...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?

[Legbreak]

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

Several of my friends are primary school teachers. They laugh at parties about their inner wishes to smack children's heads together. I am mostly just filled with admiration that they don't actually do it tbh. Kids are bastards I have two of my own and was once one myself so I'd know!

JJS888

Your post is so OTT and has no bearing on the ops post if it wasn’t so early in the day I would think you were drunk

i did it tonight to my 9 year olds back as he was walking outside, my husband just about spit his drink out trying not to laugh... ( mr 9 didnt see so dont panic) also was done after trying to explain xyz for the 19th time and getting told i was wrong in the end it was what ever fine go out side in the dark and cold ( it was after 5pm here and temps dropping rapidly etc) and play soccer .... him walking to the door and my finger going up! and i think i would do it again

When I was first teaching, it was common for some teachers to call children names (thickos, and worse) behind backs and laugh about it. I hated it then and I hate it now. It indicates complete lack of respect.

When mine are pissing me off I mutter under my breath "I love my children, I love my children" so I don't freak out so I can totally understand the finger thing😂😂

A friend of mine who didn’t have children once told me in tones of incredulity that she had read (god knows where - maybe on here) that something like 70% of parents do this behind their children’s back. I had a completely unmerited reputation in this group as being a model parent so I think she expected me to be horrified. She was shocked when I laughed and said ‘Hell yes, all the time!’ Sometimes you need an outlet.

At best you are stupid and at worst you are abusive. Now fuck off back to Twitter worshipping Katie Hopkins and commenting on the Daily Mail.

I hope you're not still working in a care type environment with your anger issues.

You need to chill......

I don't do that, but I do mutter 'fuck off' under my breath on a fairly regular basis!

Usually I find MN mum's a bit precious but this is disgusting and abusive. Anyone who thinks that's ok should replace a gesture with a word or action.

I do words as well (but silently), good god, are you wanting me to say them out loud in front of them? I don't think actually screaming Fuck You to my teenagers is appropriate and that would be abusive!

I also do an action. As I am giving the finger with both hands and silently screaming Fuck You, I make a wilting action with my body. It's absolutely interpretive of how I feel in that instant.

So, given I have a trifecta of gesture, words and action, do I get a prize?

Would you be fine if they did it behind your back?

One day when mine have turned from teenage dicks into normal human beings, I fully intend to tell them what I did to maintain my sanity in those particularly trying instances. I am anticipating they will laugh and say something along the lines of that's so funny, it's what I was doing to you too!

Certain teenagers and toddlers will try you to the limits of human endurance in regards to keeping your shit together (or outwardly appearing to). Some people don't keep it together and do absolutely horrendous things to their children - that's abuse. If a gesture behind their back diffuses the situation and prevents escalation to something that is abuse then its purpose is served.

Some people either don't have toddlers or teenagers that act as the devil incarnate at times or are absolute saints. Good for you, the parent of the century medal is all yours, grab it with both hands. The rest of us are human.

Several of my friends are primary school teachers. They laugh at parties about their inner wishes to smack children's heads together.

Exactly.

Some people on here would be horrified to hear how we refer to the "little angels" we work with as volunteers when they're out of sight & hearing.....

This thread is making me laugh so much. I do the secret Vs at my children, my mum, my sister, my DH, anyone that frustrates me really. And presumably they are all doing something similar to me. A never ending circle of unseen V flicks travelling silently through generations.

I think a muttered FFS under your breath is just generally showing frustration. Flicking Vs at a toddler is like saying "fuck you", which I think is a bit much when we're talking about a 2 year old who is just doing normal 2 year old things.

I'm far from a perfect parent and probably do loads of things the v flickers wouldn't but I think it's sad to disrespect such a small child like that.

I know for a fact both my DC (4 and 6) pull grumpy faces, give me cross looks or even mutter at my behind my back when they’re annoyed at me. I’d say it’s 100% normal and also good that they can get that out and then we can interact on a calm and productive level. I’m allowed to be annoyed at them, and they’re allowed to be annoyed at me, but we all have a duty to minimise how much we take it out on each otherz

JJS888's comment didn't read to me like she's 'drunk' - it read like she's witnessed some horrific abuse of vulnerable people and still finds it, understandably, upsetting and this is probably triggering.

I do this occasionally! I flip my son the bird when he's not looking, when he is I stick my tongue out! Usually cos he's doing my head in! He laughs, I laugh, the tension is broken, everyones happy!

I think if the intention is mean, its not very nice but my intention is to release frustration without shouting. I do mutter swear words under my breath too!

To be fair, my family wind each other up and tease and have a laugh, so I'm used to it. DS has never seen us do it, we blow raspberries with him.
Everyone has different ways of coping, and different tolerances!

Legbreak
She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

lol regular in my house

Would you want anyone else to do this to your child? Your friends, relatives, their carers or teachers?
It's disrespectful at least and many would consider it abusive behaviour. There are other ways of dealing with these situations.
Find other ways of venting your frustration or wait until you are mature enough to be decent parents.

Beware they'll be doing it to you when you are old and incapable.

I think it's horrible.

We all get frustrated.

But I think physically acting it out is not great tbh. It’s an aggressive gesture and you’re aiming it a toddler?

Find another means of venting that’s not directed at the toddler.

If a poster posted here that she’d had a row with her dh about something, turned her back for a second for something and when she turned around he had been doing this behind her back what would you advise her to do? To laugh it off? To suggest that it was better than him slapping her out of frustration? Or would the oh-it’s-so-hilarious-to-give-the-finger-to-the-kids posters possibly be telling her that it was disrespectful and to ltb? I can bet I know what the responses would be, and they wouldn’t be to suggest that it was funny.

While I don’t think it’s abusive as the child doesn’t know, it is bloody disrespectful. And if that makes me sanctimonious then so be it.

Lol mine are all grown up and we all do it to each other in jest from time to time.

I do weep for some people’s lack of sense of proportion and humour.

Life must be so so cloudy and serious for you and your children

Obvs not drunk. Sitting in on call centre with time on my hands. I am surprised that the same bunch of people who think beans on toast is not an acceptable meal, or those who push offence taking to a whole new level in terms of race, body type etc, think this is funny. Not just a reaction but actually funny. I find that a bit sad.

Probably the same people who think its hilarious to watch children having accidents on video- falling off trampolines, walking into plate glass doors etc.

The thing is we do this as a running joke in our house to each other. DP and I do it o each other's faces. It kind of diffuses disagreements a lot, I'd rather that than have an argument. As for kids if it's behind their back I do see a problem, it's kind of venting you frustrations in a non verbal, no aggressive and afterwards you can probably acknowledge yourself how ridiculous it is if taken literally. I think putting unrealistic expectations on parents to be perfect, balanced, unaffected by the sometimes constant barrage of crap that comes from the little person you care for 24/7 and not allowing them an outlet for one second is more damaging tbh.

@Loonoon yup, thats my family too! Mum does a wee dance when she does it too!!