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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MUST WEAR BLACK

276 replies

Hamandcheesebaguette · 30/06/2018 12:38

AIBU?

Hen Party tonight... not even a close friend, one of my friends sisters.

We absolutely must wear all black. Completely black. Not black with a pattern or embellishments or a bloody red stripe. Completely black.

She will "obviously" be wearing white.

She has reminded everyone 7 times this week that we MUST ONLY WEAR BLACK.

AIBU to not go. I don't have any plain black dresses, I could wear jeans and a black top but then I'll look like a flumpy flumperson and I actually think it's completely ridiculous.

Even my gorgeous heels that are black with silver stars on them are not permissible.

AIBU?!?!?!?

OP posts:
NeedsAGreenCardForFantasyLand · 01/07/2018 18:51

Get a black fuzzy bathrobe. Wear that.

My university has a parade at every Reunion where the participants wear white. Every so often a class just wears white bathrobes. Very comfy and DEFINITELY reusable.

Strongmummy · 01/07/2018 19:15

If you don’t want to go, don’t go. If you fancy a night out just wear as much black you can without compromising your self esteem.

AttilaTheMusical · 01/07/2018 19:17

I don't think there's anything odd in a dress code either. It always has been a hen party tradition
Well I've had two hen do's, one in 1984 and the other in 1997. Since about 1980 I must have been to getting on for 30 hen nights, and not one of them had a 'dress code' other than that the bride would usually be draped in some old net curtains over her head and have L plates randomly attached about her person. We might have had the occasional treat of deely boppers or bunny ears, or daft pink feather boas or something like that, but absolutely nothing approaching the utter ridiculousness of this recent so-called 'tradition'
Tradition my arse.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 01/07/2018 19:25

I hope you went as Darth Vader.

Diamondsandjems · 01/07/2018 19:28

Ive been on a hen like this, we all wore black and the bride wore white. TBH I preferred it to being in fancy dress and it’s not hard or expensive to pick up a black dress. Try Primark or somewhere if your hard up, get something you’ll wear again.

rosesandflowers1 · 01/07/2018 20:13

Tradition my arse.

Really? I've been on four hen dos, three had a theme/dress code, the other didn't but there were a load of accessories including jackets with names on the back Grin I think I still have it.

It is very common for hen dos to have "themes", or dress codes, isn't it? Pyjamas, or "hippie", "princess" etc. Lots of hen dos ask for dress codes in relation to a particular country, like India or Japan which I think is super tacky unless the bride is from there

The black/white thing is relatively new but asking them to wear something particular to the hen do is not.

iklboo · 01/07/2018 20:15

OP has already been on the do.

manicmij · 01/07/2018 20:16

Don't go, this bride to be is a bit too precious to tell everyone what to wear. Surely she should be pleased people are actually going to celebrate with her. Avoid hen do's like the plague!

FrayedHem · 01/07/2018 20:20

It was yesterday. It's a Hen-Done

AynRandTheObjectivist · 01/07/2018 20:32

It's a blackout.

Mummyof0ne · 01/07/2018 20:42

I think you’re being unreasonable

It’s the bride to be’s Night and I think that’s quite a normal theme. Just go with it otherwise you’ll cause an atmosphere

Graphista · 01/07/2018 20:43

Last British hen I went on 15 years ago was accessories (bunny ears n boas, I think?) but certainly not as prescriptive as the bride tried to make this. It was basically a pub crawl in a busy city so the accessories were as much to keep track of each other as anything else, was a good night.

Other hens I've been to before and since have just been normal nights out, sometimes bride in as pp net curtains or kids dress up veil and maybe L plates.

I agree the more someone tries to organise the fun, the less fun it is!

Made me think of Monica's party in friends in the one with 2 parties.

My hen was probably quite boring by today's standards but as a result it ended up quite surreal! My grans were there (was close to them both) but as we didn't want to do anything too 'risqué' and offend them we went for a meal, with cocktails and then to a 'family friendly' theatre show, but because we were pissed (especially the grans!!) we saw all sorts of innuendo in it plus the bright colours made it all a bit psychedelic! Ended up being loads of fun actually. It was SO random!

Maybe I'm an old git but I think it's ridiculous how things are now with as a pp said, essentially 3 hen dos, weekends away, people expected to spend money that most at the moment just don't have. It's selfish and arrogant of brides to think their wedding and the events leading up to it are more important than people's day to day lives. It's become WAY out of hand.

Ladylisa · 01/07/2018 21:17

My sister is getting married in a few months, she wants me to send her a picture of my outfit so she can approve it because she didn’t like a dress I wore to a previous family wedding, I told her no chance, she said you are or you’re not coming....
I’m not going Smile

SimonBridges · 01/07/2018 21:25

Really? I've been on four hen dos, three had a theme/dress code, the other didn't but there were a load of accessories including jackets with names on the back grin I think I still have it.

Having a theme or printed tee shirts etc has been around a while, see Gavin and Stacey for example.
But still only 10 - 15 years or so. Hardly a tradition.

RiverTamFan · 01/07/2018 22:08

I'd be raiding my goth daughter's wardrobe and going for broke if someone insisted on this kind of nonsense.

I think black lace gloves, fishnets, black nail varnish, baroque jewellery, and a hooded black velvet, floor length cloak would make my point for me. Grin

liverbird10 · 01/07/2018 22:09

Tradition, my arse.

liverbird10 · 01/07/2018 22:15

I met some young "hens" (must have been a really insecure bloke who invented that term) on their night out while on holiday. The only dress code was the bride wearing a huge pink
inflatable flamingo ring round her waist. Confused

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 01/07/2018 22:41

(must have been a really insecure bloke who invented that term)
No, hen parties (at least in the part of Scotland where I now live) were for preparing hens for cooking and general food prep along with much drinking (stag parties were for butchering the stags which had previously been poached as well as lamb and beef). My husband can remember the hen and stag parties from when he was very young and they were all about the community gathering together and making sure there was a huge celebration- the wedding lasted 3 days in total, one for the stag/hen parties, one for the wedding and another where the bride and groom threw a party for everyone who had served at the wedding.

liverbird10 · 01/07/2018 23:12

I was being somewhat facetious... I knew someone would be along to tell me I was wrong! Grin

Thanks for the education though - seriously, it is always good to learn something. Smile

SimonBridges · 01/07/2018 23:16

All very interesting, Dont but what did they wear? I assume it was the traditional black.

Leapfrog44 · 02/07/2018 10:53

she sounds like a freaking nightmare - why is she your friend??

bemusedmoose · 02/07/2018 10:53

I really wouldnt want to go to something so... Umm... Forced. Sounds like a bridezilla of monster proportions and no doubt she will have the whole damn thing planned with military precision.

Im an ex goth so have a lot of black. So if i really had to go id either completely goth up or dress like a freakin rainbow 🌈! You don't tell guests what to wear.

SherbrookeFosterer · 02/07/2018 11:50

Don't go.

I doubt you have enough leisure time for what little you do have to be constrained by silly rules.

GorgonLondon · 02/07/2018 11:51

Yabu for not having a plain black dress

What do you wear for funerals?

FirstTimeMum07 · 02/07/2018 12:03

See I'm petty enough that I would wear black with some embellishments

I had a family member get married a few years ago and she wouldn't tell anyone the colour of the bridesmaids dresses so no one knew what colour to avoid, I found out it was purple and I wore a purple dress, oh well lol