to think this is a normal sleepover?

[upsideup]

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

• I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.

-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

Not more vegetables

Is anyone sleeping properly at the moment in the heat?
Whilst the trampoline was a bad idea, going outside when too hot sounds like a good idea to me. And sides are always the best part of a takeaway.

I'd be a bit off about the trampoline thing, but you didn't know about it so it was a bit naughty of the girls rather than you. I'd tell them off for that.

The rest of it sounds like the best sleepover for an 11 year old!

If it was me I'd just wait until someone here posts an amazing reply for you to send and then i'd use that

we recently saw a re-run of hot shots movies.i am now old enough to understand them and am shocked but hilariously so that mum and dad must have had us watching them when we were tiny!they are disgusting lol

Ah I think I saw the trailer, Helena Bonham Carter and the freaky characters and costumes? Don't think she was in it. Children were hunted for their eyeballs. I found it very creepy and wanted to leave myself before my son asked to. He has seen loads of 12A films.

I have a 10 year DD. To be honest, it sounds like they had a great time! Probably the only thing that would bother me would be going out in the middle of the night to go on the trampoline! Very naughty of them.

Hmm I’m going to go against the grain and say whilst I wouldn’t have texted you about it I also wouldn’t send my kid again in a hurry

The letting themselves out to trampoline suggests you are slack with letting your kids know that is a total no no. It’s not a big step to be off on a night haunt up the street if your DD feels she can open locked doors in the middle of the night and you won’t be cross at all.

And I would be annoyed at the 12 film.

Crap food is part and parcel but not difficult to limit it a bit and if they had take away desert I don’t see why they also go free reign buying sweets and whatever in a shop too.
But then in the U.K. kids seemingly can’t have a good time without massive amounts of junk to eat.

You would think me uptight but that’s fair enough I just wouldn’t send my DD back again.

Sounds fine to me! I was watching 15and 18 movies at sleepovers at that age (not a good idea and wouldn't let mine!) , a 12 is fine!!!

The woman is mad

flamingofridays
Lazy because she left the kids to there own devices, didn’t order food for them, didn’t buy snacks for them, didn’t check the movie was suitable. At 11 I would want to check if a 12 was suitable. The hunger games for example isn’t suitable for 11 year olds.
Eleven year olds still need supervision.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Sounds like the girls had fun.

The mother is rude (I hate people who has de behind texts as they haven’t got the balls to pick up the phone). Ignore her. She sounds like a control freak - god, she’s not happy her daughter (at 11) chose her own dinner, was in a supermarket on her own and had her hair curled. What is she the school teacher and you’re the naughty pupil? The poor daughter.

I’d ignore her. Don’t fuel her fire.

Pizza / junk food and staying up past midnight with lots if sweets is def the norm and i say that as a bit of an uptight mum

@MyDCAreMarvel (love the name, btw)... In this context, it's 'their', not 'there'. Grammatical solecisms would bother me more than midnight trampolining, but each to their own.

Some of this depends on birth order etc. DC5 had seen the Hunger Games by the time she was 10, due to having four older siblings. I wouldn't have let DC1 watch it at that age, though. In fact, I'm still wondering whether things are Suitable for him, and he's an adult. I suspect the OP's DD isn't a PFB, but the Batshit Mother's DD is.

I wouldn't have any issues with any of it. "Wow you took my kid off my hands overnight & she came back safe, happy, unharmed: you star!" would be my attitude.

Sleepover sounds great
Other mum sounds uptight
Ignore her

Sounds like a normal sleep over to me !

I would have checked with other parents about the 12 film and being left in the shop though, but that's because I have friends who would not have approved of that!

It'd be OK by me too, but it might have been an idea to check some things when 'in loco parentis' as I know I am a lot more laid back than a lot of parents and try to consider what I might find fine but others might be uneasy about, even if I'd disagree with them! I might have checked, in your case, that parents were OK with them being in the supermarket without direct supervision, if a 12 film is all right and so on. But I don't blame you for not doing that either.

Do 11 year olds really need supervision to buy sweets in a supermarket?! We always spent our own pocket money at the shop. Sounds like they had a great time, brings back happy memories.

Sounds a good sleepover. Can't see any issues! Unless it was something else entirely.

I'm all for sticking to age guidelines usually but 11 year olds watching a 12 film, nope, can't get worked up about that and I'd eye roll at a parent having an issue with it at my house too. 15 or 18, yes, then that would be inappropriate. I wouldn't be pleased about the trampoline because I'd be concer ed about them trying to go further another time but I also would accept that you were unlikely to have heard them (I certainly wouldnt have). The rest sounds like great fun. What 11 year old can't go in a shop with a group with an adult outside ffs.

That film is a bit dark and probably not suitable for many 11 year olds (hence the rating). Some children are more visual and disturbed by films and tv programs. I wouldn't have allowed that....or maybe the supermarket thing either and coupled with the midnight trampolining which wasn't your fault but does unfortunately give the impression that you're not in control (why would your dad think it's acceptable to go out at night without telling you??).
However, the other stuff is totally meh so I can actually see both sides. Don't dismiss her completely you don't know how her child has portrayed the party to her.

The film's a 12A - I've just checked this because I know I too dd(11) when it came out - so when she was 9. But fair enough if that mum discn't like that. Supermarket and food - she's bvu. Trampolining - well you didn't know.

I get grumpy about sleepovers because dd comes home shattered and the next 3 days are a dead loss... not the least bit bothered what they do (may be judgy but not bothered!).

I think your not responding is a good course of action.

Dd not Dad!

Totally yes I realise it’s their, I was typing to fast to concentrate.

Oh and you should have used a small s in “suitable “.

We have told dd she shouldnt have gone outside while we were asleep. We didnt hear them as they were purposely being quiet so they didnt wake us. They wouldnt have be able to get out of the front gate as dd doesnt know the code (I dont think) so they were secure in our property but I think going into our garden is completely different to roaming the steets, dd doesnt have to ask to go in the garden during the day when obviously she would to actually leave the house and If we had gone down to check I would be able to see them as the trampolines a few feet away from the living room.