...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?

[Legbreak]

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

Smile, the OP is swearing at a toddler in order to make herself feel better.

Your sense of how other adults might perceive being sworn at is completely irrelevant in this circumstance.

no

And yet human communication is nuanced, very much so. It’s rarely black and white - the same words can mean different things depending on tone, body language and the relationship between the people communicating.

But if you want to ignore that, it’s your choice, of course.

illustriously, you might want to have a think about what you're saying.

Do you really, honestly think that people who don't think it's funny to swear at toddlers are 'cunts'?

Can you see how such aggressive, sweary, unpleasant responses makes you seem aggressive, sweary and unpleasant and not only does nothing to defend swearing at toddlers but actually confirms that that is just nasty, inarticulate behaviour?

I called my ten year old a “dick” because he waited outside the bathroom to jump out and frighten me and was then laughing so much he made a mess drinking his milk. He was highly amused. It’s all about context, your toddler can’t see you, my son isn’t daft enough to repeat it in school.

And actually I'm going to report it. You should perhaps take some classes in how to communicate without being vile.

Your sense of how other adults might perceive being sworn at is completely irrelevant in this circumstance

Um. I was responding to User who is, I’m assuming, an adult?

Smile, if you honestly think it makes it sound better to justify swearing at a toddler to make yourself feel better by using the word 'nuance' go right ahead. Don't think there will be many people who buy that except the people who justify the idea of swearing at toddlers by swearing at everybody else too.

You're not swearing at someone if you're not doing it to their face!

But Smile, the swearing was at a toddler, so how other an unusual who is hyperalert to 'nuances' is not really relevant is it?

ADULT that would say. The thread is about swearing at toddlers. Toddlers don't really do nuances.

honestly, can you find no way of dealing with life's frustrations than to swear at your kid?
I have a 3 yo, he is crazy and irrational and drives me soft. He likes emptying sodding boxes of toys all over the floor just to make a mess. but if i'm at the point where my only coping strategy is wearing at him, i'd have to wonder what i needed to change.

no

So you don’t like people swearing and you don’t like me using the word nuance.

Your intransigence is kinda admirable but I think you miss lots in life by refusing to consider other people’s thoughts.

Wearing at him?
Nobody is swearing at a toddler.

Exactly, Sleeping, but then some people can only seem to communicate through swearing at anybody who disagrees with them. It suggests a poverty of language and argument and a total lack of self-control.

Are you a bot staples?!

Toddlers don't really do nuances

No, and the toddler remains unaware. The nuance (you see, now you’ve made me say it so much it sounds weird) is in the intent of the v flicking. Your think the intent is an aggressive “fuck off”, to me it’s more of a 🙄

Smile, I am happy to consider other people's thoughts. There is nothing anybody has said here that has made me think it would be OK to swear at a toddler and that this may be an example of good parenting after all.

The fact that people justify such behaviour by using aggressive and sweary language does naturally have the effect of confirming my opinions. Being sweary and aggressive or passive aggressive is poor parenting and poor communication.

well sticking your fingers up at him is swearing at him surely. the fact he isn't looking isn't really the point.
if in 10 years he did it to you behind your back and you caught him or someone told you would you say ah well it's fine because it wasn't to my face? that sure as hell won't wash in our house!

You're not swearing at someone if you're not doing it to their face!

What are you doing then?

I have never seen anyone giving me the v or finger behind my back

That’s the point along with muttering under your breath a gusture behind someone’s back isn’t for them to see (or hear) to be shocked or upset or hurt it’s just a release of frustration from the other person for their benefit

Your think the intent is an aggressive “fuck off”, to me it’s more of a 🙄

Would you do it in public? When picking your child up from school? At playgroup or rhyme time? If not, then you know exactly how others perceive it.

no

Except you aren’t listening. I perceive the gesture differently to you. I am not judging you for your perception.
Are you saying that my perception is wrong?

'You're not swearing at someone if you're not doing it to their face! '

Are you serious?

As others have said most normal people would be devastated if they saw a loved one doing this behind their back.

As a teacher, I would take it very seriously if I caught a kid doing this.

You need to think about your child's reaction if they turned round. My children would be bewildered and feel like I had abused their trust. But if they weren't hurt and found it funny as with the mum who calls her child a dick you are teaching them that it's funny to swear behind people's backs. As is evident here, that is not a view shared by many and at the very least is likely to get them into a great deal of trouble.

There is nothing anybody has said here that has made me think it would be OK to swear at a toddler and that this may be an example of good parenting after all.

Agree.