To steer DH away from this woman?

[Incywincyquincy]

So dh became facebook friends with a woman from school whose child is in dd's class. All innocent - I know her too and chat regularly. However, he seems to have a bit of a crush on her and I think she's noticed. It is noticeable that every picture she posts and every question she asks, he responds to instantly. Some might say he is being helpful, but she has started to notice and has mentioned in a jokey way that she feels a bit awkward about it.

How do I gently steer him away from doing this without embarrassing him or telling him what she has said?

duckies Yes, I just want it to stop

Oh FFS.

I'd have an issue with that. He's making a tit of himself. I'd happily just have a massive row too!

Was going to apologise for derailing the thread, but I think it's just run off the lines anyway.

Just wanted to say thank you AF, you gave me the confidence to leave an abusive relationship over four years ago. The advice and the support you give really does change lives and I'll always be grateful.

Incy you would have had considerably more useful advice if you had posted honestly from the beginning.

Sit down with your DH, when you are both calm and have time to speak and discuss this with him.

You need to stay calm. Point out the behaviour you are uncomfortable with. Explain that you feel humiliated by it and ask him to stop. Ask him to think about how he would feel if the situations were reversed.

If he isn’t prepared to stop then you need to decide what to do next.

We only know what you’ve told us so we can’t judge whether you are indeed overreacting or in fact have a valid point.

I have never said this on Mumsnet before but Op you have been really stupid in the way you have changed the situation here.

I don’t understand the reaction to the truth here. Op still has a nasty husband who she treads on egg shells around. She cannot be honest with him about her feelings for fear of an argument. This may not be a highly abusive situation but the guy sounds like an arse hole and op could probably benefit from the excellent relationship advice posters.

Get some professional help with your mental health if you want your marriage to have some kind of future - you can't be happy if you're feeling the need to have this level of control over your husband's life.

Why are you asking how not to make him feel bad? He is disrespecting you by fawning over another woman. I would tell him straight .

OP appears to have said that the woman didn't actually approach her about this, he made that up - that it's OP's own problem that she is upset by this.

I'm sure OP will clarify this if I my understanding is mistaken.

Sorry, that should read that OP made it up about the woman approaching her.
Apologies for adding to the confusion.

How do I gently steer him away from doing this without embarrassing him or telling him what she has said?

Poor yourself a cold glass of water, not sit in front of a mirror and ask yourself, really? Is this who I am. I am more worried about DH being embarrassed during a conversation between me and him than the fact that his 'almost stalker' like behavior has left a neighbor/parent at dd school/woman feeling awkward that he has a thing for her.

Omg. OP wake up and have some respect for you and your dd. You need to pout out and educate your DH that he is behaving like and arse.

Suggestion:
Sweetie, you know xxxx (name of woman), well did out know that I see her quite regularly as her kid goes to our sweet dd's school.......Anyway darling, you know how some people are just that little bit too eager to show they agree or that they notice and too keen to be your cheerleader that it gets kind of weird like creepy stalker sh$t. Oh you don't, well guess what knucklehead, that's you.
What where you thinking or should I ask with what head where you thinking before going and liking and commenting on every statement or picture that she posts.
You behaving like a prick and I am ashamed you you and you should be equally ashamed of yourself.
How do you think it makes me look and feel when she casually drops in in conversation at how you always like her poss or comment on her statuses within minutes, trying to hint that it's weird and creepy. And how do you think this would impact our daughter if it goes any further and becomes neighborhood chitchat.

So listen up, you will not raise suspicion by unfriending her but you will unfollow her, you will not ever like or comment on her pictures or statements again and you will act and behave as if this never happened in regards to everyone else.
In regards to me, you have some serious trust building to do otherwise I will be reevaluating our marriage.

For every abused woman there is a fucking timewaster like this one

This.

I don't think anyone can comment intelligently here, as none of us know the context. There Is nothing to assume her husband is nasty, it is very likely she's just jealous and the reason it caused a massive row before is because she has a history of it.

Who the fuck knows. Why post a lie on mumsnet and ask for advice based on that lie. It's ridiculous.

Ok, while I think OP was v foolish and shortsighted to make up a woman's reaction, I don't think this means her feelings aren't valid. Wanting her husband not to constantly respond to another mum's post doesn't make her jealous. I'm sure many of us would feel the same. She feels his public behaviour is diminishing her, and she's right.

OP, address it with your husband.

Is he generally good at understanding social subtleties? The reason I ask, is that responding promptly to something someone posts for people to react to, is not obviously wildly inappropriate. O get that people don't, and that to you it feels as if he's too keen, but he may not realise the significance of this.
You still need to talk to him if it makes you feel bad, but be aware that, unless his comments on her posts are inappropriate, responding to a public post is unlikely to be considered 'abuse', or him being 'a pest' as some have said on here, by anyone but those posters.

Op, if you search online you should be able to find some useful resources on how to discuss sensitive topics in a relationship without immediately getting into an argument. I find that sometimes a direct approach without too many explanations is best.

@TheSquatLobster

No worries. Thanks for your comment and I am glad I was of some small assistance in your situation.

I just saw red for a moment. The op deliberately led posters up the garden path. Knowingly giving the minimum of dramatic updates and sitting back while respondents give advice on a false premise

The definition of a troll, IMO. Like those "reverse" threads. Disingenuous and manipulative.

The OP has deliberately led posters to believe that she is in an abusive situation, that she may not even be safe, while lying in order to gain sympathy for her own controlling behaviour

This. I’ve escaped abuse and shit like this enrages me.

Did the "expert in human behaviour" know the OP was lying?

Like those "reverse" threads.
I thought it was a reverse, that it was the FB woman.

Did the "expert in human behaviour" know the OP was lying? 😁

Did the "expert in human behaviour" know the OP was lying?

Apparantly not..🤣

Did the "expert in human behaviour" know the OP was lying?

Turns out they are not as 'expert' as they thought they were, what a surprise! 😀