To expect MIL to be able to look after my baby?

[NickMyLipple]

14 week old has been sleeping over at grandma's house every other Friday night for several weeks now. Today when we dropped DD she was a bit snuffly and dribbly and I wondered if she might be starting teething though she's a bit young... maybe she's just under the weather or got a little cold?

Anyway, AIBU to expect MIL to be able to deal with her even if she's a bit poorly and to call us if she is really stuck?

DP thinks I should call and make sure she is okay (his mum, that is!) But I think that's a bit condescending and she should be able to manage and will call us if she can't?

Bet if you called SS to report op for what, leaving her baby once a week with a loving and caring adult whilst they have binding time, and she recharges her batteries. You would instantly dismissed. I think those doing the judging, keep kids on their apron strings until they are adults. They are the types of parents who constantly helicopter their 8 year old in the park.

MIL will phone if there's a problem, I'm sure. I'm a GM and my dgs slept overnight here right from just a few weeks old. That means he's perfectly happy here and always has been. This is his second home. He's 5 now.

Us grandparents can cope. We've had babies ourselves and although fashions may change (eg when to wean? It used to be 4 months but now six?) you never forget how to love and care for a baby.

I can't believe people seriously think that the OP should be reported to social services!
I mean can you imagine the conversation? "Hello, I'd like to report a woman who leaves her baby with the baby's own grandmother 1 day in ever 14"

Jesus Wept!

Ha @TheGreatCornholio, you got there before me
Jesus Wept alright. Tears of laughter presumably at some of those posts!

Oh here we go again, the armchair psychologists😒😒😒😒

A friend on mine went back to work after six weeks of maternity leave (not in the U.K.) and that includes night shifts (she is a doctor). In her country it is completely normal and often the babies are not left with family, but childminder or nursery equivalents. Her husband’s job means he sometimes works nights, so there are times their grandparents help out and other friends envy them for being able to have this family help.

Omg it's once a week. What do you think of working parents, who leave their baby in childcare, go on let's hear!

This type of thread throws out the worst of mumsnet, honestly.

Fair play to the OP for looking after her relationship, mental health and getting a full night’s sleep without the handwringing or overdramatics of some posters here. And SHOCKER she left baby with her MOTHER IN LAW!

Some of the competitiveness by some posters that seem to believe that your success as a mother is directly linked to how much time is spent with your child, regardless of the quality of that time or the impact on your mental health from never getting a sodding break.

Frayedhem oh I must have missed that bit. In that case then yes, he should have phoned.

Has anyone ever been on a psychiatrist's couch recanting the tale of how they were left with close relatives over night once a fortnight? Really?? There are children out there being starved, neglected, abused, but OP is the world's worst mother for leaving her daughter with her grandmother every fourteen fucking days.

And what about babies, who have to be in the care of anyone but their biological mother, for whatever reason (death,illness,adoption,Fostering), they have no hope, then!

Not RTFT as I couldn't get passed the self rigeous people on the thread. If my DM or MIL would have had either of mine from that young I would have snapped their hands off. I both of my DC but time away is good, as they say, happy mummy, happy baby. Your baby must like it or she wouldn't sleep and you MIL wouldn't want her back.
I would expect your MIL to cope and 14 weeks isn't too young for their teeth to start moving, causing her to be snuffley. I would maybe give a ring to find out if baby settled ok

Jesus. It was only a couple of generations ago that several generations lived in one house and it was perfectly normal for grandparents to help out a great deal with very small babies.

And it makes a lovely change to hear of a mother promoting a good relationship with MIL from the early days rather than the normal helicoptering horrors on here who might allow MIL to take care of their little ones for an hour when they are 13 years old and chasing them away from the Moses basket if they suggest a cuddle.

Wow. Some nasty responses here. Why bother having a child? Really?! Get a grip of yourselves.

My kids are older and haven't spent a night away from me (no choice as it happens) and I'm not judging. It's great you have a chance to look after yourself and have a break. Would it be more acceptable to the outraged of it was a night nanny and not a granny?

You are trying to make OP feel guilty by using SIDS???

I TRULY HOPE THAT'S A TYPO......

This is so utterly bizarre. What on Earth is wrong with leaving a baby with its grandparents? My DS is six months old and adores both his grans, his face absolutely lights up when he sees them and I always think of it as a treat for him if I leave him with either of them. Fresh (but loving and familiar) faces to dote on him and fuss endlessly , what's wrong about that?

Glad baby is fine with her granny OP, enjoy your uninterrupted sleep!

Oh it's only once every 2 weeks. Wow nothing in the grand scheme of babies life. Instead of pouring scorn on op, save your sympathies for children who are being abused and neglected.

I've texted her and she sent back a (dark and blurry!) picture of DD fast asleep in her cot, so all is well

She’s in the same room as the baby in her cot, right?

Nope sorry, for me I'm sorry thinking those first 6-12 months are meant to be challenging. Sleepless nights are part of the parenting package. I signed up for it when I got pregnant as did husband.

I have three girls. The youngest is nearly 4. For the first time ever I left her with a close friend for 2 nights at 1yr old so DH and I could celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. Since that, hardly ever left them

That may sound bitter, twisted whatever but IMHO, I expected how to feel as a parent and even tho it was much more I would never ask, nor expect anyone else to have my child overnight. An hour at my house? Yeah sure but no more.

You signed up when you got pregnant, you should run the course.

MNetters can be funny about family looking after DCs. Normally those with no extended family nearby who can’t imagine anyone has different life experiences to them. It’s totally normal where I live for babies a few weeks old to have a night with the grandparents. I bf so it’s not how I’ve done things, but it doesn’t make me any better a parent ffs.

Fucking ridiculous responses, you have no idea about this dynamic! My mum had mine once a week for three months, overnight, primarily because she wanted to and loved it and the baby was calm & happy and slept well! Secondarily because I had severe PND and traumatic birth injuries. But even without that I would have been bloody grateful for that break and taken full advantage of the opportunity if offered!

I know it's laughable, ignore them op and keep doing what your doing as long as grannie and baby are happy.

Jesus real the fucking op. She goes to her grandmother's for a night every 2nd Friday.
So the grandparents have a relationship with their gc and the parents get a night off. If imagine they are having a take away and early night and good for them.
She was a bit sniffly and dribbly so probably teething.

I cannot believe people saying Op shouldn't have had a baby!
She is over 3 months and plenty of people have children in nursery by then but it's OK to have a stranger have your child because you pay but not a grandparent .

Mumsnet has some weird rules that I cannot fathom.