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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry with my DH for losing our toddler?

245 replies

Mumisa · 30/06/2018 16:23

My DS is two, my DH took him to a park with a splash pool. DH went with DS because he was wearing shorts and I was in jeans. I sat about 15ft away with our shoes and bags. I watched and took photos and even thought should I keep an eye on DS but then said to myself no it’s fine DH is right with him. So I had a browse on my phone.

A few minutes go by and DH comes up to me and asks where is DS, I asked what did he mean and proceeded to very loudly panic. I ran around shouting for DS looking in the water (plenty deep enough to drown in). My DH told me to calm down but was mostly stood around. A kind lady asked us what he looked like I was so afraid I could only repeat he’s two find him. Just then a lady found him in the park cafe next to the pool. I was so so relieved.

My DH was calm and acted as though I had overreacted and made a scene. He said I was childish and acted like a child and he had only taken his eyes off DS for a second. I am very angry and upset. DH has not apologised.

AIBU to expect an apology or should I have been watching DS too? DH has previously taken DS out on his own and I have trusted him but now feel worried.

OP posts:
Shumpalumpa · 01/07/2018 16:18

DontMake

Why does a woman need to 'keep an eye on things' when her adult husband is supervising their child?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 01/07/2018 16:21

speakout No sarcasm at all. But fucking hell that sounds brutal. And I thought my upbringing was bad. I have a four ear old who is really sensible and can be in any part of the house alone and I know she will be safe, heck she can be left alone in the kitchen while pots and pans full of food boiling etc and she won’t go near and gives the cooker a wide berth when walking past, but pushing her outside and to be responsible for another child? Nope, I can’t ever see myself doing that. I guess you must have grown up and become sensible quite quickly? But I imagine not everyone in that situation would. Sorry you had to endure such a childhood.

Bibesia · 01/07/2018 16:22

It was reasonable for your DH to assume you were keeping an eye on things from the bench 15 feet away

Why? He'd agreed to take her to the pool. Why would he assume OP had her eyes glued on them all the time? If I were the parent who had taken the child in that situation I'd be a bit pissed off if the other one were watching over us all the time - it would suggest I couldn't be trusted.

speakout · 01/07/2018 16:45

QuackPorridgeBacon
Thanks- didn't want to create a pity party, No I really didn't grow up. quickly. I learned that girls/women were there to serve and to be subservient and be sexually pawed.

Wellwouldyoulookatthat · 01/07/2018 17:25

Read a few pages of this and not reading anymore.

No YANBU.

Where water is concerned, 2 parents' eyes are better than one ( so lesson learnt there).

But no - he was the one in charge. It was absolutely his responsibility to ensure the child was safe.

It's unbelievable that that he has a cause to say you should have been aware.

He's quite clearly shit. Thank God the child is ok. Just bear this in mind the next time you leave him in charge. Hopefully this has made him think about things too. X

QuackPorridgeBacon · 01/07/2018 17:35

speakout Even though I wasn’t pushed outside like yourself, I learnt the same lesson in an awful way. Hope you are well now and no pity party from me but respect for surviving something so horrible.

NotAgainYoda · 01/07/2018 17:45

I've also read a few pages and no more

YANBU

We ALL make mistakes but

  1. I cannot abide people who cannot apologise.

  2. I cannot abide people who feel they have to denigrate your reasonable emotional reaction because you being upset makes them feel guilty, and they can't admit they are wrong (see 1. above)

  3. A woman should reasonably be able to assume that their male partner is watching their child when they say they are - so much sexist bollocks on this thread

NameChange30 · 01/07/2018 17:47

NotAgainYoda
YYY well said

mangowango · 01/07/2018 18:15

My dh would do this. If I was there he would assume I'm keeping watch. Thankfully he takes responsibility when I'm not.

ReallyWTF · 01/07/2018 19:29

We shit ourselves. Literally.

Grin way to change the tone of the thread.

pigsDOfly · 01/07/2018 20:18

My exh was the sort of man who wouldn't have watch the DCs at that age and then blame me if anything went wrong.

When our DDs were around 10 and 12 - after we had separated - he took them on holiday abroad. One night he decided to go out without them; didn't tell them where he was going or how long he'd be gone - this was in the days before kids of that age had mobiles and they wouldn't have known his mobile number anyway so had no way of getting in touch with him.

So there they were on their own in a strange country, where they didn't speak the language, wondering what the hell to do.

After several hours they had the, to me, terrifying idea of going to look for him. After leaving the hotel and walking some way down an unlit street they decided, thank god, that it was a bad idea and went back to the hotel. They rang me in tears wondering what to do.

Of course he came back eventually, very late in the evening.

Some people are just bloody useless parents.

PhaedrasChocolate · 01/07/2018 22:00

He probably assumed you'd be supervising from home @pigsDOfly Hmm

pigsDOfly · 02/07/2018 09:45

PhaedrasChocolate. D'you know what? I think you're probably right.

I really don't know why he wanted to take them on holiday in the first place. Clearly didn't realize he couldn't just wander off and do his own thing like he normally did when we were on holiday.

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 02/07/2018 09:53

You had a browse on your phone and now you think your DH is solely responsible for the loss of your child?

Be grateful your son wasn’t led away by someone, it happens, and in future always, always keep an eye on your child

I hope you learned a valuable lesson. Parents know that it only takes moments to lose a toddler when there is water and that eyes in the back of your head would help.

You are both as bad as each other.

SD1978 · 02/07/2018 10:20

I wouldnt assume the parent 15 foot away would have any invonvment with watching the child who is in arms reach if the other parent in a water park. I don’t u derstand his attitude- that the parent participating in the activity should or would assume the parent sitting some distance away with the belongings would be doing the job of safely supervising a child who is supposed to be actively playing with the other parent.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/07/2018 10:25

Why are two parents eyes better than one. If one parent is watching properly then what is gained by another watching. The key is that the parent watching is watching properly.

Lethaldrizzle · 02/07/2018 11:17

My dh panics the second he can't see one of our kids. Drives me mad. In this scenario I'm with dh. You're making a mountain out of a molehill, he'd be more likely to apologise without the histrionics.

Shumpalumpa · 02/07/2018 11:40

Lethal, there was a lake near the paddling pool. Their child could have easily walked to the lake.

It's not making a mountain out of a molehill. Disaster was averted by OP raising the alarm and a woman spotting the child near the cafe.

GetAwayFromHer · 02/07/2018 17:02

You are both as bad as each other.

Pfft

pallisers · 02/07/2018 17:21

You had a browse on your phone and now you think your DH is solely responsible for the loss of your child?

Why aren't you watching your children instead of browsing on YOUR phone or computer?

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