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AIBU?

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Original poster

To steer DH away from this woman?

173 replies

Incywincyquincy · 22/06/2018 17:01

So dh became facebook friends with a woman from school whose child is in dd's class. All innocent - I know her too and chat regularly. However, he seems to have a bit of a crush on her and I think she's noticed. It is noticeable that every picture she posts and every question she asks, he responds to instantly. Some might say he is being helpful, but she has started to notice and has mentioned in a jokey way that she feels a bit awkward about it.

How do I gently steer him away from doing this without embarrassing him or telling him what she has said?

OP posts:
notanurse2017 · 22/06/2018 17:02

You need to tell him very clearly to stop bothering her.

fiorentina · 22/06/2018 17:03

Why not just tell him directly, he’s clearly embarrassing her and you, just tell him it’s not acceptable

DriftwoodFascinator · 22/06/2018 17:04

Don't be gentle. He's being a pest.

AnonyMousee · 22/06/2018 17:04

i would just straight up ask him, not in a crazy way, but just a casual conversation. You dont sound unreasonable (and that you do it every time a woman enters his life) so just make him aware it is slightly hurtful to see him constantly responding to her, and mention that she even made a comment to you initially that made you have these doubts... so it doesnt sound like you are the only person seeing this!

good luck x

Pengggwn · 22/06/2018 17:05

He has already embarrassed himself. Just tell him.

UndomesticHousewife · 22/06/2018 17:06

You need to tell him quite straight that not only is he embarrassing himself by also he's embarrassing you.
I wouldn't be telling my dh gently I'd be mortified.

Storm4star · 22/06/2018 17:06

I agree with notanurse.

Why are you trying to be gentle when what you're essentially saying to us is that your H is drooling over a woman you both know in front of your face! And making her feel uncomfortable! Strong words are needed, not a gentle steer!

FuckPants · 22/06/2018 17:07

Don't be gentle, you need to tell him that his behaviour is not on and to fucking stop it before he causes further embarrassment.

DartmoorDoughnut · 22/06/2018 17:08

If she feels awkward enough to mention something then you have to be blunt about it to your DH

Original poster
Incywincyquincy · 22/06/2018 17:09

He would be mortified if I told him she said anything and he would deny anything or think I was being dramatic if I said I noticed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Incywincyquincy · 22/06/2018 17:10

Also, I've made a joke of it before and it caused a massive argument. I just want a gentle way to hint to him to stop.

OP posts:
Storm4star · 22/06/2018 17:10

So it's ok for this woman to feel uncomfortable about it but not ok for him to be mortified? Sorry OP, I don't know why you're protecting him like this.

kaytee87 · 22/06/2018 17:11

Why do you care if he's mortified? The woman is obviously feeling bothered by it to mention it to you (which I'm sure was mortifying for her), so he needs to stop.

Storm4star · 22/06/2018 17:11

But if the joke caused a huge argument before then gentle hints will get you nowhere. He'll just ignore the hints.

RomeoBunny · 22/06/2018 17:12

Make him mortified. Stop being a wuss.

TwoGinScentedTears · 22/06/2018 17:12

He's big enough to drool over this woman, he's big enough to be told it's embarrassing, immature and dickish.

RatherBeRiding · 22/06/2018 17:12

I think his potential feelings of mortification aren't as important as the other woman's feelings of awkwardness. At this rate she will feel she has to block him, and that really could be awkward at the school gates!

Just tell him before it gets worse - he'll just have to deal with the mortification!

Storm4star · 22/06/2018 17:13

she has started to notice and has mentioned in a jokey way that she feels a bit awkward about it

Sorry but this woman thinks your husband is a sleaze but because she likes you she's being gentle and tactful in the way she says it.

Willow2017 · 22/06/2018 17:15

He is making Her uncomfortable.
There is no easy way to tell him if he doesnt see this or refuses to discuss it.
Tell him straight to stop making a fool out of himself and stop harassing her. She doesnt want his attention thats all he needs to know. Its not up to him to decide if his behaviour is acceptable or not, its up to her.

AmazingPostVoices · 22/06/2018 17:16

He would be mortified if I told him she said anything

That’s fine.

She’s asked for your help because your DH is making her uncomfortable.

It’s fine if he’s embarrassed, he should be.

Don’t make jokes. He needs to know how she feels.

BTW if it’s got to the stage where she’s been moved to speak to his wife about it I can guarantee that she’s spoken to other people about it first.

So choose, embarrassed in private by a direct conversation with his wife or embarrassed by being the talk of the school gate and ruining his reputation.

Tell him

Returnofthesmileybar · 22/06/2018 17:16

How can he say you are being dramatic? The woman told you!! Honestly it must be bad that the has told you, the woman is clearly really uncomfortable, it needs to stop now

kaytee87 · 22/06/2018 17:17

I agree with pp that the woman is only being jokey to save your feelings / her embarrassment. For her to say something to you means she feels harassed and thinks he's sleazy. I'd be tempted to check if he'd been sending her private messages too.

SoddingUnicorns · 22/06/2018 17:17

How do I gently steer him away from doing this without embarrassing him or telling him what she has said?

You don’t. You tell him straight, he’s making her feel uncomfortable and to stop it. Immediately. Why are you more concerned about your DHs feelings when he is fawning all over another woman, making her feel uncomfortable and disrespectful of your marriage?

He needs telling, bluntly.

fiorentina · 22/06/2018 17:17

Don’t joke, don’t hint. Tell him he’s embarrassing and is being inappropriate. If he was like this with a colleague he’d soon find himself with an HR issue, he needs to know it isn’t ok.

LoveInTokyo · 22/06/2018 17:17

He doesn't need a gentle hint, he needs to you tell it to him straight.

"You are pestering this woman and you need to stop. She has told me that you are making her feel uncomfortable. You're making a fool out of me and a tit out of yourself."