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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect MIL to be able to look after my baby?

339 replies

NickMyLipple · 22/06/2018 22:31

14 week old has been sleeping over at grandma's house every other Friday night for several weeks now. Today when we dropped DD she was a bit snuffly and dribbly and I wondered if she might be starting teething though she's a bit young... maybe she's just under the weather or got a little cold?

Anyway, AIBU to expect MIL to be able to deal with her even if she's a bit poorly and to call us if she is really stuck?

DP thinks I should call and make sure she is okay (his mum, that is!) But I think that's a bit condescending and she should be able to manage and will call us if she can't?

OP posts:
Hyppolyta · 22/06/2018 23:00

I cannot believe how rude people on this thread have been.

One night a fortnignt Mum gets a break, Grandma gets bonding time and the baby has another person to love and care for them. What is the problem?

If youre worried OP maybe text but all my babies were snuffly for the first few months, it does not always mean they are ill.

PrimalLass · 22/06/2018 23:00

Oh good gracious what a load of over reactions.

Original poster
NickMyLipple · 22/06/2018 23:01

It's every other week, so once a fortnight. This is the third time she's been and she has been fine every time.

For those questioning why I bothered to have a baby - bit of a mad question really seeing as though for 99% of the time I have her all day every day, I play with her, take her to groups, cuddle her, feed her, change her, blow raspberries on her tummy, bath her, read to her.... it's one night a fortnight I am not doing it - about 16 hours in fact. I really struggle to see why many of you think it's so awful!

OP posts:
maxthemartian · 22/06/2018 23:01

Oh ffs the child hasn't been tossed out to be raised by wolves. Some ridiculously OTT responses.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/06/2018 23:02

Omg the responses on here. The baby is with her loving grandma, not on her own fgs! There may be many reasons why op has grannie looking after her baby. The dramatics in here! Many people leave their baby in nursery or childcare, to go to work, what tge hell is wrong with tge baby going to gran sometimes! Only thing is, you shoukd have checked with gran first to see if it is ok as yiur baby has a cold.

Bumchin101 · 22/06/2018 23:02

Wow some harsh comments

You could always send a text to MIL to see if baby is ok just in case the phone ringing wakes baby up. I'm sure MIL would let you know if your little one becomes worse. I think it's a lovely thing your DD spending some bonding time with your MIL. It's not like you do this every day! So YNBU like i said MIL would surely let you know she had/has any concerns over DDs health, it's not like she hasn't raised children of her own

Fucksgiven · 22/06/2018 23:02

Extended families are very healthy for children. As are happy mothers. I don't suppose you would send her if poorly, and I'm sure Mil could say if not ok. Ignore the judgemental posts OP there's nothing wrong with grannies looking after babies

C8H10N4O2 · 22/06/2018 23:03

The arrangement could be:

  • at the DGM request
  • to support night work
  • be paid
  • because they want to go clubbing and get riotously drunk
  • because its common in the wider family for DGPs to be more involved in the children's lives early on

The OP hasn't stated which.

Bringonspring · 22/06/2018 23:03

Yes what is reverse

It is judgey . Baby is with grandma. One night in 14. We have no support near us and in 3 years have only spent two nights away, what I wouldn’t give to have more help.

Wheelerdeeler · 22/06/2018 23:03

Drama over a 14 week old staying with her grandmother.

Op this is perfectly ok as long as you and grandmother are happy about it.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/06/2018 23:05

I used to leave baby dd with her godmother as a baby at times as she was so hard, and godmother used to help my sanity, it used to allow me shopping for a few hours, or to get a decent night sleep. Dd used to cry from 9am-9pm day and night and it was hard. She had colic, later dx as having ASD and learning difficulties.

elephantoverthehill · 22/06/2018 23:05

OP what a lovely MIL you have.

pinkhorse · 22/06/2018 23:08

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Aeroflotgirl · 22/06/2018 23:09

I am just reading some of the posts on here and they are making me sick, some posters need enrolling in drama classes.

Greendayz · 22/06/2018 23:10

I'm deeply envious of you having a MIL who is both local and up for having her DGD once fortnight.Envy How lovely for you all!

If you want to check how things are but don't want MIL to think you're implying she can't cope then call and ask how the baby is, rather than how MIL is coping. Worst she'll possibly think is that you're an over anxious new mum.

And ignore silly judgy people on here. It is much easier to get a baby used to more than one carer when they're under 6 months. After that they start getting separation anxiety. But your DD probably won't, because she'll be really used to being with her gran by then Smile

Thewheelshavefallenoffthebus · 22/06/2018 23:11

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Aeroflotgirl · 22/06/2018 23:11

Wow tge armchair dx has started. My goodness. The occasional night with grannie fgs, not leaving him out to the elements Pink!

TheLionRoars1110 · 22/06/2018 23:12

I would send a quick text. No harm done and I don't think your Mil will be offended.

Regingaphalange · 22/06/2018 23:12

Can't believe the replies on this thread 🤦.

To all judgemental insecure mummies out there. Family members ARE CAPABLE of looking after your child.....

You are NOT A BETTER PARENT because you don't leave your child with anyone else!!

OP give your MIL a ring to check how your baba is doing. I'm sure they'll be great Grin

Original poster
NickMyLipple · 22/06/2018 23:12

My MIL is fab and we are very lucky. My mum isn't as local but would love to help out more. MIL is about 7 minutes drive away, a primary school teacher and has raised 3 of her own, lovely and well-adjusted children. I trust her implicitly with my babies life.

I've texted her and she sent back a (dark and blurry!) picture of DD fast asleep in her cot, so all is well :)

OP posts:
FrayedHem · 22/06/2018 23:13

And the OP has said it was MIL's idea. Unless some posters think MIL was only offering to be polite and the OP should have turned her down, and it is actually a parent competency test that the OP and her DP have now FAILED. Or it would actually only be the OP who failed and her DP would be exempt.

TheFishInThePot · 22/06/2018 23:13

Oh wow the responses on here!
Why bother having her?.....Er probably for the other 13 and a half days a fortnight that they are together.

Mammalamb · 22/06/2018 23:13

Although I can see why many wouldn’t want their baby away overnight so young, I can’t see the problem. It means that mum and Dad get a full nights sleep. This will help OP out a huge amount, sleep deprivation can be horrendous.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/06/2018 23:13

Oh stop it thewheels you are sounding pathetic. She is leaving him occasionally with his loving grandma, not home alone. Why does op need parting courses can you say! Mabey she needs some time to herself, maybe she is finding it hard. Babies can be very hard, and having dd knocked me for six. This is one of the most judgy threads ever!

Fuckwithnosensesauce · 22/06/2018 23:13

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