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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said this?

337 replies

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 30/06/2018 13:07

So me and DS6 went to do a food shop this morning, he needed to go to the toilet so I took him into the ladies.

There was a lady in there with 3 girls, there was a little bit of silliness towards my son going on amongst the three girls whilst we waited for a cubicle to become free, which I ignored because I know girls can be very silly when it comes to things like this.

Then the biggest girl said “Mum why is there boy in here” very loudly, the mother then turnt to me and said “Couldn’t you have taken him into mother and baby or round the back of somewhere because he is making my daughters feel uncomfortable”

I am usually very good at ignoring people, I replied by saying “don’t be so pathetic you silly silly woman” a few more words were exchanged then I went on to tell her to stop embarrassing herself.

I feel a bit bad now, was IBU?

OP posts:
misskatamari · 30/06/2018 14:31

Were

funinthesun18 · 30/06/2018 14:32

I can understand the op reacting the way she did. When someone suddenly starts confronting you unfairly and accusing your small child of something when he’s just stood there minding his own business (“he is making them uncomfortable”), it’s bound to get your back up.

Suggesting she takes him round the back of somewhere is not a polite suggestion either. He’s not a fucking dog.

upsideup · 30/06/2018 14:32

JacquesHammer

Do you have actually have a son and have done this?
I have tried answering politely that my son is 4/3/2 and cant go in the mens on his own, thats not what the women who tell him to get out want, they already know that as its bloody obvious but they are trying to cause an argument anyway. IME the best option really is to ignore and get him out of there, I dont believe that anyone is on there own genuinely unable to understand why as small child might be in the toilets with his mum to help.

TornFromTheInside · 30/06/2018 14:33

@JaquesHammer

Parent and Child definitely a better idea. Much more flexible and doesn't make anybody feel awkward with a toddler who is walking.

Original poster
MrsHappyAndMrCool · 30/06/2018 14:33

Thanks to those who have made some nice comments, this is the first time something like this has happened and hopefully it will be the last, my son was quiet upset after we left but he is fine now.

OP posts:
MommaCinders · 30/06/2018 14:33

I would say the exact same thing if it was a father posting about his encounter with another father and his silly little boys... But I guess now we know where taking things out of context starts

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 30/06/2018 14:33

Some of these posters are so ridiculous it's untrue. Little kids have always always been allowed to accompany their parents into the appropriate toilet for their parent. If YOU are threatened by the presence of a young boy YOU have a problem which YOU should address, you don't have the right to insist young boys don't go in to the ladies toilets. No one has to apologise for taking a young kid of any gender to the loo with them.

funinthesun18 · 30/06/2018 14:34

PitterPatter is spot on.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 30/06/2018 14:35

“Mum why is there a boy in here” isn’t rude. It’s a very valid question.

It's a rude question (but not a crazy question for a little child to ask) because it implies he has no right to be in there when he clearly does.

JacquesHammer · 30/06/2018 14:36

Do you have actually have a son and have done this?

No. I regularly take out a friend’s little boy and have explained with no issue and never encountered any problems.

@mommaCinders it is completely fostering male entitlement to take your 10 year old into a girl’s space and saying “tough shit” if girl’s are uncomfortable. I mean what age will that stop Confused

crispysausagerolls · 30/06/2018 14:36

PitterPatterOfBigFeet

Yes!

I can’t believe a PP actually said that a 6 year old boy going to the loo with his mummy is “where male entitlement starts”. Ffs.

JacquesHammer · 30/06/2018 14:37

because it implies he has no right to be in there when he clearly does

You’re approaching all these statements from an adult perspective. To a small child girl’s should be in the girl’s loo and boys in the boys. It isn’t a rude question if they’re querying that.

JacquesHammer · 30/06/2018 14:38

@crispysausagerolls

I didn’t. The male entitlement was to the poster who takes a 10 year old into the ladies with a “tough shit” if it makes them uncomfortable

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 30/06/2018 14:39

What you said was undignified, but I would not have been impressed with the woman or her daughters either. I would have said, icily, 'My son is too young to go into the men's toilets by himself. So he is in here with me and, unlike your daughters, he has not been silly or rude towards anyone. Please tell them to leave him alone'.

TornFromTheInside · 30/06/2018 14:39

The OP is being misquotes and misrepresented here.

She didn't say they were 'silly little girls' in the context of feeling uncomfortable, she said they were acting silly.

She didn't dismiss any potential discomfort as silly, she objected to the other parent's reaction and suggestion that her son should 'go round the back' of somewhere. This isn't about the little girls or little boy, it's about the other mother's reaction and escalation.

The other mother needlessly turned a mildly awkward moment into a bigger issue.

This isn't about protecting women's spaces, it's about someone being petty and using her daughters as an excuse for her own dislike of the boy's presence.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 30/06/2018 14:41

FWIW I have sons and they were going into the ladies with me until 8ish, longer if I didn't feel comfortable about letting them go into that particular gents alone.

upsideup · 30/06/2018 14:42

Can you imagine if 3 boys were being silly at a 6 year old girl in the toilets with her dad and then a grown man had said he should of taken her round the back of someone to go as she was making his sons uncomfortable? Double standards on mn as usual.

CircleofWillis · 30/06/2018 14:42

OP
my son was quiet upset after we left but he is fine now.

I think your son being upset was probably due to seeing his mother arguing with another adult. I don’t imagine he would have been so upset if it had just been a woman asking why he was in there and his mother calmly replying, no matter how rude the other woman was.

funinthesun18 · 30/06/2018 14:43

You’re approaching all these statements from an adult perspective. To a small child girl’s should be in the girl’s loo and boys in the boys. It isn’t a rude question if they’re querying that.

But again it’s common sense. At school yes they go in to their own sex toilets, but most children know that when they are out and about with an adult who is the opposite sex it’s not like school and they can’t just be left alone. A little girl would have to go in to the male toilet with her dad if she was on her own.

givenchycallsmyname · 30/06/2018 14:44

Yabu for bringing your son into a toilet for the opposite sex, but she is being unreasonable for teaching her daughters that they can have their own way because they are female, and they will grow up to be misandric. Both parties are behaving ludicrously.

Twillow · 30/06/2018 14:44

She was silly, but you were rude. You could have said something like "He's only 6, I don't see its an issue, sorry".

justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 30/06/2018 14:45

She was being unreasonable, going round the back indeed!!
You handled it in a very genteel way op, made her look like the
arse that she was!
Why she didn't answer the girl's question properly, she started the problem.
If it had have been me in your situation I would have been really rude to her!👹

funinthesun18 · 30/06/2018 14:45

on her own with him*

Caribbeanyesplease · 30/06/2018 14:45

Rude

diddl · 30/06/2018 14:46

Good for you, Op!

If they asked why he was there (answer because he's not very old!)-why did the mum think that that meant they were uncomfortable?

Presumably the mum also needed the toilet or you could equally ask why was she there(to help her young kids?)

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