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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did this woman think she was going on a date with my husband?

234 replies

poopsqueak · 25/06/2018 17:55

Right. This is a weird one.

Husband has a hobby. This woman sort of partakes in a similar hobby (think musician/dancer) so crosses paths with my husband and me on occasion.

I have met her on occasion. Not got a great vibe and felt a bit scrutinised and she was a bit patronising to me.

She sent him a fb message last week saying she had a 'spare' ticket to a gig and would he like it because it was sold out. Kind I thought but we had actually already got tickets to this gig.

It obviously sounded off to him because he showed me the message and said 'she'll be going with (mutual friend) and thought I might like to go, maybe he suggested me?'

I was like Hmm thinking hmm you are being kind assuming a big group are going. So he messaged her back saying 'yes me and Poop are already planning on going, see you there thanks for the thought etc.'

Anyway we went to the gig and she turned up at the venue next door, by herself and sits with us. Very dressed up. I asked (cringing at this now) 'who are you meeting are X and X coming?' And she replied 'no, just you two'

AIBU to think she thought she was going on a date with my husband? It's just made both of us (myself and my husband) feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 27/06/2018 12:30

These threads always amuse me because they seem to work off the presumption that the OP's husband is so supremely attractive that the default mode for other women is desperate attempts to seduce him.

Never underestimate the allure of him being in a band. My Uncle spent many years playing and singing in a moderately successful group and would have women all over him, my aunt was once told to fuck off and get ready for a divorce by a "fan". He wasnt bad looking but he freely admitted that none of them would have looked at him twice if he wasnt in the band.

Lemonyknickers · 27/06/2018 13:05

My DH is not a looker however works in a very female based field. One that requires a uniform and has calendars made up (think fireman type thing). He has 2 particular female friends who he sees regularly, they even call them date nights as they like to do stuff like sky diving etc. Not bothered at all
However a couple of years ago he changed job and one woman there gets my Spidey senses tingling (there are 3 men in a work force of over 100!) Hard to explain but like OP I don't trust her motives. She may fancy him, she may just be the sort of someone who needs male attention Fknows. Just because OP is suspicious of one person doesn't make her anti male/female friends, insecure and all the other bollocks some have posted. I'm proper fat, don't wear makeup, big Caesar belly, she's made up to the nines with lovely shiny hair and a waist and sends him personal texts about how fat and ugly she is and needs a hug. She stands no chance but it's still tiresome

Original poster
poopsqueak · 07/07/2018 22:22

😢 he has called to say he and 2 friends are at the pub and she's turned up alone (one of his friends has tagged on fb where they are).

I'm just feeling quite threatened now. I know I might be being unreasonable. I feel like she's just sniffing around him.

He's coming home now as he thinks it's weird she's there. But it still feels awful. She said has said she just 'popped into the pub for a drink after work' but it's no where near her work.

OP posts:
Original poster
poopsqueak · 07/07/2018 22:23

I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless.

OP posts:
MoseShrute · 07/07/2018 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sommelierrrr · 07/07/2018 22:32

Im assuming you're looking after your dc? Id just tell your dh to come home as its making you feel really upset. Hope youre ok Flowers

Sommelierrrr · 07/07/2018 22:35

Tbh id probably also send her a message to her, via fb saying look im sure youre not meaning to, but you're behaviour with dh js making you feel uncomfortable and frankly shes unwelcome by you both. He sends the same. Then block delete.

RandomMess · 07/07/2018 22:38

She has some sort of major crush on your DH and seems to be getting into full on stalking mode... perhaps DH needs to talk to non emergency police to ask at what point they will recognise it as harassment/stalking?

Ninabean17 · 07/07/2018 22:38

This sounds like such an awkward situation,but you trust your husband, he's being open and honest about communications with her, so although you can't stay with him wherever he goes you know he's not falling for her act and he's not afraid to say no to her. Hopefully she'll get bored soon and leave you and your dh be. x

twattymctwatterson · 07/07/2018 22:44

Seriously @RandomMess? She's turned up at two places she knows he'll be and he should call the police? She's making an arse of herself but not breaking the law.

Original poster
poopsqueak · 07/07/2018 22:47

He's coming home now and I am upset as I am looking after DD but I feel really pissed off that I'm upset and his night out has been ruined.

OP posts:
Original poster
poopsqueak · 07/07/2018 22:58

Ah no he's really cross now. I know it's not me he's cross at and I understand why he's annoyed buy it's so fucking annoying! He's calling me from the train to explain what happened in detail.

It's like there are no boundaries! We are married with a child and a house.

OP posts:
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 07/07/2018 22:59

I think you are right to be suspicious of her motives but your partner sounds like a decent one. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 07/07/2018 23:02

Why did he come home? Why not just suggest to who he was with that they go to another pub? Or be blunt with this woman..?

ferntwist · 07/07/2018 23:02

This is so bizarre. Glad your DH is coming home.

MissVanjie · 07/07/2018 23:02

Call the police

Seriously

🙄

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 07/07/2018 23:07

I think she'll maybe need to do a bit more before the Police are interested. It does sound like he needs to be blunt with her though.

Original poster
poopsqueak · 07/07/2018 23:13

So she sat with them in a kind of 'oh look you are here, mind if I join' and he just said he bottled being blunt and instead just said it was his last drink and left.

I think he pretty much ran away from the sounds of it. I wish I found it easy to be blunt. I just can't. Neither can he.

We are at a public event (he is participating) tomorrow and I am dreading her being there. Nothing I can do about it unfortunately though.

OP posts:
Helloflamingogo · 07/07/2018 23:24

Fgs don’t call the police.

The only person whose intentions you need to worry about is your DH. He is in complete control of it he’s into her or not - clearly he isn’t.

It sounds like he needs to be upfront - unless there’s more to it and they’re close at hobby/see each other as confidants. But ultimately, she can do what she wants, it doesn’t matter because he has a wife.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 07/07/2018 23:28

Some feminist!
She's clearly after him and not very subtle with it. Your DH just needs to stay weirded out by her and make it clear he's very in love with you and not interested in her. As long as you can trust him, you don't have anything to worry about.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 07/07/2018 23:29

Posts too soon - meant to add especially judging by his reaction so far.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 07/07/2018 23:29

It's something my sister experienced with one of her ex's. He's a musician too and one of his groupies - who's been following him for years in a major stalkerish manner - and makes very snide remarks to all his girlfriends. She inserts herself next to him and tries to command his attention. He's not interested in her but she does inflate his ego and brown noses the rest of the band.

He's a really decent man and would never cheat. He does need to tell her to fuck off though. Unfortunately she is a relation of someone important to the band so they all seem to put up with her.

They seem to pity her a bit but also laugh about it. I found it very disrespectful to my sister.

Timefortea99 · 07/07/2018 23:40

Pity the stupid cow. Your DH has signalled he is not interested. She is a sad sap trying to steal another woman’s DH. Turning up like a bad smell is not a good look. He does not sound tempted, she is a nothing and a needy nobody. She can do one. Relax, she isn’t a threat.

Original poster
poopsqueak · 07/07/2018 23:41

Shiny, this might be why he hasn't been more blunt with her. We have mutual friends. And the wife of one mutual friend is her best friend.

So I could see him telling her where to go having poor consequences for the group of friends. Unfortunately I am quite on the outskirts of that group and although I do know them I am not close to them at all. If I was I might have been able ask some questions about her/suss her out a bit more.

I'm fucking exhausted. Had an awful week at work and this sun is awful for sleeping. Which may mean I am more ratty than usual but it's really got my back up tonight.

OP posts:
ThinkingCat · 07/07/2018 23:44

So tomorrow you see her, let her come right up to him, then you say, in quite a loud voice :
"Hi xxx, are you stalking my husband again? Ha ha!"

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