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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said this?

337 replies

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 30/06/2018 13:07

So me and DS6 went to do a food shop this morning, he needed to go to the toilet so I took him into the ladies.

There was a lady in there with 3 girls, there was a little bit of silliness towards my son going on amongst the three girls whilst we waited for a cubicle to become free, which I ignored because I know girls can be very silly when it comes to things like this.

Then the biggest girl said “Mum why is there boy in here” very loudly, the mother then turnt to me and said “Couldn’t you have taken him into mother and baby or round the back of somewhere because he is making my daughters feel uncomfortable”

I am usually very good at ignoring people, I replied by saying “don’t be so pathetic you silly silly woman” a few more words were exchanged then I went on to tell her to stop embarrassing herself.

I feel a bit bad now, was IBU?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 30/06/2018 19:32

I'm not condoning what the man did @funinthesun18, merely saying that his annoyance was understandable.

rosesandflowers1 · 30/06/2018 19:36

She does sound silly.

He was a six year old boy with his mother. The girls were immature, and that's not something she should pander to.

I think I might have laughed at hearing someone called "a silly silly woman" in a public toilet Grin

YWNBU to be angry about her arrogant attitude and inability to correct their silly behaviour. Perhaps your remark was, but nobody's perfect!

rosesandflowers1 · 30/06/2018 19:46

I can't believe some of these comments!

The girls weren't "uncomfortable", they were being silly and rude, quite clearly. I don't find it plausible that a girl wouldn't be able to connect the dots as to why a young boy was in the toilet with his mother! Depending on age, obviously, but I can't see why you would "loudly" ask the question unless you were trying to be rude. Surely if she genuinely couldn't fathom why, she would ask it quietly?

The woman's response was a new level of insulting. OP was not unreasonable to be annoyed; if anything her response was a bit too much. Girls are not entitled to be silly and passive aggressive, nor should their mothers encourage it.

mosessupposes · 30/06/2018 19:47

Sounds accurate, she sounds pretty silly. She should have reminded her daughters that he is just a little boy, and that would have been the end of it.

MommaCinders · 30/06/2018 19:48

Seriously.... Read... @arethereanyleftatall because you aren't reading my posts properly at all. That was not my first reaction. The first thing I said to the man was OK well I apologise for that but could you not have waited until I got back rather than behaving the way you have his response.... I thought you were behind the door.... 🤔🤨 unless I'm made of paper it was obviously and fundamentally impossible for me to be stood behind the door. The cubicle was a standard 4×4 cubicle if not smaller... There was no.. Behind the door.. It was only once I noticed that he had scared my son to the point of him weeing his pants that I went and had a go at the man... Outside... My son didn't tell me he'd wet himself because he was too busy trembling and crying and yet I had still spoken to him sternly about his wrongful actions before and after the event. He neve r did it again. And I'm not teaching my son he can do what he wants because that's not how I have brought my child up but we don't walk around the toilets with our vaginas out or our tits out so could you please explain what exactly the big hoo har is about with him waiting by the hand dryers or sinks for me. I'm not talking about him walking off he doesn't have the mental age of a five year old I'm talking about abduction. If I feel like having him wait by the hand dryers whilst he holds the door open for little old ladies keeps him safe just a little while longer then I am going to do that. I'm sorry if him being in there whilst you have tinkle in your own cubicle is discomforting for you but with the world we live in today a situation like that does not appear to me to be more important than the safety of my child. It's a silly notion when he is doing nothing to harm anyone or invade their privacy.

emss55 · 30/06/2018 19:51

1000% YANBU. You sounded like you kept your cool tbh. My God how can a 6 yr old little boy make anyone feel uncomfortable. She was indeed a very silly woman.

Original poster
MrsHappyAndMrCool · 30/06/2018 20:11

emss55 - Thanks, and thanks to everyone who has said I wasn’t being unreasonable. I’m just getting over it now. I just still can’t believe the audacity of her!

OP posts:
sockunicorn · 30/06/2018 20:24

YWNBU. there are cubicle doors - no reason for her DDs to be uncomfortable. Hes not watching them wee FFS.

DesignStatement · 30/06/2018 20:38

She was a silly silly woman. You were being descriptive.

teaandtoast · 30/06/2018 21:40

I really dislike the sneering tone taken towards these girls. Silly, immature, snowflakes, being pandered to. FFS, they're not adults.

givenchycallsmyname · 30/06/2018 22:41

@teaandtoast they are entitled, and their mother is a precious, enabler!

teaandtoast · 01/07/2018 00:57

@given - what, entitled to use a female toilet?! 😂

Marriedwithchildren5 · 01/07/2018 01:42

Brilliant. As a mum of ds6 he will go in to the mens when he's ready. Anyone who questions it with attitude deserves it back. Don't feel guilty!

HettiePeg · 01/07/2018 01:51

YAWNBU OP. He’s only six years old. The OW was being UR. And rude so deserved to get the response she did. Good for you for sticking up for your son. This is mumsnet however so don’t be surprised if you get told by some posters on here that you get told you were BU on the basis that he’s male Hmm

ThistleAmore · 01/07/2018 02:39

I don't have children, but I do go to supermarkets quite a lot, and I've yet to find one that doesn't have a 'parent's room' with a loo and a changing facility for infants.

Would it not just have been better to go there and avoid any kind of confrontation? I have male friends with daughters and this is what they do.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 01/07/2018 02:46

He's 6. My DS 6 goes in the men's, but I can see why you wouldn't want yours too, and I certainly wouldn't be shocked to see a 6yo boy in the ladies.

Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 01/07/2018 06:13

I and this once,
I told the women to teach her daughters some manners

DuchyDuke · 01/07/2018 06:19

At 6 my neice, along with her friends, use the ladies by themselves. Why is it only the mother of boys who feel the need to drag them into women’s spaces.

Kit10 · 01/07/2018 07:10

DuchyDuke do you have a 6 year old? Do you know for a fact your niece uses the toilet by herself in public at every opportunity? Not a chance in hell am I asking my 7 year old even to go into the men's while I am queuing no doubt for the ladies in a busy environment, I wouldn't let him go anywhere else by himself so why would I leave him to go into a busy toilet where I can't see him and have him wondering around outside waiting for me where it's busy full of strangers? I'm picturing a busy service station toilets, yes in a small cafe or something where I can see the door I will let him crack on by himself, but somewhere busy, not a chance, and if you or anybody had anything to say about that I can tell you I wouldn't put it half as politely as the OP did.

funinthesun18 · 01/07/2018 07:19

At 6 my neice, along with her friends, use the ladies by themselves. Why is it only the mother of boys who feel the need to drag them into women’s spaces.

Well jolly for them. But I can guarantee that girls still go in with their mums at that age depending on where they are.

If it’s at say a playcentre or somewhere quiet I encourage my son to go in to the male toilets by himself and he does. But say we’re at Manchester Arndale on Saturday afternoon like fuck is my 7 year old going in on his own.
I would judge anyone who let their 6 year old child go in on their own in a place like that, your niece’s parents included.

A 6 year old boy is not invading your space ffs.

funinthesun18 · 01/07/2018 07:22

Kit10 Exactly my thoughts.

Fivelittleduckies · 01/07/2018 07:23

I would never think twice at taking my child into the toilets with me. At an age when they still need to be with an adult in public then they need to be accompanied to public restrooms.

OP your reply was obviously not the most thoughtful but then neither was the whole situation.

Sad that it’s even an issue to be in a public women’s restroom with your young child. Even more sad that some pp have turned this into a gender/sexism issue. It is simply a matter of responsible parenting Confused

Caribbeanyesplease · 01/07/2018 07:24

DuchyDuke

Can you link to any news story of where two women had been arrested for indecent behaviour in women’s toilets?
There are a few but very very rare.

I won’t link, because quite frankly the stories are profoundly disturbing, but a cursory google reveals that there are many many reports of boys in men’s toilets having horrifying sexual experiences.

So statistically, the risk of something occurring to a 6 year old boy alone in a men’s toilet, whilst very very slight, is very very significantly higher than something awful happening to a solo girl in female toilets.

ButchyRestingFace · 01/07/2018 07:26

How were the girls being “silly”, @mrshappyandmrcool?

What exactly did they do?

Velvete · 01/07/2018 07:43

YWNBU. He's only six and I agree with you. Your response was OK and I'm glad you stood up for yourself but I agree in hindsight a better response would have been to tell the woman to teach her daughters some manners.