I'm your Mil ask me anything

[Milfromhades]

I don't think iabu to rearrange your knicker drawer, just being helpful! Any questions on how to be a good mummy or what amount of sugar is appropriate for a 2 year old?

MIL, you seem to be gabbling nonsense, have you been at the cooking sherry again?

Why are you and my DM both completely obsessed with the idea that DH, soon to be born first grandchild and I will fall down the stairs in our flat and kill ourselves? I have never fallen down any stairs ever. Is this an old-people thing?

One more mention of the stairs and I may burst a blood vessel.

Dear MIL,

Why are you so completely self obsessed?

(God my MIL really is. If somehow the conversation deviates from being all about her, such as a member of family is ill in hospital, she wil find a way to make it about her)

Can’t you see that your bragging about your oldest grandchild and never praising my DD and addressing barely a sentence to her in 5 hours visiting you has had a profound affect on her self-esteem?

When we (rarely) tell you of DD’s achievements why do you immediately respond with something about the other grandchildren or play it down.

And why did you think it acceptable to not attend my father’s funeral when he had shown you nothing but kindness and respect?

How are we to move forward?

Why did you insist on making my wedding dress then not finish it? I spent the morning of my wedding crying and digging through my wardrobe looking for an old prom dress that fitted. Until DH turned up an hour before the ceremony with a creased scrap of hurriedly tacked together silk that was shoved in a carrier bag like a sack of shit, and made me wear it because I had nothing else and was threatening to wear jeans.

MIL, you seem to be gabbling nonsense, have you been at the cooking sherry again?
I must admit I had a couple of wee G&Ts to wash down the chocs dear . I do have a slight headache this morning but Halloween only comes once a year after all!

Why do you iron everything, including socks, but don't care that you've made all the clothes sludgy grey by bunging black, white, blue and red into the washing machine together?

Why don't you want to come on holiday again? You were smiling the whole time, we decided on all the fun stuff to do together and we cooked all the food you like. When we came back you cried to aunt S that it was so difficult and you won't go again. I made a photobook for you and you showed it off to all the neighbours. I don't get it but am a bit afraid to ask irl.

Dear MIL

You are lovely, intelligent, fun, kind, generous and good company, but why are you also so.... racist????

I am genuinely worried about you.

Why did you invite your friend to my hen do?

Why are you friends with that loud mouth cow anyway? She was a bitch to my ACTUAL friends.

Why couldn't you have been my mum? You're lovely and we all adore you.

Why did you insist on making my wedding dress then not finish it?

Talk about your Bridezillas, tsk. I'm sure the dress my son provided was sufficient and of course I looked marvellous as Mother of the Groom in my stylish new hat!

Why are you and my DM both completely obsessed with the idea that DH, soon to be born first grandchild and I will fall down the stairs in our flat and kill ourselves? I have never fallen down any stairs ever. Is this an old-people thing?

It's not often That Woman and I agree on something so you may want to be careful on those stairs. Or come and live with me after the baby is born I will be a wonderful help and show you how to be a good mother.

What was/is your relationship with your own MIL ?

Why do you iron everything, including socks
ONLY a complete hussy neglects her ironing (ignores the rest of your post as unworthy you should know I am renowned for the whiteness of my whites!)

I wish you could've lived longer so my children could've really known you, but thanks for trying so hard to hang on long enough to meet them. Love you

Oh this thread is really quite therapeutic but here is a less identifying version of my first post (thank you Mumsnet for removing it) so that my MIL doesn't end up spotting herself when this thread ends up in the Daily Mail, her favourite newspaper.

So, here are my questions:

Why do you never cook for us or host anything? And hardly ever visit us? But expect us to constantly come over to you and ferry you around?

Why have you hardly ever looked after your own grandchildren except in extreme circumstances then made it clear how angry you were about that?

Why do you insist that we talk for hours each week on the phone, even though you hate me?

Why do you think the world revolves around you and have such high expectations of what we should do for you, when you have never put yourself out for us?

Why can't you just be a nice person and put other people first for a change?

Why don't you want to come on holiday again? You were smiling the whole time, we decided on all the fun stuff to do together and we cooked all the food you like. When we came back you cried to aunt S that it was so difficult and you won't go again. I made a photobook for you and you showed it off to all the neighbours. I don't get it but am a bit afraid to ask ir
Another case of my enjoying the idea of dgc more than the reality of a week in their company! I did very much enjoy showing off the photo book though, maybe next year you could just photo shop me into your holiday snaps whilst I enjoy a quiet break in Margate.

Despite being in a long term relationship and having bought a house with his gf, my DS will not make me a MIL. Where did I go wrong?

Mil what are you doing for Christmas this year?

MIL, you're phoning more and more and I think you're lonely. Would you like to talk about this openly or would you prefer us to carry on talking about trivial unrelated things? Maybe it is a matter of pride for you, I don't know. I don't want you to be lonely but I don't want to make you uncomfortable by going on about it either.

Why do you shout at us for talking quietly when we are at the normal volume and then, when asked, confirm that no, you do not have your hearing aids in because you don't need them we just need to speak up or like them as everything is so noisy when you wear them?