To expect MIL to be able to look after my baby?

[NickMyLipple]

14 week old has been sleeping over at grandma's house every other Friday night for several weeks now. Today when we dropped DD she was a bit snuffly and dribbly and I wondered if she might be starting teething though she's a bit young... maybe she's just under the weather or got a little cold?

Anyway, AIBU to expect MIL to be able to deal with her even if she's a bit poorly and to call us if she is really stuck?

DP thinks I should call and make sure she is okay (his mum, that is!) But I think that's a bit condescending and she should be able to manage and will call us if she can't?

14 weeks is more than 3 months, not a newborn. People can be back at work in that time. Not all children will have a problem with it. Judgey much! I think I’d probably phone and check but I wouldn’t be worried especially if she’s stayed before and been fine. I didn’t think I was that relaxed but I wouldn’t think twice if someone’s 3 month old stayed over at granny’s.

Kath.... she says not.

Ridiculous and such a shame for that baby

Not a reverse and she's 14 weeks.

MIL loves having her, she seems to really enjoy going and we have the occasional 'night off'. It was their idea, not ours, but it works for us.

My baby isn't deathly ill or anything, just seemed a bit snuffly; I was more than happy to leave her (and I absolutely wouldn't have left her if I really thought she was ill!)

I just thought I would see what the consensus was on expecting MIL being capable to look after a slightly snuffly baby... I wasn't expecting to be shot down for letting DD have a sleepover!

14 weeks who has been staying away for a few weeks now? So you sent her away for a night on her own at 10 weeks? She is poorly and you don’t want to know how she is? Very strange. She is tiny. I have my 5 month old snoozing next to me, I can’t imagine him staying overnight somewhere poorly, never mind if he was unwell!

What a load of judgy pants people on this thread.

For goodness sake! Some people are completely overreacting here. The baby is at her grandmother's house every second Friday. The OP's not leaving her on the side of the road to fend for herself. Plenty of babies are left in childcare from about 12 weeks.
My friend has taken her niece every Sunday since she was a few weeks old. She's 2 now and absolutely loves going to 'Auntie Fifi's' on a Sunday.

OP, I'm sure your lo is in good hands with her gran, but give her a call if you need a bit of reassurance.

So many over the top responses. What a load of rubbish saying baby shouldn’t be with grandma.

besides all the stuff about the newborn and sleepovers etc.

why on earth doesn't the baby's father just pick up the phone to his own mother and ask how his own child is doing? Or even go over and see.
Or even go over and collect his child. That is weird that he expects you to make the call.

What ridiculous responses!!!!

She's with her GRANDMA!! Her grandma who surely loves and dotes on her. It's not like she's just left her with a stranger!!!

OP - just call to check how she's doing and if you have doubts pick her up.

What's this reverse thing people are talking about?

Being away from your newborn

14 weeks is not newborn.

But thanks for telling mothers who have to return to work soon after the birth or who have extended family arrangements that they are not normal for being away from their "newborn".

People do things differently. In some families extended family care is normal practice.

My DM would have laughed at the idea that shouldn't couldn't manage a snuffly 14 week old baby - OP is asking if it seems condescending.

OP I would say nothing wrong with calling but say its for your benefit not because you don't think she can care for a baby.

If its a reverse - same advice. A call to the parent to reassure them is nice but its for their benefit not yours.

I think MIL would be fine.

I don’t think everyone is being judgey on this thread, I just think it’s very unusual for someone to palm their child off every other week for a sleep over at grandmas every other week at such a young age.

My twins have only had a sleep over once and they are 11 months. The sleep over was because we were at a wedding so not just to catch up on sleep.

It’s great if you have that support around you, but it’s just most people couldn’t bear to be aware from their infant until much later

I personally wouldn't let anyone have my baby overnight at 14 weeks whether they were poorly or not. They are still so young and need the security and bonding time with their mummy. Every week is a bit much on your il's and on your poor baby.

you sent her away for a night on her own at 10 weeks?

Eh, no. She's not on her own, she's with her granny...

I've a 14 week old, she is also snuffly and dribbly today but she isn't unwell. I get you, I doubt you'd have sent her if she was.

Mine's BF so no sleepovers away from me right now. But can't honestly see what people are getting so worked up about? Of course your dp should call though if it's on his mind.

What is a reverse?

Every other Friday isn't an occasional night off, it's expecting your mil to do regular childcare for you. My baby is 11 months old and she's never stayed overnight with anyone, it's my child and I look after her. Especially if she's ill. I know I'm a judgey pants, but I'm just not one of those mums that needs my own time regularly, I gave that up when I had her and I'm fine with it. Don't get me wrong, me and my partner go out for dinner or lunch sometimes but definitely not overnight stay or regular childcare so we can go out.

Your mil is perfectly capable - yanbu. And yes, your DP can call himself if he's worried - why on earth would you be a go-between to his own mother?

The first thing that I thought when I read your post was can your DP not call his own mother to see how his child is ?

I probably wouldn't have left my child with anyone at 14 weeks, whether ill or not but saying that I am sure your MIL is more than capable of looking after her.

Am I reading it wrong? It reads to me the OP's DD goes to stay overnight every other Friday. So 1 night a fortnight? Mine didn't go for sleepovers at that age, but I'm not seeing the big deal. The baby is with her grandmother.