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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MUST WEAR BLACK

276 replies

Hamandcheesebaguette · 30/06/2018 12:38

AIBU?

Hen Party tonight... not even a close friend, one of my friends sisters.

We absolutely must wear all black. Completely black. Not black with a pattern or embellishments or a bloody red stripe. Completely black.

She will "obviously" be wearing white.

She has reminded everyone 7 times this week that we MUST ONLY WEAR BLACK.

AIBU to not go. I don't have any plain black dresses, I could wear jeans and a black top but then I'll look like a flumpy flumperson and I actually think it's completely ridiculous.

Even my gorgeous heels that are black with silver stars on them are not permissible.

AIBU?!?!?!?

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 30/06/2018 14:14

She's being stupid and I'd feel like cancelling.

BUT if I'd paid for the activities I'd want to go for that reason if nothing else.

Wear your shoes with stars (I want some!) and whatever else is black that you like. The black bodycon thing with dark purple flower pattern sounds nice.

If she kicks off, stand back and let her. Let her mates see how ridiculous she is.

If her mates all kick off with her, sack them off, come home and drink gin on your own with a good book.

DamsonGin · 30/06/2018 14:15

Or you could go to the effort and wear black but then get one of those bright green hair spray dyes or have a glitter accident over yourself before you go out.

CaptainBrickbeard · 30/06/2018 14:20

What is the mentality of this kind of request? If you invite people out, surely you want to create a fun, enjoyable occasion with people you care about? Setting a dress code like this seems to be more about casting yourself as star of your own personal show and expecting everyone else to be an extra, just there to set you off to a better advantage. It’s painfully narcissistic and embarrassing for an adult to behave this way.

Angelil · 30/06/2018 14:26

All black? Why? Is it a funeral? What an odd request.

SimonBridges · 30/06/2018 14:27

Fuck all of this.
I hate this petty ‘my special day’ bullshittery.
I wouldn’t go, but then none of my friends would pull this shit.

TornFromTheInside · 30/06/2018 14:29

What is the mentality of this kind of request? If you invite people out, surely you want to create a fun, enjoyable occasion with people you care about? Setting a dress code like this seems to be more about casting yourself as star of your own personal show and expecting everyone else to be an extra, just there to set you off to a better advantage. It’s painfully narcissistic and embarrassing for an adult to behave this way.

Is the truth.
When you actually break it down, this is the crux of the matter 'it's MY occasion, and I am the star'. Yes, it's her special occasion, but it's not an ego boost. It's about supposed to be about good friends celebrating a significant moment in one of their lives. Celebration should never require a dress code.

TornFromTheInside · 30/06/2018 14:30

Fuck all of this.
I hate this petty ‘my special day’ bullshittery.
I wouldn’t go, but then none of my friends would pull this shit.

Spat my coffee out at that.
Say what you feel, say what you feel!

I agree btw!

LightAsTheBreeze · 30/06/2018 14:34

Just wear the black jeans and top and you nice nearly black shoes, I certainly wouldn't buy anything new for it, if she don't like the shoes then tough

iklboo · 30/06/2018 14:36

This kind of stuff always reminds me of the mean girls in Muriel's Wedding.

MUST WEAR BLACK
crispysausagerolls · 30/06/2018 14:39

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar

It’s a wedding related activity and she wants to stand out as the bride. What’s the issue with that? Seems very mean-spirited not to let her!

OP I certainly wouldn’t buy anything new or second hand - wear whichever of the 3 choices you like the best!

hammeringinmyhead · 30/06/2018 14:40

The main reason I suggested something new is that the thought of jeans in this heat makes me want to weep!

Discotits · 30/06/2018 14:41

Did she think the Dreamboys actually gave a shiny shite who the bride to be was, Discotits?! Stood out, indeed

My friend was an attendee. Apparently there were a fair few groups like that and it was to help the dream boys pick out the bride for a special dance. Hmm

TornFromTheInside · 30/06/2018 14:48

My God - am I really reading this?

It helped to identify her to the Dreamboys for a special dance?
You mean to have a cock shoved in her face in celebration of her marriage?

Inertia · 30/06/2018 14:48

I’d wear something suitable for the weather that’s mostly black, if that’s what you’ve got. And yes to the sparkly shoes. Just claim you didn’t realise it was all black.

CaptainBrickbeard · 30/06/2018 14:53

If you want to be identified as the bride you can wear a sash or a veil or something - dictating what a group of other people wear is massively self-indulgent and vain.

Rainydaydog · 30/06/2018 14:53

Wear nearly all black and if she says anything about the embellishment ask her if she has turned into a bridezilla or what?

raviolidreaming · 30/06/2018 14:53

Activities??

Cocktail making or dance lesson? It's not unheard of for there to be activities

I've seen a few hen do photos where everyone's in one colour except the hen. I like it - even the inevitable #bridetribe hashtag on Instagram. But if it's not for you, it's not for you. No need to try and be a cunt by going in red or a wedding dress to prove you're somehow superior.

Discotits · 30/06/2018 14:56

It helped to identify her to the Dreamboys for a special dance?
You mean to have a cock shoved in her face in celebration of her marriage?

Yep! Suffice to say, I’m glad I wasn’t in attendance.

Tinkobell · 30/06/2018 15:04

If you've got the body for it, a black leather cat suit!

Tinkobell · 30/06/2018 15:04

All go black.....but burlesque?!

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/06/2018 15:08

Stuff that. I'd wear my jeans and whatever top I felt like and be done with it.

Her white outfit will be white for about five mins when she leans against the bar or table and gets wine or beer on it. The dress code will mean Jack shit when she's borrowing your blazer to hide the fact her bra is shining through her top under the weird lighting Grin

toolazytothinkofausername · 30/06/2018 15:11

Why are some brides such psychos?!? And £120 for a hen party?!? Shock Is this the new norm? How much will they charge you one day to attend the baby shower?!? When does the madness end?!?!?!?

squeaver · 30/06/2018 15:25

This thread is yet further evidence of why I hate hen nights.

I paid £120 for the last one I went to which covered a cocktail-making class (so we got one free cocktail), some poncey bowl food and some wine, which ran out almost as soon as the food was served. At which point I made my excuses and left.

Just wear whatever you've got that's close to black - and comfortable in this heat. If she throws a hissy fit when you get there say, "Fine, I'll go home then. Can I have my money back please?"

theymademejoin · 30/06/2018 15:25

@noeffingidea - How is this is difficult? Surely you have a pair of black trousers/skirt, a black top and some black shoes?

I have black shoes and a pair of black trousers. That's it. Black doesn't suit me and I certainly wouldn't be buying something unflattering to pacify someone operating at this level of dictatorialism.

Stinkywink · 30/06/2018 15:38

I would love this, most of my wardrobe is black. But I was a goth a teen! 👻