Hurt over cheap gifts?

[C0tt0nstar]

I've always gotten cheap gifts from my parents, for Christmas and birthdays, for example I might have asked for a pair of Nike sneakers as a teen and instead received wal-mart brand. I've always been aware that my feelings of not being valued and feeling hurt over this are quite spoiled and selfish sounding, so I never brought it up with my parents until a year ago.

It was honestly a little mortifying to explain this as an adult to my parents, who have always provided well for me (I made sure I stressed this when I told them as well), but I had to let them know that when they asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said "just a nice, high-quality umbrella, something to last me a good while" and recived a dollar store compact umbrella, that quite literally broke the first time I used it due to only moderate winds, it was hurtful.

I tried to explain that I appreciated all they got for me though the years, but that I wished they'd get me something a bit special for the holidays, and if they couldn't a card with a hart-felt message would be nice, but the cheap gifts have continued.

I feel frustrated, unheard, and unappreciated, aibu?

Can I assume from your vocabulary that you are American? Not that it has any relevance. just nosy

Why do some people feel that the cost of a gift is equal to an expression of how much love someone feels for you?

How old are you? You still carry around that you had Walmark trainers rather than Nike..... gosh I'm shocked that the brand name is so important

Concentrate on what really matters in life - you can't take expensive gifts and branded goods to your grave

Wow ....just wow

Jeez, if any of you catty posters had actually read the thread you'd realise that it's more about the feelings of thoughtlessness and lack of care or interest by her family upsetting the OP. Most people can sympathise with that.

She's not money grabbing or entitled or whatever it is you seem to have immediately concluded. I imagine the thread title would have been worded better on reflection, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Is there anyone on this thread that feels a desperate need to give a gift, even when it's been explicitly expressed that the receiver doesn't want anything? I only ask because it's something I just don't get. If someone says they don't want something and really means it, surely it's just bad manners to go out and get them something anyway.

I was recently making over a corner of my garden. I was digging up some shrubs. Most went on Gumtree Freebies but a friend said she'd take some - great I thought. Here you go and thanks. Glad they're going to a good home, you're really doing me a favour and saving them getting dumped. She asked if I wanted anything for them. She has form for gift giving. 'Absolutely not' I replied, I've already given away others free to complete strangers, please don't buy me anything. I don't want anything for them etc. etc.

She then appears at my house a couple of weeks later with an item of furniture which though nice, I neither have room for it nor wanted. I've managed to squeeze it into a spot in the spare bedroom but FFS!! Instead of appreciating the gift I just felt really awkward to the point that I'm reluctant to ever offer her anything again because she will make a big point of getting me a gift. But then I'm the one looking like I'm unappreciative and unreasonable all because no-one listened to me!

You need to grow up. Older people have different priorities because they usually wore 2nd hand hand or made do, so think any new trainers are a treat. My father could afford to buy me Nike trainers but I never asked as an adult because I can buy them myself. They simply do not any value in designer labels, like a teenager does and dollar store umbrellas last as long as most other makes, as they are all crap, unless they are really high end.. However, they always bought the toys I wanted when I was a child and when I was older they always bought that dress for a special occasion, electronics for learning, gave money for trips etc because they value the happiness/ experience/memories these things gave. If I needed something major for the house and did not have the money, they would gift it to me because they know it is an essential investment, not a frivolous waste.

Boulty some of us still carry the cheap trainer thing around as we got bullied for it. It is over 20 years since I left school but I had an awful time there, I never had the ‘right’ clothes/trainers, my parents couldn’t afford it and I hated it. I wouldn’t say I’m ‘obsessed’ by brands now but I love being able to buy pretty much what I want (within reason). Lots of my clothes are from Primark but if I want Nikes or similar I get them, if I had kids I’d get them what they wanted.

MissCharleyP, I grew up with 'Nicks' trainers, I know just how you feel. Treat yourself to a pair of Nike Heraches. You will smile every time you put them on

I'm often living paycheck to paycheck.

With respect, so do lots of us.

I think you are confusing love with giving material gifts - not the same thing at all. Are you saying that your parents have been unkind and not shown you love? (I mean shown, not by buying things).

I totally get you! I have family members that I spend hours/days/weeks on in the weeks coming up to birthdays/Christmas to get that thoughtful gift that I know will be used and loved - I don't want to waste my money!

In return I get sale items or something that they should know I will never use as I'm not that type of person! To me its not being ungrateful its about not wanting them to waste their money on something which will simply be put on sales and wants or as many of my gifts do the charity bin. They ask me what I would like and I drop hints about what would be a good gift to make it easier and not a waste of money but they don't seem to take them. One family member in particular seems to either raid the sales for generic gifts or has a re-gifting cupboard - I have a drawer full of cheap jewelry, purses and handbags! You just need to look at me to know I've had the same trusty old good quality possessions for years and simply happy with them.

AgentHannahWells I’m going to check those out after payday!