to think this is a normal sleepover?

[upsideup]

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

• I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.

-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

God, we used to get up to far worse. She sounds like very hard work. I think I’d have to reply if it were me, something like “sorry you feel that way, the girls had fun and are still alive!!!”

“What has she actually says she objected to?

The things I listed in my OP.
-No proper dinner.
-Unsupervised in supermarket
-12 film
-Curled hair
-No proper bed
-Trampolining unsupervised”

To be absolutely honest OP, I would have at least made sure they ate something semi-reasonable-ish, even if it was just a pizza. Then I would give them some fruit and I would have let them buy their own snacks. The 12 movie wouldn’t have bothered me, but I accept some people are funny about such things. The hair curling is what girls do, so fine and yes if they want to camp on the floor, so what?

However, what were you doing letting them go out in the garden in the early hours? Does your trampoline have a net round it? I would be aware that this was disturbing the neighbours, but maybe you don’t have any? What if there has been an accident or they ran out the front door instead. I would not have that going on.

To be honest, I’m always a bit annoyed if mine go on sleepovers where there’s been no supervision whatsoever because they are foul and grumpy the next day and it can ruin the weekend. I would never send such a text though, just leave it and maybe next time we would have other plans .

Standard

The complaining mum sounds dull. No-one got hurt right? Don't invite the DD again.

This mum is going to lose her mind when sleepovers start to include smuggled in vodka.

Not keen on the eating arrangements - they sound a bit off - but everything else okay. I certainly wouldn't have complained.

Middle of the night trampolining sounds so much fun.......I wonder if my neighbour's would notice if I was very quiet and didn't squeal......

At that age, my friends and I took the bus in to town, got all the ingredients for tea, came home and made lasagna for everyone. Our sleepovers had progressed to camping up in the peat hill, with a campfire and supernoodles.
I wouldn’t have been thrilled watching Miss Peregrine, but I wouldn’t watch it now at 39, so I’m presuming I’m the weird one.

Sounds great fun to me! I bet the girls loved it.

If you're feeling cheeky, you could just reply saying something like 'you're welcome and XXX is welcome here for another fun sleepover next time DD has one.

The trampolining sounds quite sensible. I bet it burned off that last bit of hyperactivity and they came back in and fell asleep.

Look, just don't have sleepovers and don't allow your DC to go to one. Problem solved! Sleepovers always cause problems, large and small. DD1 went to first sleepover aged 12. Nice parents, sensible people, lack of sleep was only problem. Next invitation 2 weeks later was from child whose parents I didn't know in a rough area of our town. However, late husband was a police officer; he did know the family - all of them. He didn't tell me, or daughter, but he said NO SLEEPOVERS and stuck to it. I later found out why through press coverage of a murder. It was not nice. Your children will not suffer if you say no. Peer pressure is not a problem if it is known it is a house rule - they will be able to say to friends "My parents are a nightmare", but you'll be saving them from other nightmares.

I’d have grumbled at their food choices as I’m a boring adult. Leave them be!

@NemosMum21 I'm glad you weren't my mum! I had great fun at sleepovers!!

What's wrong with not having a proper dinner for one night..!

I'd love for my children to go to a sleepover like this tbf.

Only bit which I don't agree with is late night trampoline, but op doesn't agree with this either but didn't know it was happening so not much could be done really x

NemosMum21 - I am really hoping you were invoking some kind of 'tongue-in-cheek micky take - rather than ACTUALLY being batshit bonkers ?

Whilst I might have been dubious about the food arrangements - I would not have worried about the OP being a potential murderer.

Apart from the middle of the night trampolining it's a typical sleepover any young girl would love!

All fine except the trampolining, but you didn't know about that - I'd come down quite hard on it IIWY, though (perhaps say no to next sleepover request - just the one - enough to make a point), to ensure there's no repeat. I wouldn't get worked up about a 12 film for an 11yo, but as host I would probably quickly check with the parents if I didn't know them well.

Assuming she's a nice child and your DD wants to remain friends with her, I wouldn't punish the child by excluding her from future sleepovers or activites. Let her mother refuse them and explain to her DD why she cannot attend.

I'd send the following text and then drop the issue.

"Other than the trampolining (which I have spoken to DD about), there was nothing unacceptable nor inappropriate for 11 year olds in what I allowed at the sleepover. All future sleepovers will have similar 'rules'. Please bear this in mind before accepting any further invitations for your DD from us".

That sounds like so much fun! That poor girl, what a misery her mother is.

Some parents idea of a sleepover is boring as fuck. Might as well just stay home eat dinner and go to bed.

You know, if my child came home and said they'd snuck out into the garden in the middle of the night to play on the trampoline, I'd be the one sending an apology to the sleepover parents and hoping it didn't cause them alarm/annoyance!

No RTFT just the first few pages but I think your sleepover sounds fine, even with the trampolining (I wouldn't be suggesting they went out in the night) but if they unlocked the door when I was asleep and I only found out in the morning, I would be conveying some concern re:accidents due to bouncing in the dark only.

Did you see her at school pick up today op.