Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

to think this is a normal sleepover?

315 replies

upsideup · 01/07/2018 17:54

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.

-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

OP posts:

clary · 01/07/2018 22:02

Surprised to hear so many concerned at a 12 film. You can take a five year old to see a 12! It's advisory, so not "overage" for an 11yo, while a 15 cert would be.

I'd have a chat with dd about the trampoline tho. Otherwise fine. Who has three spare beds?

2rebecca · 01/07/2018 22:05

The going outside with no adult noticing they were missing or hearing them seems odd to me. Is it a giant house with huge back garden? I can't imagine not hearing this in our house as 11 year old girls bouncing around aren't usually silent. I would have told my daughter off for going outside after bed time. At 11 I'd expect a child to know how to unlock the doors in an emergency but not to do it for fun.
The food stuff sounds fine. 18 game age 11 not fine, 12 game fine.
I wonder if the girl was unhappy though as she seems to have given her mum far more info than I ever got out of mine after sleepovers.

BarbraDear · 01/07/2018 22:17

I might have been a little bit annoyed at the trampoline in the middle of the night but would have words with my own child about safety and then maybe mention it to the other parent as something they mentioned and that maybe if they were having another sleepover could she ensure they don't do it again. The other stuff is bonkers. The last sleepover my son was at the Mum didn't feed them anything and the kids did an all nighter, partly because they were all so hungry they couldn't sleep! DS came knocking on our door at 7am for breakfast and I could see the other boys all heading towards their own homes for the same thing. I sent snacks with him next time.

BarbraDear · 01/07/2018 22:19

*not the last sleepover, but the last place he had a sleepover. He's had a few there since and I think the Mum has caught on to needing to feed them.

Iceweasel · 01/07/2018 22:24

Clary I found the film disturbing, as did my then 10 year old who watches 12A films all the time, and has seen some 15 films.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 01/07/2018 22:43

I’m in for the next one!

No problem with anything at all. None.

It sounds like a fab sleepover. So what if they went into the garden in the night? It’s HOT & much nicer outside. No sane person supervises 11 year olds playing on a trampoline, so what’s the big deal? If there had been an accident they would have gone and got you, exactly the same as they would have in the day.

Carastrophising over what they ‘might have done’ is ridiculous, they didn’t catch the number 99 into Soho, they played IN THE GARDEN.

I would be more worried if they couldn’t get out of the house.

She’s batshit.

My only concern would be for your credit card, there’s no way I’d have let them order whatever they wanted on my credit card 🤣

Maybe try to talk to her when you see her, for her DD’s sake.

Ziggzagg · 01/07/2018 22:46

My DD (11also ) had pretty much the exact same sleepover last night at her friends house!!Except they stayed up till 6am, watched IT and drew on each other's faces when they fell asleep! They also went and chatted on the trampoline at 3am! She had a fab time, not exactly my idea of a relaxing night but I've had a lovely text of the girls Mum today saying they had fun! Just hoping I don't have to repay the favour anytime soon! (6month old DS teething )

LadyDuplo · 01/07/2018 22:52

Sounds normal. My friend who lived behind me had a garage with a pitched roof. We used to sleep up there in amongst various boxes / dust etc. Ate crap. Listened to music on our ghettoblasters and then in the middle of the night we used to go for nighttime walks in our nighties. Brilliant fun.

VelvetSpoon · 01/07/2018 22:53

If your bedroom is at the front of the house I can quite easily imagine you wouldn't hear anything - I used to live in a fairly average 3 bed semi and I couldn't hear anything from the back garden in my front bedroom. Whereas I now live in a bigger house where my bedroom is at the back and all I hear is next doors kids on their trampoline.

I don't think you can be expected to stay up all night in case they go on the garden! It's also really important kids know how they can get out of the house if they need to, not hiding keys etc. And we don't know whose idea it was...the OPs DD may well have not been overly keen but just gone along with the group. I don't think she can be blamed for it happening. It's not like they went out to the pub!

WTFdidwedo · 01/07/2018 22:55

For the people unhappy about the trampoline, how would you stop your children "escaping" your house? Presumably they have keys or know how to use them at 11. Do people have video monitors on primary school kids these days?

PrizeOik · 01/07/2018 23:05

Carastrophising over what they ‘might have done’ is ridiculous, they didn’t catch the number 99 into Soho, they played IN THE GARDEN.

God, I thought I was going mad reading some of these responses! I completely agree with the above children this age are trying out independence - surely letting themselves out into the fucking garden - to play^ - is the best of all possible worlds??

I was boarding by 12 and smoking cigarettes in the dormitory once a week ffs...

Maelstrop · 01/07/2018 23:10

Were you supposed to stay up all night to make sure they didn’t sneak out?

MrJohnReese · 01/07/2018 23:27

God, I thought I was going mad reading some of these responses! I completely agree with the above ^ children this age are trying out independence - surely letting themselves out into the fucking garden - to play - is the best of all possible worlds??

Totally agree.

Also can't believe the amount of people who have said the supermarket would be a problem....dad was waiting in the car FFS!!

It's no wonder so many kids are growing up anxious and fearful of the world, and without basic life skills when they are wrapped in cotton wool like that

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 01/07/2018 23:42

For me it is not the certificate but the choice of film. It has some quite scary bits (have you watched it OP?) and some 11 year olds would be spooked by it, just as Dead Poets Society is a PG but I wouldn't show it to a group of 8yr olds on a sleepover. Having said that some 15s I might show to my dc if not to others on a sleepover. If my 11 year old wanted to watch it (and she has seen it) then I would check with parents if I knew them well or veto it if I thought they were likely to have a problem. Common sense media is really useful for getting the measure of a film. What I would show my dc is different to the films I would show a group of relatively unknown dc.

The trampolining is a problem because it is a dangerous sport. That and rugby are the two sports our consultant has specifically said are too hazardous for my dc in terms of injuries. Many threads on here about the injuries from a trampoline. My children know that they have medically been advised not to and my concern would be that if there was an injury in the middle of the night they would be less likely to seek help quickly if there was an injury. If there was an injury in the middle of the day when they know you know they are there they would seek help straightaway. In the middle of the night they know they might get in trouble for being out there so might delay and try to encourage the injured child to not say anything or to move when they shouldn't. I would be cross with my dc and would tell all of them that they should not use it again without me being aware. I would accept that you were not aware but I would be wary about the fact they thought they might get away with it with you.

sailorcherries · 01/07/2018 23:51

The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White and 101 Dalmatians all have bits that are supposed to be scary.
The Lion King is horrifically sad.

Do we ban these during sleepovers?

How was the OP to know the girls had ventured outside? My house has an alarm, as did my parents, but you couldn't set it if someone was downstairs. Keys were always kept in an accessible place downstairs. Bar barracading my own children (or my parents barracading me) in/hiding keys there isn't much to alert me/them to potential night time wanderings.

avamiah · 02/07/2018 00:00

Everything sounds normal and fun to me except them going out in the dark on the trampoline .

avamiah · 02/07/2018 00:02

I know the trampoline was in the garden but they could of had a accident but they didn’t so no harm done .

cherish123 · 02/07/2018 00:02

Sounds normal. The mother may be unhinged or have mental issues. She may have been jealous that her daughter had a good time.

stayathomer · 02/07/2018 00:11

That sleepover sounds excellent!!congratulations!!!(however, yes, anyone who normally adheres to strict ways to host it might take issue but Id say tabu!)

avamiah · 02/07/2018 00:14

Cherish 123,
Yes very true, she probably didn’t like her daughter having a good time.
It sounds great buying your own snacks and ordering what you want from the takeaway in my opinion .I wish I had sleepovers like that when I was a kid.
😊

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 02/07/2018 00:18

The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White and 101 Dalmatians all have bits that are supposed to be scary. The Lion King is horrifically sad.

I wouldn't ban them but if I had a relatively unknown child over who was of an age to enjoy them I would ask the parent, not least because I don't want to risk being up half the night calming them down. With a long established friendship it might be different but it sounds as if this is a fairly new freindship so yes I would be more cautious because ultimately they are not my dc. It won't harm my dc to watch a different movie if their friends might not enjoy it or their parents not approve. Ultimately I want my dc to be able to have their friends back again, which means the first couple of times checking and making adjustments. My dc don't seem to be affected by scary films but I know that some of their peers are or might be.

colditz · 02/07/2018 00:19

I’d reply “I’m so sorry, Dd told me your daughter was the same age as her so naturally I treated her the same as the other eleven year olds. How old is she?”

Pengggwn · 02/07/2018 04:24

I wouldn't ignore her message. That is rude and would annoy me even more. I'd reply saying something like, "Sorry you don't feel the sleepover was well-organised. I wouldn't call any of that irresponsible but you're entitled to your opinion and entitled (of course) to turn down the invite next time. Feel free to chat to me about it, because of course I hope it won't come to that."

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 02/07/2018 04:30

you are cool. She is probably mad that her daughter came home tired etc...

RebootYourEngine · 02/07/2018 04:38

I think it is good that you aren't going to reply. That mum sounds unhinged.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13