To steer DH away from this woman?

[Incywincyquincy]

So dh became facebook friends with a woman from school whose child is in dd's class. All innocent - I know her too and chat regularly. However, he seems to have a bit of a crush on her and I think she's noticed. It is noticeable that every picture she posts and every question she asks, he responds to instantly. Some might say he is being helpful, but she has started to notice and has mentioned in a jokey way that she feels a bit awkward about it.

How do I gently steer him away from doing this without embarrassing him or telling him what she has said?

To those saying for her to unfriend him, is this not just pushing the problem further down the line?

It'll only happen again if not tackled surely?

I'm an expert in human behaviour and rarely wrong. She has an ulterior motive. She's his friend, not OP's

@Whatshallidonowpeople

She's mentioned it to ensure you know either to rub your face in it or to cause trouble between you. It's not up to you to tell him, let her do it.

I don't know how you arrived at that. She's being as tactful as possible, but wants it to stop without having to turn nasty about it.

If the FB woman unfriends him at op's request and he finds out it could be dangerous for op

If you are in physical danger then don't try to fix this. Phone Women's Aid or similar and get help to get out.

I agree you shouldn't feel unable to call him out. However if you want a story, tell him that she's asked you to ask him to stop as her new partner is querying the comments and she wants her new relationship to go well.

I'm an expert in human behaviour and rarely wrong.

Listen to AnyFucker - and please post in Relationships here for advice and support.

I guarantee there's more to it. It would be much simpler to mention to him or unfriend him or just ignore him. If he is making her as uncomfortable as she is making out why is she still friends with him?

The thing is, OP needs to tackle the here and now issue.

Yes, there's clearly a huge wider issue that she is living in fear. But she has to do something about the current situation, that keeps her safe but that stops her H from bothering this other woman.

I really do hope that OP uses what's happened here, and the advice she's been given, to have a really good think about whether she really wants to live like this forever.

You don't have to believe me, it's no matter to me, but I'm right.

Op is something wrong at home? Is he violent or abusive? Are you scared of his reaction?

To put it into context if this was my husband the conversation would go like this"

"Oi, what's wrong with you , fucking leave Jolene alone, she says you're making her fell awkward, so stop being a total and utter twat".

Wanting to do it gently, not embarrass him or tell him indicates there is a problem here. You're anonymous if you wish to talk about it on here and need help.

@Whatshallidonowpeople

Well maybe because this other woman has a little more sensitivity than you clearly have! And she wanted to resolve it in a nice way. If you're an "expert" in human behaviour then I'm Santa Claus! You're talking absolute rubbish.

Hinting, steering away or stories won't help with this.
Lay the blame firmly at fb lady's door, say she has told you he's making her uncomfortable so it would be better for all of you if he dropped her as a friend as it's embarrassing all round. That's the truth isn't it?

But she has to do something about the current situation, that keeps her safe but that stops her H from bothering this other woman

If she is scared of him, this is the last thing she should be doing. Provoking him could be a bad idea. If he’s as bad as he’s appearing on this thread, friend should block him. Leave OP out of it.

Well that was exactly my suggestion a page or two ago!

He sounds like a dickhead, more so because you're too afraid to tell him.

You know what, had a think about this...
Your friend did not need to say anything - she could have unfriended/blocked

You are the gun - she has loaded you and now she wants you to fire it.

Do nothing. Ignore it. Laugh at her joey comments say, "well, you could unfriend him or block him - reckon you must enjoy it" in a jokey way of course....

Hmm

Are you going to elaborate, op ?

I'm an expert in human behaviour and rarely wrong. She has an ulterior motive. She's his friend, not OP's

Fuckadoodledo! Thats the best thing I have read on MN today!

Did you miss the bit about her being Ops friend too? Maybe she didnt want to 'unfriend him' and make it awkward between them all. You know like a person who considers others feelings? Maybe you missed that part of the human condition in your 'Expert' training course?

I think whatshallidonow is onto something

I guarantee there's more to it. It would be much simpler to mention to him or unfriend him or just ignore him. If he is making her as uncomfortable as she is making out why is she still friends with him?

@Whatshallidonowpeople are you serious?!? This bloke is clearly a dick, his wife's scared of him and he's making a friend of hers uncomfortable! So you blame the friend, oh yes naughty naughty attractive woman being and not blocking the poor little man who's gone all giggly over her posts and pictures!

What with that and I'm rarely wrong about people!

Are you man in question?

If the woman is so uncomfortable with his comments, she could always block him.. mustn't bother her that much

I'm not getting the problem unless she is being made to feel uncomfortable in real life. Is he posting sexual stuff or just quick to post normal comments? Not sure why this woman doesn't just block him, no need to embarrass you by suggesting she is so much more attractive to you!