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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect MIL to be able to look after my baby?

339 replies

NickMyLipple · 22/06/2018 22:31

14 week old has been sleeping over at grandma's house every other Friday night for several weeks now. Today when we dropped DD she was a bit snuffly and dribbly and I wondered if she might be starting teething though she's a bit young... maybe she's just under the weather or got a little cold?

Anyway, AIBU to expect MIL to be able to deal with her even if she's a bit poorly and to call us if she is really stuck?

DP thinks I should call and make sure she is okay (his mum, that is!) But I think that's a bit condescending and she should be able to manage and will call us if she can't?

OP posts:
RhinoGirl · 22/06/2018 23:54

Wow. My parents had my DD over night every other friday since she was 5 weeks old, so we could sleep and have time together. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent. I can’t believe some people are so judgemental.

Thatssomebadhatharry · 22/06/2018 23:54

Some nasty twats on this thread. This mummy had a baby a few months ago and is most likely exhausted and sleep deprived and still vunerable. Just cant belive people saying why have the baby. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

dinosaurkisses · 22/06/2018 23:54

I left dd with my parents overnight when she was three weeks old. I was on my knees with tiredness, recovering from a birth injury and teetering on the brink of PND. I might have rushed back to get her at 10am the next day, but that break was the best thing I could have done to ensure that I was the happy, healthy Mum that DD needed.

To hear that other mothers judge that and that I shouldn’t have bothered having her is mind boggling.

IslaBoots · 22/06/2018 23:55

I've had a slating for sending my 14 week old puppy to day care for 10 hours once a week whilst I work.

Both my children stayed with their GP's from 12 weeks old for me to work. Nothing said about that 🤷

Your dd will be fine with her GP's honestly! The mind boggles at those who think she won't Confused

Aeroflotgirl · 22/06/2018 23:55

MrsDelta don't be pathetic. So I guess you won't use childcare, preschool or have your parents or your partners parents help out sometimes. The judgycrespinses get worse as worse! I would hate to be a new mum, who has just had a baby, who is finding it tough, and has her mum to help out sometimes. Who maybe feels like and she cannot cope. This is Mumsnet at its worse. Nasty judgycrespinses and self righteous!

Happypuppy · 22/06/2018 23:55

OP , you may as well have left your baby with wolves. This is MN where MILs must be kept away from the precious baby at all costs! 😂😂😂😂

Yidette86 · 22/06/2018 23:56

Laughing my arse off at the over reactions on this post Hmm

LeahJack · 22/06/2018 23:57

Nope sorry, for me I'm sorry thinking those first 6-12 months are meant to be challenging. Sleepless nights are part of the parenting package. I signed up for it when I got pregnant as did husband.

You do realise nuclear families housed alone are a very recent phenomena don’t you?

When my Grandma had children she breastfed them, but her Mum and sometimes even her Dad would do the shifts when they were just teething or wanted a cuddle or had a tummy ache.

Heck, in some cases where women had no milk a friend or relative might even wetnurse.

For almost the whole of human history children have been bought up in communal homes with several generations and their care was shared. Kids being isolated with their Mum and Dad alone is only really an invention of the past 70 years.

MarmiteAndCheeseRolls · 22/06/2018 23:57

Glad your baby is OK and asleep.
Try and enjoy your night off and get sleep and some Quality time with your DH

My now 12 yr old. Spent 3 nights at my dad's when he was 6 weeks old. For reasons I couldn't help.. He was fine, grandad was fine.. And from then on he stayed semi regular there.. Didn't do anyone any harm.

ChocolatePanda · 22/06/2018 23:58

My MIL would actually look after my sick kids better than I would do. She has way more patience and is more nurturing than me. So I wouldn't hesitate to leave a sick baby with her - she'd be right in her element being needed by a sniffly baby and getting all the extra cuddles that babies want when sick. She would love it because they need that extra loving when sick and that's what MIL is really good at (she's the kind of person who hears you're in bed with a cold and drops by with soup and medication and drops it and runs so you can get bah to bed.

I think it's a lovely thing you're doing to let MIL have baby regularly. MIL will be loving having that baby time and your baby will have such a great relationship with their grandmother.

Can't believe all the people judging. I think having a break once a fortnight is a great way for you and DH to take care of yourselves, which will only make you better parents.

junebirthdaygirl · 22/06/2018 23:58

What about the babies who have night nannies and the dms sleep through the night?
There is no issue with your db staying with mil but a text to check before bedtime would be regular.

MysteryNameChange · 22/06/2018 23:59

WTF threads like this baffle me.

My baby is 16 weeks and I'm back working. Last weekend I went out dancing and got pissed. I've not got PND ffs.

I usually co-sleep and bf, I don't see how that impacts anything, I just don't bring it up all the time to sound smug.

Do people think it's healthy to never be away from your kids? Healthy to be fretting over some snuffles and a bit of dribble?

NeepNeepNeep · 23/06/2018 00:00

This whole thing is amazing. To the martyrs, what do you do when your kids start school? Do you whip yourselves with a wet teatowel as some sort of penance for letting someone else other than you look after your offspring?

Bizarre bizarre bizarre.

Yidette86 · 23/06/2018 00:00

Obviously some perfect little martyrs on here judging by some of the uptight comments.. Some of the responses have been very ott and rather pathetic.. It's scary they are actually mothers criticising another mother with attitudes so narrow minded.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/06/2018 00:01

Those judging op on her mil looking after her baby dd ONCE every 2 weeks, just make themselves look stupid, judgycrespinses and downright unpleasant. Still haven't heard what they think about working parents leaving their baby regularly with childcare, or those who have nannies for their babies. Those who have night nannies shod be ashamed, as this is what they signed up for, so should not have any help ever. Got to tough it out you see, who is the best mother!

Ohmydayslove · 23/06/2018 00:02

Amazed your mil hasn’t got social commitments and fun sttuff to do every other Friday night.

How old is she?

All the grandparents iknow are working full time and having a social life every weekend.

I have my GC one day a week but ever other weekend???nope no way in hell

Budgiegirlbob · 23/06/2018 00:02

You started leaving your baby at ten weeks to have a break. Why bother having a baby at all

Would you say the same about a mother who went back to work when her baby was 10 weeks. Or is it just because it’s overmight? You’d hate me then - I spent a few hours away (working) from my baby when she was 3 weeks old. Does that make me a bad mother? Maybe I shouldn’ have had her at all. Or do the rest of the 12 years I’ve been there for her not count for anything?

There are some horrible comments on this thread. Truly horrible. There’s nothing wrong from having regular short breaks from your children, especially if they are with loving family members. It can help make you a better parent overall if you can destress occasionally. There are no prizes for doing it all yourself.

Ceebs85 · 23/06/2018 00:03

Is there a reason you're sending her away regularly? Are you having to work? I don't understand why you would have this arrangement otherwise or why you wouldn't want to be with baby whilst poorly Sad

Bramble71 · 23/06/2018 00:03

Your hubby made it to adulthood having probably had lots of sniffles. I'm sure your MIL can handle looking after your daughter and would call you if she was concerned.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/06/2018 00:03

When their kids start school, these are the mother's with their massive box of tissues, bawling in the playground, whilst their little darling runs in completely oblivious of the fuss.

NeepNeepNeep · 23/06/2018 00:04

Oh man. Pity the poor teachers.

stopgap · 23/06/2018 00:06

I live overseas, and after my second son was born, I flew my parents over when my baby was four weeks old, and they stayed at my house for nine weeks.

They didn’t get up at night, as I was breastfeeding, but they would absolutely take the baby for a few hours during the day while I slept, and I also went out to dinner with my husband twice a week for the duration of their stay. Marvellous arrangement for all concerned.

LankinMcElf · 23/06/2018 00:07

Read and re read original post and am still none the wiser🤨
Am I right in thinking that you have left a 14 week old baby with a relative (and have been doing so so for weeks) who is clearly unwell and your question to MN is can I call her or just expect her to call me in a crisis?
Sorry if I’ve got it wrong but it seems to me you should have your 14 month old at home with you.

FrayedHem · 23/06/2018 00:08

It's one of those threads where if there is a choice where the mother has some kind of perceived perk (sleep etc) with no sacrifice to her in the process, then she should turn it down. Even though MIL asked to look after her granddaughter and is more than capable of doing so, the OP should have said "no thanks, I signed up for this and I must stay the course". Otherwise she won't get the 100% attendance certificate. Sad

Aeroflotgirl · 23/06/2018 00:09

A cold is hardly a crisis. Don't worry op mil sent her a picture of baby sleeping soundly safe in grannies house.

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