything. Fuck that. I couldn't even pretend to get on with the Mil now so it would be obvious something was wrong!

lucy101101 · 02/07/2018 08:47

I am conflicted but pipistrelle above is very wise about this. It is absolutely awful that you saw the texts... and I don't blame you for reading the other texts and completely understand why you would be so, so upset, we all would be.

However, I think you need to separate your actual experience of your MIL i.e. how she actually treats you day to day. Is she ostensibly kind, respectful etc.?

If she is then I think you need to think whether NC is appropriate. You have also acknowledged that you hate your SIL on here... which could be seen as being the same as your MIL and your SIL texting about you...

UpstartCrow · 02/07/2018 08:47

I would forward a choice text to my DH.

WellThisIsShit · 02/07/2018 08:47

Yes I think CoughLaughFart has got good advice.

Don’t lose the higher ground by letting them claim to be all upset by the ‘snooping’, as others have on here. It takes away from the main point, which is that having a bitch about your illness isn’t on, and shows their true colours.

Personally I’d deal with it when you get back from holiday, and just politely disengage from them, leaving them to bitch away to their hearts content to each other, and not go anywhere near them again.

charityhallet · 02/07/2018 08:47

I think I'd go straight home if at all possible. Poor you OP, It be devastated. Please let us know what you decide to do.

LoniceraJaponica · 02/07/2018 08:48

I'm so sorry that you have such shitty selfish, self absorbed in laws. Clearly, you won't be holidaying with them again. I think Cough's idea is a good one. Please update when you can.

LagunaBubbles · 02/07/2018 08:49

you “hate” your SIL why would you be doing cross stitches for her in the first place? hmm

Presumably because she doesn't hate her niece? Hmm

Singlenotsingle · 02/07/2018 08:51

Knowledge is power. Now you know what they really think. Its not your fault you're epileptic. Maybe next year you could go on holiday with your own parents? (If that's feasible?) It's their turn. Otherwise certainly not with this unsympathetic lot!

Berthatydfil · 02/07/2018 08:51

If when the “I’m glad you holiday isn’t ruined” text came through and op had then seen supportive replies back like- it’s a medical condition, not on purpose, it’s distressing for her and the dc, it’s spoilt her holiday too, don’t be so nasty etc
Then the op wouldn’t be feeling this way and would rightly be feeling guilty sbout snooping.
However the mil has responded in kind and not only that has also obviously been telling her friends.

So I would be trying to get through the rest of the holiday and when I got home I would be reducing contact. So more favours for sil, and for those saying let dh and dc visit ils in their own- that’s probably what they want anyway so I wouldn’t be encouraging that either.

FuckPants · 02/07/2018 08:51

I'd be making MIL eat the phone and then I'd be flying home.

Candyflip · 02/07/2018 08:52

starryeyed if I was sure the message was about me, I would have shown it to MIL. Then it would be up to MIL to ensure damage limitation. Reading someone’s private texts puts you in a lower position unfortunately. Why would the OP not want to keep the moral high ground?

Ohyesiam · 02/07/2018 08:52

Wow, you have been treated so badly . As if having a serious health problem were not enough, you get slagged off for it. No excuse for tjis shitty unkind behaviour.

Talk to your husband and never holiday with them again.

Cheeseandcrisps · 02/07/2018 08:52

I'm sorry but people saying leave it until you get home of tell Dh... nope f**k that let that bishhh have it Grin wait until you are all sat having breakfast then ask her in front of everyone about the texts on her phone. This will sound bad but at that point I would ruin the holiday I couldn't spend the next three days looking at her face knowing the shit she had talked about me. Really feel for you op. Finish her.

blueskypink · 02/07/2018 08:52

However, I think you need to separate your actual experience of your MIL i.e. how she actually treats you day to day. Is she ostensibly kind, respectful etc.?

Lucy - you mean you and Pipistrelle think it's okay to be two-faced? Confused

Yes people are often unkind about people behind their backs. But usually the things we say behind someone's back relate to their faults - not a medical condition that they have absolutely no control over!!!!