...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?

[Legbreak]

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

I do this, I also mutter "fuck off" usually followed by a cheery "Yes darling?". LOL at all the pearl clutching on this thread 😂😂

If you saw ur sons teacher doing this behind his back, I’m sure you would go insane

Erm, that's because she's a teacher. Not heir Mum she's more than welcome to tell my kids to fuck off in her head though (and no doubt does).

Yabu

It’s not very nice is it. Imagine if your mum did this to you!

My dcs drive me fucking insane but that’s because I have no patience. I certainly wouldnt give them the finger.

But if you would be horrified to see a teacher swearing behind the back of her pupils, why is it OK for the mum? The teacher has 30 kids, the full range of challenging behaviour and doesn't love the child. Why would you expect worse behaviour from the child's own parent? It's staggering hypocrisy as well. I'll tell my child to fuck off but I don't expect anyone else to.

Sorry, that was to Gunpowdergelatine.

Why would you expect worse behaviour from the child's own parent? It's staggering hypocrisy as well

Oh give over. I snuggle my child up in bed with me, kiss his face when he cries, have water fights and smartie colour guessing competitions.

If I did any of those things with the children I teach I’d be sacked. Possibly arrested 🤔

Being a parent and being a teacher are not even vaguely the same thing.

You're deliberately missing the point, Smile. Swearing at a child is nasty, childish and smacks of a loss of control. You would know this objectively if you saw someone else do it. The OP acknowledges her sister is 'appalled'. She knows not to do it out in public for the same reason.

I’m not deliberately missing the point.
You made the point about parents/teachers. I don’t think it’s a very good point. I deffo didn’t miss it.

Smile the point is that it’s not ok for anyone to do it. If you would be horrified to see someone else tell your child to fuck off then why would you do it?

user
That was not the specific point made on the post I responded to.

But actually, I answered your more general point, if you’d considered my post rather than just dismissing my view.

I have a different relationship with my DC than anyone else. I love then more, I listen to their secrets. I guide him through his grumps, laugh with him, argue about whether red or orange is the best starburst flavour.
I mop tears, answer ridiculously difficult science questions within a millisecond of opening my eyes. I co sleep. I breastfed past 18 months. I know how to make the best scrambled egg and I endlessly imagine new Lego characters. And sometimes, sometimes when I hear the words “mummy which character will you be” for the eleventy millionth time, I wait until he’s on his way to the Lego mountain and a flick the vs. Then I follow and I make up a character who can fly and breath fire and speak Moonish. And at night, I feel tiny hands around my neck and a sleepy voice whispering “I love you more than most”

So yeah. Judge away, people, judge away.

Smug
Smug
Smug
Smug
Lying
Fuckers........

Yet you would happily tell your child to fuck off?

Sorry but just because you love your child and are nice to them most of the time doesn't make it ok to swear.

Amazingly enough, the mums who don't swear at their children also love their children.

If you would be horrified to see someone else tell your child to fuck off then why would you do it?

Nobody is telling their child to "Fuck Off" - and if you're honestly too stupid to understand that (and you're not alone to be fair) then you're not worth engaging with.

But I bet (and I bet I'm right) that because you're so "respectful" of your kids you'll be those parents that rear little shits......

no

You aren’t getting it lovely. You obvs have a different perception of what flicking the vs represents. It’s ok for people to have different perceptions. I’m not judging you for not ever doing it.

Lying
Fuckers........

Another perfect illustration of aggressive communication.

So,me of you seem unable to restrain yourselves.

Not read the entire thread but I totally give my 18-month old the finger behind his back when he has chucked his bolognese sauce on my cream carpet for the umpteenth time. I can’t swear or raise my voice but I can give the finger when no one is looking. It’s just a little gestural banter to make myself laugh because otherwise I might cry. I still love my little boy to the moon and back and that’s all he’ll ever know.

illustriously, how exactly would you interpret it if you saw somebody give you the finger behind your back?

And the notion that NOT swearing at your kids somehow means you are 'rearing little shits' where to even start?

Is this just always your reaction to hearing about views that are different from yours? You just swear a lot?

Do you realize how unpleasant that makes you sound? As well as how lacking in controlled, articulate arguments?

That is also how you will come across to your children and will be the way they respond when people disagree with them.

speak

I’ve been really polite.

What do you think about my point that perhaps different people perceive flicking the vs differently?

Nobody is telling their child to "Fuck Off" - and if you're honestly too stupid to understand that (and you're not alone to be fair) then you're not worth engaging with.

Giving the finger and flicking the Vs literally means Fuck You. That is what you are saying to your child every time you do it. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to anyone else.

It’s quite telling that the posters who are defending swearing at children are the same ones who have to resort to insults and cursing to make their point.

As well as how lacking in controlled, articulate arguments?

no this made me chuckle. Your argument is certainly controlled but it’s completely lacking in nuance.

Making obscene gestures behind backs us the only way to deal with the teen years.
Fact

What do you think about my point that perhaps different people perceive flicking the vs differently?

If someone flicks vs at me I perceive they are telling me to fuck off. It’s fairly straightforward.

user

Ok. And if they do it behind your back so you don’t see? How do you perceive it then.

Also. That’s not how I perceive it. If it’s someone who loves me, i would perceive it as a “argh! Stop being annoying” usually combined with a laugh.

So maybe the difference is how we perceive these things?

Smile, I'm not really aiming for 'nuance', I'm aiming for clarity.

I don't think it's right to swear at toddlers.

I think it is entirely inappropriate, nasty and childish. I think it sets a bad example and is not the way a responsible adult should be treating or thinking of a toddler.

Controlled, calm and clear. Not swearing. Not insulting. Not making bizarre and random assumptions about other people's lives.

It is possible to communicate like this then. It's also more likely that you will raise children who can communicate like this, if that is what you model.