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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said this?

337 replies

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 30/06/2018 13:07

So me and DS6 went to do a food shop this morning, he needed to go to the toilet so I took him into the ladies.

There was a lady in there with 3 girls, there was a little bit of silliness towards my son going on amongst the three girls whilst we waited for a cubicle to become free, which I ignored because I know girls can be very silly when it comes to things like this.

Then the biggest girl said “Mum why is there boy in here” very loudly, the mother then turnt to me and said “Couldn’t you have taken him into mother and baby or round the back of somewhere because he is making my daughters feel uncomfortable”

I am usually very good at ignoring people, I replied by saying “don’t be so pathetic you silly silly woman” a few more words were exchanged then I went on to tell her to stop embarrassing herself.

I feel a bit bad now, was IBU?

OP posts:
Smudge100 · 01/07/2018 22:39

You can’t blame the child for what she said. The woman could have explained to her daughter that your son was in the female toilet becayse he was too young to go to the male toilet on his own. But calling someone a ‘silly, silly woman’ in front if your son wasn’r exactly setting a good example either.

Devonsent19 · 01/07/2018 22:56

I take my son into the ladies and he’s 11 (SEN) Never had anyone complain.

blahblahagain · 01/07/2018 23:10

I think calling someone 'pathetic' from the start is a bit harsh, I took my son into ladies until he was 8ish and still would if I felt uncomfortable with him going to the gents but your reaction seems pretty unreasonable.

FontSnob · 01/07/2018 23:20

So far in this thread I’ve read people making excuses for a full grown man shouting down a six yr old boy till he pee’s himself in fear and someone saying that women’s toilets should only be for women and not little boys with their mothers. What the actual fuck is wrong with people???

squooz · 01/07/2018 23:32

Thanks - funnily someone mentioned that to me recently just haven’t got round to it!

cherish123 · 01/07/2018 23:48

The woman was pathetic and rude. I would probably just have ignored her or told her to mind her manners. It's normal for a 6 yrold to go with his mum. What was he supposed to do? Go to the gents on his own - I wouldn't risk it.

user1476641978 · 02/07/2018 08:31

YANBU - do NOT feel bad. She was ridiculous.

ShatnersWig · 02/07/2018 08:37

I can remember using public toilets on my own when I was a 5-year old boy. Mum would wait just outside.

profile22 · 02/07/2018 09:00

Don’t you dare feel bad! The other woman was so rude. Your son is 6, and is more than entitled to come to the toilet with his mum. The girls were being silly, and the mum plain rude suggesting he should pee round the back of somewhere outside ?!? Bloody cheek

funinthesun18 · 02/07/2018 09:42

So far in this thread I’ve read people making excuses for a full grown man shouting down a six yr old boy till he pee’s himself in fear and someone saying that women’s toilets should only be for women and not little boys with their mothers. What the actual fuck is wrong with people???

It just goes to show how very little some people think about boys in general.
The dad is one of those dads who’s all macho when it comes to his daughter, the type who would have a shot gun ready if she ever got a boyfriend. He was projecting that “machoness” on to a little boy who is not interested in his precious daughter in that way whatsoever. He needs to watch himself because he’s an arrogant bully and he might just get a punch one day. If it was the other way around I guarantee he would have found it hilarious.

And some people think little boys should be left on their own in a public place. That just shows such little regard for their safety and well-being and that’s apparently ok, so long as a small child who happens to have a penis doesn’t enter “their space”. Doesn’t matter if they get lost does it? HmmPeople who feel threatened by a small child need to take a good look at themselves and get a grip. And also teach their daughters that there is no need to feel uncomfortable, instead of being hysterical like the woman in the op’s situation did. Again, he’s a little boy. Not a threat whatsoever.

And as for going round the back of somewhere like he’s a dog, well I don’t need to even explain why that is disgraceful.

bemusedmoose · 02/07/2018 11:08

You weren't unreasonable at all, not only does the woman need telling but so do the silly girls!

I have a boy 12 and girl 6. So ive been through the whole being told my son doesn't belong in there since he was about 5 (he looks older than he is). It's ridiculous. What would they rather - you stuff him in the mens alone not know what or who the hell is on the other side!? I remember when my son started going in the men's and my daughter was so upset! 'but mummy it's just a toilet, he only needs a wee and he shuts the door, why cant he still come in!?' why has this woman not piped up with 'dont be silly girls - boys are allowed to come in with mummies, they need the loo just like you' which has been my reply often.

This stupid big divide with kids is all because a few men are dodgy and suddenly at 8 yrs old boys at the pool are expected to go alone to the mens to change and toilet and be with random strangers in a place they dont know... Flippin stupid. And women like that make it worse.

thecatsarecrazy · 02/07/2018 11:16

I'm a mum of all boys and at that age they always go in the ladies with me if dh not with us. If anyone had said that to me i would have told them to do one.

FirstTimeMum07 · 02/07/2018 12:07

Not unreasonable at all

Clandestino · 02/07/2018 12:13

because I know girls can be very silly when it comes to things like this.

So you are rude and you are also perpetuating the bias towards girls. Yep, a girl has the right to ask why a boy is there. It would have been your place to maybe explain that your son is still small enough to have to go to the loo with his Mum and you can't go to a men's loo. And this is what you should have said to the woman.
Instead you chose to insult her in front of her children.
Congratulations, you are setting a great example for your son.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 02/07/2018 12:29

Mine are slightly older now, but I’m sure they used the gents pretty much from school age. I have been surprised at seeing older boys in the ladies (but never considered rudely confronting their mother!) I have to say though, plenty of 10/11 year olds where I live happily wander unaccompanied around the city centre every weekend with no incident, so not sure what would happen waiting outside the ladies for 5 minutes..

PaddingtonBearHardStare · 02/07/2018 13:01

My DS has just turned 7. He still comes in the ladies with me. I don't trust people enough to send him in the men's alone. It's not like you can see anything once you're in the cubicle. --

When I was at Disneyland a few years ago a Dad took his young daughter into the ladies and no one batted an eyelid although when I first saw him I did double check I wasn't in the men's

Ohfuckinghellwhatnow · 02/07/2018 13:12

YANBU If he was 10 I might have said otherwise. He's 6, why would it bother anyone? I've said this before, but there should be a parent and child toilet EVERYWHERE, why should my daughter have to be taken to the mens loo when out with her dad where there are strangers with their willies out using urinals?! My husband has seen blokes having a sneeky wank when he's gone to use public loos before, and this silly woman is making an issue about a little boy going into a women's toilet WITH HIS MUMMY to go into a closed cubicle?? I'm not surprised you retaliated, I would've too.

Ohfuckinghellwhatnow · 02/07/2018 13:15

OP you are not to blame here, the woman confronted you. What she should've done was explain to her girls that he's only a little boy and that it's allowed while he's still small. I'd never send my 6 y/o little boy into a mans public loo ALONE.

Original poster
MrsHappyAndMrCool · 02/07/2018 13:26

It would have been your place to maybe explain that your son is still small enough to have to go to the loo with his Mum and you can't go to a men's loo

Why should I have to explain myself to children? And no I am not rude they were silly but I can only put that down to poor parenting.

Ohfuckinghellwhatnow - And I agree; a men’s toilet is never going to be appropriate for a little girl.

OP posts:
Brunsdon1 · 02/07/2018 14:05

Ywnbu the reaction to this makes me rage...ive got two Ds and the attitude that they should be belittled or put in a risky situation because they are boys is so highly offensive

Safe spaces are exactly that safe....if you feel that my 5 year old or 2 year old D'S is in any way a risk to that...you are the delusional one

I tend to smirk at entitled behaviour mostly because it's embarrassing for the perpetrator mostly...but the "going round the back" would get me too...as you say my ds are not dogs

And I'm terribly sorry your daughters feel uncomfortable...how do you think my preschool and reception children would feel on their own in an adult toilet because you feel entitled?

You called her silly and pathetic because she was being

Clandestino · 02/07/2018 14:20

Brunsdon1 - I believe the OP is extremely rude and ignorant. Not because she brought her DS to a women's toilet.
It's because:

  1. she knows girls can be silly when it comes to boys coming to women's toilets. - There is nothing silly about it. Children are pretty linear. This is a girls toilet, what's the boy doing there?
  2. She believes she does't need to explain herself to children. Treating children like they have no right for a decent explanation is idiotic.
  3. She was very rude and arrogant to the mother of the girls. A bit of civility would have gone a long way. The way she behaved, she came across as a stupid moron herself.
Original poster
MrsHappyAndMrCool · 02/07/2018 14:39

Clandestino - When are you going to stop disgracing yourself?

OP posts:
Clandestino · 02/07/2018 14:44

MrsHappyAndMrCool - if I'm disgracing myself because I disagree with you, I take it as a compliment.

Brunsdon1 · 02/07/2018 14:51

Did you just call someone rude by cherry picking outlier facts in her post and then call her a stupid moron?

Brunsdon1 · 02/07/2018 14:52

"A bit if civility wouldn't have gone amiss" then straight after
" she made herself ok like a stupid moron"

GrinGrin

I don't think I'll bother with a comment