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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is a normal sleepover?

315 replies

upsideup · 01/07/2018 17:54

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.

-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

OP posts:

moira123io · 02/07/2018 04:55

The mother sounds stupid. Ignore her. Nothing you did was wrong, sounds pretty normal to me! Her DD will just have to miss out next time.

nicknamehelp · 02/07/2018 04:56

Last sleep over my dc had I was woken by a strange banging sound when I investigated they had put a mattress on stairs to make a slide!

Then at 3am I was woken as they had gone outside to play basket ball.

Dc don't sleep on a sleep over, eat anything remotely healthy etc

JamSandwiches45 · 02/07/2018 05:29

What did the mother expect, broccoli and a 7pm bedtime? Silly woman. I'd respond and tell her that the daughter won't be invited to the next one. See how well that goes down.

Tink2007 · 02/07/2018 05:36

I am massively confused by the posters saying they would be annoyed about 11 year olds watching a 12 certificate film. I would understand if it were an 18 but a 12? It’s a little odd.

Personally OP I think the mother is being a little odd; sounds very similar to my first sleepover at that age.

The only thing I would be annoyed about was them sneaking out to trampoline but at the DCs not yourself.

Clubcuts · 02/07/2018 05:40

Not sure if you've said what take away they had but to be fair if my child ordered starters and dessert from a pizza takeaway I'd be having stern words!

I mean WHO misses out on pizza! What sort of example would that set! Free reign on the pizza meno and no bloody pizza! Jeez! You should've dealt with that

It sounds fine, other mother is helicoptering and has obviously grilled her daughter. I expect daughter will be off school today because she's not "caught" up on her sleep after trampoline during the night and is drained.

You've got to think of the poor girl though,imagine the embarrassment!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/07/2018 05:51

Sounds like a brilliant sleepover! I want to come to the next one!

Me an' all!

SugarIsAmazing · 02/07/2018 06:09

I've got six children and this sounds like a perfectly normal sleepover.

And, I have never considered asking parents about a rating of a film as the children have always had access to the tv and sky channels so most probably watch all sorts of 18 rated programmes.

Cherrysherbet · 02/07/2018 06:12

She's an idiot, and very ungrateful. Sounds like a great sleepover. Don't give her a second thought.

SnuggyBuggy · 02/07/2018 06:17

If you are going to treat your child several years younger than their age then it's on you to let other people know.

This thread is seriously making me want to invite my friends over with sleeping bags and ice cream.

Oblomov18 · 02/07/2018 06:19

Sounds like a fab sleepover. Most 11 DD's would love to have an older dd 22 to curl all their friends hair!!

Mum sounds like a tool!! Ignore. Say .... so sorry .... they appeared to have a fab time.

chocatoo · 02/07/2018 06:35

I hope you will ensure that her DD knows she is still invited to the next one even if she isn’t allowed to come.

Cleanermaidcook · 02/07/2018 06:40

I'd only be annoyed I wasn't invited!

It's an excellent film, dc's 8 and 10 have it and aren't mentally scarred.
I regularly order sides and desert
No clue why being taken to and brought home from the supermarket is wrong, the kids go the shop by themselves here regularly.
Can't fathom the problem with hair curling.
I bet it was lovely and cool on a hot night in your safe enclosed garden, I'd have probably let them sleep out there.

Please can I come next time?

pigeondujour · 02/07/2018 07:16

Did she actually say "what the hell were you doing/how could you be so irresponsible"? I'd be very tempted to reply asking her who the fuck she thought she was talking to. Give her something to really get upset about your older daughter sounds like a lovely sister and if I was another mum I'd be thrilled my 11 year old had had that attention from her. The only bit I could see that could be worrying is the trampoline because you do hear about horrible injuries but tbh with a group of girls late at night I imagine they were all sat chatting on it - trampolines are great for that.

AnnUnderTheFryingPan · 02/07/2018 08:19

OP, can you text her back with ‘do you want to expand on that?’

And then come and tell us what the problem is?

Because I must be missing something here...

WorriedWanda · 02/07/2018 17:30

Ignore her. There's no use talking to people like her

dragonara53 · 02/07/2018 17:40

Wow, can I come to your next sleepover 😂😂😂

witherwings · 02/07/2018 17:42

Sounds brilliant. The only thing that would concern me is going out on the trampoline at midnight which they snuck out to do anyway.

pollymere · 02/07/2018 17:49

I probably would have supervised the takeaway ordering tbh as I know what my dd is like! But it's not going to do too much harm. Moviewise, it's a 12A so would be fine if you watch too. It's actually quite an horrific movie in places and I know kids who wouldn't cope with the content. Officially your dd shouldn't be watching it without you so I'm not surprised the Mum went ape. The rest of it seems pretty normal, although I probably would've noticed the trampolining and told them to go to bed! You probably need to apologize, sorry.

blackteasplease · 02/07/2018 17:51

Sounds perfectly normal and fun!

Nikephorus · 02/07/2018 17:58

No vegetables?!!! Dear gods, how could you allow such behaviour?!!!
(Congratulates self on there being peas in egg fried rice earlier)

youarenotkiddingme · 02/07/2018 18:02

Sounds great!

I've never got why they're called 'sleep' overs - as they are generally anything but

babyno5 · 02/07/2018 18:04

Just ignore Little Mrs Uptight Knickers. She’s just annoyed because you took the sleepover crown!
Sounds like a great sleepover!
We used to have an end of term pool party every year and one year I sent 3 mummies home in my pjs (because they’d been in the pool fully clothed), aquired 5 extra children to sleep over ( and 2 abandoned cars on the drive) and woke up naked on the sofa clutching a bag of chilli rice crackers!
These are the memories of childhood (ok my naked hungover torso on the sofa probably caused nightmares)!

spiderlight · 02/07/2018 18:11

My only concern about that sleepover would be 'Oh my God - how am I ever going to be able to follow that when it's my turn?'

HowsAnnie25 · 02/07/2018 18:13

That film is a 12A so if you went to the cinema to see it any child under 12 can see it if they are with an adult so it's not as 'bad' as a 12 anyway.
Besides the point, I know, but I think that sounds a lovely sleepover anyway!

BetsyBigNose · 02/07/2018 18:14

Sounds perfectly normal for a group of 11 year old girls (and I have one myself)!

I have become 'known' amongst my 2 daughter's friends for the 'Epic Sleepovers' I host - which are very similar to how yours sounds; the only rule I have is that grown ups are not allowed to know about Midnight Feasts (obviously, they happen but I enjoy watching them sneaking their sweets under their pillows when I pop my head in to check on them and the straight-faced denials when I ask if they're planning a midnight feast!).

I'd text the Mum back and say something like "They all seemed to have a brilliant time - what was it that has upset you?", then no matter what she replies, just text back a gif of someone rolling their eyes with the text 'Get an actual grip' scrolling along the bottom.

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