Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To expect MIL to be able to look after my baby?

339 replies

NickMyLipple · 22/06/2018 22:31

14 week old has been sleeping over at grandma's house every other Friday night for several weeks now. Today when we dropped DD she was a bit snuffly and dribbly and I wondered if she might be starting teething though she's a bit young... maybe she's just under the weather or got a little cold?

Anyway, AIBU to expect MIL to be able to deal with her even if she's a bit poorly and to call us if she is really stuck?

DP thinks I should call and make sure she is okay (his mum, that is!) But I think that's a bit condescending and she should be able to manage and will call us if she can't?

OP posts:
FuckPants · 23/06/2018 09:44

Some of the posters here are disgusting.

Is there a reason you're sending her away regularly? Are you having to work? I don't understand why you would have this arrangement otherwise or why you wouldn't want to be with baby whilst poorly Sad

Comments like these are batshit, have a fucking word with yourself.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/06/2018 09:44

You can't possibly love your mil and trust her with a baby op. You're breaking mumsnet law. Grin

DaenerysismyQueen · 23/06/2018 09:45

What on earth! This thread is bonkers.

My DC has had loads of contact with with his DGP (including overnights when he was a baby, although I have forgotten from when!) and has really strong bonds with them.

I'm now about to have twins and am so incredibly grateful my gorgeous little boy's world isn't going to be as rocked as it could have been by me not being around as much.

Some posters really need to realise that secure attachment is not just formed between a mum and a baby!

OP I hope you enjoyed your lie in Grin

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 23/06/2018 09:46

these women on here are a madness.

FishFingerInjury · 23/06/2018 09:46

Sounds like a lovely set up to me that all parties are comfortable and happy with. A night off every fortnight is brilliant for new parents I think.

If just a bit snotty but otherwise well, I don’t see an issue at all. Your MIL would hopefully call you if she is concerned that it’s more than the usual sniffle that kids seem to have for the first 3 years of life almost 50% of the time.

BarbarianMum · 23/06/2018 09:47

Another one who's Shock at the unnecessary and over the top judgement on this thread.

I was never ready for my babies to sleep away from me but I have several friends who had arrangements similar to the OP. All the children concerned (mine and theirs) have grown up fine. Only difference is those mums who were ok with sleepovers got more sleep.

greenlavender · 23/06/2018 09:54

I cannot believe the holier than though comments on here. OP you sound very grounded and your MIL is a gem - nice to see.

takingsmallsteps · 23/06/2018 09:56

OP, all this thread has got me thinking about is that mine are overdue a sleepover at their grandparents! 😂

We get a takeaway, have loud sex and a lie in. 😎

C8H10N4O2 · 23/06/2018 09:57

Good for you OP.

If children have the opportunity to grow up with a close relationship with DGPs and wider family then they are fortunate.

It doesn't always work out but its great when it can and no reason why all parties should not enjoy it.

Thishatisnotmine · 23/06/2018 10:03

Wow OP, I think I have seen your username before so hopefully you know mumsnet it usually better than this.

I left dd1 for the first time overnight when she was almost two. Do I get outraged that other babies aren't attached to their mother's breast all day everyday? No! Do I get a little jealous? Yes! Wink

Your ds is going to have lovely close connections with othee family members and you and dh get some time to talk about things other than a baby and have a lie in. Sounds good. I would have phoned MIL though just to check everything was going well, it's amazing how a little but of snot can stop babies from sleeping.

SugarIsAmazing · 23/06/2018 10:12

I see nothing wrong with the baby staying with her granny overnight once a fortnight. I'm sure she'll be fine, OP. She obviously raised your husband ok.

My daughter has a little boy, my beautiful grandson and she won't let him put of her sight. He's one next month and he's never been away from her for even a few hours, and she's making him clingy and doing him no favours.
I would dearly loved to have been allowed to take him for the day or overnight but I have to respect her decision.

Nicknacky · 23/06/2018 10:18

sugar Never, not even to go to the gym or have a coffee with a friend?

Nicknacky · 23/06/2018 10:19

I actually meant shop, not gym😂. That's because I live in the gym, I don't expect others to?

Sortofcool · 23/06/2018 10:21

I’ve never read so much indignant bollocks as there’s been on this thread.
If everyone is happy with the arrangement it sounds brilliant and very sensible. Tired out parents get a regular break, GM gets time to bond with DGD and DD has someone else in her life who adores her and can look after her.
When DGD has stayed with me she has slept in a travel cot next to
My bed. Her normal
Routine is followed and she gets all my attention and love. She is safe and happy just as OPs DD sounds. What on earth could be wrong with that.

maggienolia · 23/06/2018 11:31

Good on you OP.
I slept at my Nan's quite a few times when I was small. I was also left with assorted great aunts and neighbours, and I have yet to develop any attachment issues at the age of 51.
DD1 was left with her grandparents from about three months when we went out and has also turned out fine.
Enjoy your break.

Booie09 · 23/06/2018 11:43

Some of the posts on here are disgusting!! Given that MIL has brought up a family of her own signals to me that she will be just fine!

SugarIsAmazing · 23/06/2018 11:54

@Nicknacky, nope not once!
Her sisters stay at hers occasionally and will pop to the shop I'd needed.

Nicknacky · 23/06/2018 11:57

sugar Christ, I would have went nuts!

SugarIsAmazing · 23/06/2018 12:01

@Nicknacky it's actually starting to become a slight issue as my partner takes the mickey slightly by saying things like "Jesus Christ, Emily, will you let him breath!" For some reason she thinks if you're not helicoptering you don't care.

DevilsDoorbell · 23/06/2018 12:05

Good for you op. Your first mistake was having a good relationship with your mil! You do realise you’re supposed to detest her

Your second mistake was not realising she is trying to replace you and undermine you!

Seriously, ignore the idiots on here. As long as everyone is happy what’s the harm.

Clubcuts · 23/06/2018 12:26

@SugarIsAmazing she probably thinks that because she's read sone of the ridiculous comments on here! Like why did you bother having a baby because for 16 hours out of every 336 you leave him with MIL!

MemorylikeDory · 23/06/2018 12:27

I can't believe I just read that the OP must be depressed because she lets her 3 month old baby have a sleep over with their grandmother. Hmm

OP if DH thinks to contact MIL then maybe just send a text saying hope DD isn't too grizzly any problems give us a ring. Or let him contact her.

ijustwannadance · 23/06/2018 13:01

Wowsers. This thread is both hilarious and incredibly sad.
Needing a break is no bad thing. My mum comes round to take baby for a walk just because she bloody loves it. I get to clean up or sometimes just eat lunch in peace, or pop the shop.

My DD's are being shared between the GP's this weekend as i'm away. My kids are so lucky to still have 4 GP's who love them and are than capable of looking after them.
Baby is 5 months old.

Yes, my dad will give older DD sweets and she will be up late, but she has so much fun there. They have the time and patience now that they didn't have when busy raising their own kids. My mum looks so happy when holding my baby, even when she's a
grumpy arse.

Babies are sniffly, snuffly and dribbly even when not ill! Mine started teething at 2 months and had 3 teeth through by 4 months! Constant drool.

I'd like to know how all of those who don't leave their kids until they go to school can afford to. Not everyone has a DP who earns enough to support a SAHM.

Some of us actually WANT to go back to work. How evil.

PS, i've already started weaning my baby...........

Nicknacky · 23/06/2018 13:45

sugar Aw no. I don't judge anyone's parenting but that sounds intense for them both. And not healthy.

cricketmum84 · 23/06/2018 13:55

Bloody hell OP what a bunch of drama llamas you have attracted!
To the poster who said OP should speak to her doctor about depression... get a bloody grip! Depression is a serious illness, not to be scoffed at and certainly not characterised by letting grandma look after your baby once every 14 days!!!!!

OP I can see why you would worry that MIL might be offended by you checking but I'm glad she wasn't Smile you are a perfectly normal new mum and I would think it was strange if you weren't checking she was ok.

Refusing to leave your baby's side does not instantly make you a candidate for Mum of the year. Sometimes that break away from them makes you a better parent anyway! I know it did for me. Listen to your gut when it comes to baby sleeping away for the night and you can't go far wrong.