To expect MIL to be able to look after my baby?

[NickMyLipple]

14 week old has been sleeping over at grandma's house every other Friday night for several weeks now. Today when we dropped DD she was a bit snuffly and dribbly and I wondered if she might be starting teething though she's a bit young... maybe she's just under the weather or got a little cold?

Anyway, AIBU to expect MIL to be able to deal with her even if she's a bit poorly and to call us if she is really stuck?

DP thinks I should call and make sure she is okay (his mum, that is!) But I think that's a bit condescending and she should be able to manage and will call us if she can't?

I think it's always fine to call to see if your kid is ok if you want to so if your DP wants to them they should go ahead.

Hope it all went well OP. Your MIL sounds lovely.

Jesus Christ. I can't believe the idiots having a go at you OP. There's nothing wrong with a baby being looked after by a loving relative one night a fortnight. Sounds like your DD has great grandparents, with your MIL lucky enough to be able to build a wonderful close bond with her from a young age.

IF your DH thinks she would appreciate a call, it would probably have been a good idea for him to call her. But YANBU to think that a woman who has had her own children and wants to care for a new baby for a night is perfectly capable of managing a sniffly 14 week old without being checked up on.

There’s nothing wrong per se.

But it certainly baffles me and many other players that just can’t relate to being able to or indeed wanting to do this.

There’s nothing wrong per se with lots of things in life. But it doesn’t mean that we couldn’t do and be fairly impassioned in our views about it

“Players” should read “posters”

Which would be fine for yourself Carribean but giving someone else a hard time because of it is a bit vile.

Baby is 3 months old everyone - chill. If someone came on here and said ‘I’m desperate for some sleep and my MIL has offered to take the baby one night every couple of weeks, should I do it?’ You’d all say yes

This is very upsetting how judgy people are. I had to go back to work full time when DD was 16 weeks so to weeks older and judging by this thread people must have thought I was a horrendous mother.

The type of mothers who really piss me off are the ego mothers who think they are the only people who can look after their child. & competitive sacrifice is blooming tedious.

Op sounds like a perfectly healthy dynamic to me but in answer to your original question - your husband should ask his mum if it is still okay to have her if she is snuffly as it is polite. No reason he can’t blooming call though.

I appreciate the op might not come back at this point but i want to say i think she is doing the right thing. So many people i know split/argue like mad once the children arrive. It is easy to forget who you are and lose your identity.

I had my first night out in over 9months last weekend leaving my 4yo and my 5mo (with my dm) . It has done wonders for my relationship with dh. If we could do it once a fortnight i would!

Those of you bashing the mums who don’t want to leave their children for a night are just as bad as those bashing those who wish to or need to

This.

I didn't leave any of mine overnight at under a year old. I also wouldn't/didn't put any of them in childcare under a year.

It's resulted in confident, securely bonded dc who are happy to go anywhere and do anything now...not snivelling little wimps still hanging off my apron strings at ten like some people suggest

I'm not a martyr but for me, that first year is massively important to the long term attachment and security of the child, so I choose to not leave them.

As for those insisting leaving your baby early is 'good' and beneficial so they get used to being left and develop other bonds...you do realise you're talking bollocks don't you? No x month old baby needs to be away from their primary career/s at all and whilst nights away are probably not going to scar them for life, no, it's not beneficial or necessary for them either.

I'm not a martyr but for me, that first year is massively important to the long term attachment and security of the child, so I choose to not leave them.

Not a martyr, just nasty to other mothers who manage the same outcomes in different ways.

Wow this threads like falling into the twilight zone!
It’s worth noting that these bizarre responses berating the op for leaving the baby occasionally occurred overnight, now it’s day time these weirdos will have crawled back wherever they came from and i hope more normal posters will be around to tell op that what she and her husband are doing is perfectly normal, healthy and that mil is most certainly more than capable of carrying for a snuffly baby and will call if she needs them

My sister had a heart attach when her second DC was only a few weeks old. Her DH spent his time back and forward to the hospital, looking after their older DC and trying to spend time with new DC.

Both her Mum and MIL had the baby overnight regularly to help everyone out. DC is now three and very well adjusted with no issues whatsoever.

OP enjoy your sleep!

My baby first went to his childminder at about 16 weeks for a full day. A stranger effectively to me. Of course it’s fine for a baby to go to it’s loving grandmother overnight at that age.

My little one has just turned 18 months and is going to be having first ever night away from me next week due to a wedding.

I’m stupidly anxious about it and I think I’ll find it very difficult, he might too. And even I can’t see what all the fuss is about on this thread!

If all parties are comfortable with the situation, what’s the problem? It’s not every other day and baby’s often have runny noses with no other symptoms, they can pick up any little bug at that age, doesn’t mean they’re going to be horribly ill with it.

Don’t let any of the horrible comments get you down op, you’re not a bad mum and enjoy your night of rest every other Friday

I’d have given her a call, just to be polite and double check all’s ok. Although I’d have probably checked in even if baby wasn’t snuffly, even just a text. But that’s just me!

@MyDcAreMarvel do you actually mean that? You sound bloody ridiculous!

So if the OP left baby with MIL during the day that's fine? So of the 14 hours that she's with MIL possibly 9 are spent sleeping?

But it's outrageous to leave a baby OVERNIGHT WHEN ITS MOSTLY SLEEPING!

No you judgy people you're not better mothers, you mostly sound like you are proving your self worth at "I'm so wonderful no one can look after MY baby as well as I do" well catch on the baby is fine with grandma! X

@Flatearthersphere actually you sound "not normal"!

@MrsDeltaB what made your wedding anniversary so special you abandoned your child for the night? I bet you left the third one overnight a lot sooner than the others? Poor little thing will need counselling when she's older for sure!

How is mum selfish for some respite from looking after baby, especially if available. More so why is responsibility of the 'sick' baby the mother's responsibility and not fathers or grans. Very judgemental-attitudes

It's beyond idiotic to accuse the OP of not wanting her baby because she spends one night a fortnight with a grandparent.

@Thewheelshavefallenoffthebus

"A newborn should be with mum, especially an ill newborn"

No, not necessarily mum but with a loving and caring member of family. Grandma is regular carer not a stranger

Op, yanbu. Mil should be fine and, probably will be fine with a stiffly baby. I wish I had the same option, am facing a very long day today after several nights of not much sleep, older dc who have been up since 4 and a baby that will not settle. Just take the opportunity to have a bit of time to yourself.

I'm not a martyr but for me, that first year is massively important to the long term attachment and security of the child, so I choose to not leave them

Not a martyr, just nasty to other mothers who manage the same outcomes in different ways

Er, are you confusing me with someone else Boom? How exactly am I 'nasty to other mothers'?