I'm your Mil ask me anything

[Milfromhades]

I don't think iabu to rearrange your knicker drawer, just being helpful! Any questions on how to be a good mummy or what amount of sugar is appropriate for a 2 year old?

I would like to know why you always prioritize the eldest grandaughter over her sister
See my above post about creating drama to amuse myself and make me the centre of attention.

She luffs me! Doesn’t she? I always help!

Why do you sit and read the Daily Mail instead of interacting with your grandchildren when you visit?
I don't really enjoy playing with children, its more the idea of them I enjoy.
As for the DM yes its a little bigoted and sexist but there are very often amusing pictures of The Queen looking glum at parties. She hates them!

Dear Mil from Hades

You are a blessing given to us from the Internet Gods.

My son is only 16 but I am already planning his wedding and the birth of my first grandchild. He's never had a girlfriend yet but sooner rather than later eh?

I'm getting on and it's better to get on with these things now, before the mother of MY gc (dil) deems me too decrepit and ancient to remember to feed and clean a baby. I might even forget about the pack of wolves I keep ( an ancient shitting lab) that might eat MY grandchild whilstI'm farting in the kitchen stuffing my face with digestives.

My son is only 16 but I am already planning his wedding and the birth of my first grandchild. He's never had a girlfriend yet but sooner rather than later eh?

Whilst I admire your enthusiasm for becoming a Mil and understand the allure of buying an enormous hat for the Wedding. I personally feel you would be better off encouraging your ds not to marry and to stay at home with his Mama as long as possible. Who can look after him as well as you?

As I have proved on this thread a future Dil can be dealt with using a mixture of tact, diplomacy and loving generosity and she will soon grow to love and trust you with her wee babies.

I'm in favour of the elderly Labrador and biscuit consumption (although personally I eat like a bird, as you know), but please do refrain from passing wind in the kitchen.

Thank you, MIL! Your reply was therapeutic and now I feel much better.

May you be comfortable whatever the temperature.

I love this thread.

Why, whenever we host a family party, do you come and dump a bin-bag full of your old crap into the middle of my floor, instead of taking it to the tip? I'm not even polite any more, I firmly tell you we don't want it, and yet still it comes.

Why, whenever we host a family party, do you come and dump a bin-bag full of your old crap into the middle of my floor, instead of taking it to the tip? I'm not even polite any more, I firmly tell you we don't want it, and yet still it comes.
Sorry about this dear, I'll try to remember but with the state of your house I think you'll admit its an easy mistake to make.

I want to be a b*h like you, do you think you could teach me?

I want to be a b*h like you, do you think you could teach me?

As I say nowadays being a beeatch, as I believe it is called, is considered quite a positive life choice. I'm not sure if its something you can teach though, it just comes naturally when your DS gets married.

Why did you let your son stay with you when he was seeing his mistress and leaving his kids. Same as you did with his first ex wife.

Why is everything I do an unnecessary waste of money and time in your eyes but when your daughter does the exact same things it's wonderful?

Why did you let your son stay with you when he was seeing his mistress and leaving his kids. Same as you did with his first ex wife.

I just love having my son back home so I can look after him as only a mother can, spoil him, wait on him hand and foot and constantly harp on about my friend Maggie's son who is a sucessful business man with a loving family and a 7 bedroom house in Bournemouth, and nothing is ever too much trouble for him to help his mother, plus they all go off on the most wonderful family expeditions together! Just making conversation, dear.

Why is everything I do an unnecessary waste of money and time in your eyes but when your daughter does the exact same things it's wonderful?
Its just the potential for you to make a mess of things is so much higher. For example with her figure (good genes) Fiona can carry off outfits that just look a bit daft on someone a
bit dumpy like yourself. And as for your record with hobbies, well there's a reason I nicknamed you Calamity Jane.
So just confine yourself to simple household tasks and a little daytime TV and we will all be much better off.
We can't all be good at everything like Fiona and its pointless to try.

😂 this thread has made my day

Who do you love more: your son or your husband?

Who do you love more: your son or your husband
The love I have for them is very different. DS is the apple of my eye, whereas your FiL is the Tupperware of my kitchen, a bit stained and unsightly but occasionally comes in handy.

MIL, please tell me you write to earn your bit of pin money?
Also why is your first question when my daughter, your GD mentions a friend, in any context: “Is she pretty?” And why are you so eager to walk in on either of us in our underwear and peer?

MIL, please tell me you write to earn your bit of pin money

Not really dear but I have won the odd £5 for my top tips in the Women's Own such as this one that you may find helpful.

Oopsy daisy bit of slip showing on
the user name yet again. I really must be more careful don't want Dil figuring out my stalker identity

There we are all sorted out. she will never guess who I am now.

Now back to your questions;

why is your first question when my daughter, your GD mentions a friend, in any context: “Is she pretty?”

Obviously I realise girls can have other accomplishments, such as cooking and needlework or even typing! But frankly that sort of thing isn't going to win you a rich husband if you aren't at least fairly passable in the looks department. Now if dgd friends are a little less pretty than her that would be ideal as she will look better in comparison. So you may like to start discouraging any of the most attractive ones right away. But at the same time don't let her start hanging around with those scruffy hipster types.

why are you so eager to walk in on either of us in our underwear and peer?
Again thinking of the future husband dilemma and checking whether dgd has inherited your unfortunate figure. Thankfully it looks like DS good genes have won through but you could both do with following my example and only eating at mealtimes, and in your case maybe stick to salads.

Why do you keep me and DC at your house for hours until they are bored and whiny, and then as we are leaving, SUDDENLY remember ten million REALLY important things to ask DH, so that the DC get even more irritable, and you can find another excuse to point out my bad parenting?

And why is it ok for DH to go out whenever he likes with whomever he chooses, but when I dare to have an evening out with my oldest friend who happens to be a male, I'm an alcoholic cheating whore who is abandoning my children?

Ignoring me again MIL? Shocker

And please stop trying to feed DS things that you KNOW he's allergic to because you think I'm being precious about it.... No, actually he will projectile vomit over your precious sofa (although that would probably make it look better).