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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said this?

337 replies

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 30/06/2018 13:07

So me and DS6 went to do a food shop this morning, he needed to go to the toilet so I took him into the ladies.

There was a lady in there with 3 girls, there was a little bit of silliness towards my son going on amongst the three girls whilst we waited for a cubicle to become free, which I ignored because I know girls can be very silly when it comes to things like this.

Then the biggest girl said “Mum why is there boy in here” very loudly, the mother then turnt to me and said “Couldn’t you have taken him into mother and baby or round the back of somewhere because he is making my daughters feel uncomfortable”

I am usually very good at ignoring people, I replied by saying “don’t be so pathetic you silly silly woman” a few more words were exchanged then I went on to tell her to stop embarrassing herself.

I feel a bit bad now, was IBU?

OP posts:
PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 01/07/2018 10:02

I wouldn’t take my 6yo DS into a ladies. They are able to go themselves at that age surely, what does he do at school.

A school has toilet facilities designed for children and only children or DBS checked adults will be using the facilities.

funinthesun18 · 01/07/2018 10:03

PitterPatter I agree with you 100%. I was being sarcastic Smile

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 01/07/2018 10:05

funinthesun18

Whoosh! Sorry! Just am really shocked at some the replies that a little boy in the ladies poses some kind of problem!

Fluffyrainbows · 01/07/2018 10:07

I take my little boy with me, where else is he supposed to go? Utterly ridiculous. And why would little girls feel uncomfortable? Very odd. You probably could have responded differently but I don't blame you. She was being silly and rude.

Fluffyrainbows · 01/07/2018 10:11

I just don't get it really, surely each person goes into a cubicle to use the facilities and just washes their hands publicly? It's not like there's genitals being waved around inappropriately Hmm

funinthesun18 · 01/07/2018 10:13

Me too. I don’t get why people can’t just get on with their day without using a bit of common sense...

Little boy is in the ladies toilets with his mum, too little to go in to the men’s on his own in a busy place. Not a threat to me or my daughters whatsoever because he’s a little boy. Hey, I used my common sense today. Go me!

Kit10 · 01/07/2018 10:15

Allthegoodusernameshavegone

So if it's just you and your boy and a really busy shopping centre, concert, service station you would send your 6 year old boy off out of sight?

Emma198 · 01/07/2018 10:17

All the posters telling you you were rude has made me think about myself as I'd have probably been worse Grin

It happened and she was rude and unreasonable to you first. Don't let it bother you.

bookbuddy · 01/07/2018 10:26

Oh for goodness sake he’s a 6 year old boy, what exactly is he going to do to those girls? I’m all for teaching girls speak up if uncomfortable but in this situation it is actually ridiculous, a child using a cubicle with his mother! I honestly cannot see why that would make anyone uncomfortable. Op some people are idiots I think you were reasonable.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 01/07/2018 10:27

I actually meant that their mother should have said that to her.

MyKingdomForBrie · 01/07/2018 10:31

Your response was rubbish though because it didn't make a point.

I would have said 'he's a six year old child please do explain why exactly that troubles you? and no I can't 'take him round the back' he's not a dog'.

rosesandflowers1 · 01/07/2018 10:32

They are able to go themselves at that age surely, what does he do at school.

Oh, good Lord.

You didn't really just compare public toilets to the ones he'd be using at school?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 01/07/2018 10:32

The "Why's DD wearing that jumper?" question was asked by an 8yo, after she'd just explained why she was late for a choir trip to the same boy. Even quite old children ask questions you think they should probably be able to work out the answer to themselves.

ManicStreetTeacher · 01/07/2018 10:45

I'm assuming the toilet cubicles had doors on them?!
YANBU. She started it with her nonsense about her special, snowflake daughters. She had the opportunity to explain to them why your son was likely to be in that toilet and chose not to, so she absolutely deserved your reply. And your son deserved you to defend him too. Your reaction sounds mild compared to what I would've said.

teaandtoast · 01/07/2018 13:43

Dear God, I dread to think what some of you will be like as mils, given your attitude to girls here.

funinthesun18 · 01/07/2018 14:06

teaandtoast The same can be said for the people have an attitude towards boys. Dread to think what they’d be like as MILs.

rosesandflowers1 · 01/07/2018 16:15

Dear God, I dread to think what some of you will be like as mils, given your attitude to girls here.

What attitude are you seeing? Hmm

If it helps, I have two daughters. Thankfully I've never dealt with a scenario like this, if I did I'd do so like this:

  1. If somehow my DD didn't understand the dangers of a six (four!) year old, without his mother/father, going inside a public adult bathroom, I'd simply say "because he's too young to go on his own."
  1. If they were being silly and deliberately rude/nasty, as it seems these girls were, I'd tell them to stop such unkind behaviour, and apologise to the boy and his mother.

I wouldn't tell the other mother to take her child "round the back somewhere" like he's an animal. I dread to think what she'll be like as a MIL.

AimlesslyPurposeful · 01/07/2018 17:35

TornFromTheInside - “If we are teaching our children to fear each other at such a young age, it's little wonder there's such a divide. Not only that, but to fear them in the presence of two parents too?“

Well said.

OP, I thought you were quite restrained.

Not sure what the alternative is when you’re a mum with young boys. Go into the male loos with them?

Port1ajazz · 01/07/2018 17:42

Queequeg07 you must be one of the snowflakes people are talking about and the mother who said her little girls were "uncomfortable " is making sure they will be right behind you ! No , she wasn't rude !

Port1ajazz · 01/07/2018 17:47

Pitterpatterofbigfeet ,tell that to the mother of the 7yr old who was abused by a man in the loo of a supermarket a few years ago !😡

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 01/07/2018 17:55

Ignore her. She is the silly bitch, I’m sure her girls didn’t feel at all embarrassed.

Catchuptv · 01/07/2018 17:56

YANBU. She was.

Putthekettleonplease · 01/07/2018 17:56

I take my six year old boy in the ladies all the time. And I will continue to do so. My words to that person would have been a lot more direct.

No way I’m sending a child into the men’s toilets when I have no idea who is in there.

tictac86 · 01/07/2018 18:00

Not being unreasonable at all. She was very rude to you and you reacted. I feel cross for you and your son.

Katherine2626 · 01/07/2018 18:02

Some mothers are very 'Precious' and like people to think that they are sooo protective of every aspect of their children's lives. The girls weren't upset, you said - in any event many places are now having one toilet for all . She was silly. You were a bit rude but I think I might have been too under the circumstances!