...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?

[Legbreak]

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

@drearydeardre

Are you saying that muttering obscenities (fuck you/shit/shove off/fucking hell/dirty slut/crap etc..) is better than using this obscene gesture behind the back?

Aeroflotgirl... not everyone is going to agree with you. Doesn’t mean I’m judging u, I have mistakes of my own.. the issue is when we don’t acknowledge it as a shortcoming and instead state that there is “nothing wrong”.

We need to learn to live and love ourselves despite our shortcomings and work on improving... what I disageee with is to celebrate a mistake and a wrong behaviour and assume it’s the way it should be.

Yes perhaps for now flicking the finger is better than an aggressive remark if that’s what would stop aggression ... but both are wrong and one is less wrong than the other.. the right thing would be to handle it positively.

We should all..including myself.. aim to get there..

oyster easier said than done, when on the summer holidays when kids are bored start winding each other up, fighting and your at the end of your rope. It is away from them. It is not out of contempt fir yiur child or hatred, but frustration, feeling crap and probably not able to cope. Rather a hand gesture in private than to shout at them. When your kid has emptied your cupboards on the floor for the up tenth time, despite time out, talking to them. And them laughing at it, tgey are 6 not 16 months, and pushing your buttons a sneaky gesture away from them is fine.

i may well be coming across as a saint in this situation.. but rest assured we all have strengths and weaknesses and u might see me as a devil in other instances..

It’s best that we be moderate and and don’t label anyone as a saint or a devil .... we are all humans and we are allowed to have strengths and weaknesses of varying degrees , and hence why advising each other makes sense.. otherwise, why come on this forum ?

How are some people, who presumably live in the actual world, so terribly shocked and affronted by this?!

Would you have made obscene gestures to your Dad with dementia?

Yep

Yummy, we are human and will have shortfalls. Sometimes going into another room away from the child, to let out frustration, is tge best thing. A lot of times, my positivity has gone by the end of the day, when I am Worn, tired and and my child is asking tge same question 50 times. There will be times that our coping is not very good. Mine is the holidays, when ds ends up winding up dd who has ASD, as he's bored, even though we have been out, treated them etc.

How are some people, who presumably live in the actual world, so terribly shocked and affronted by this?!

Because they're perfect of course!!

A bit of virtue signalling is the perfect end to the week for some of them...

I'm giving all the smug mums the finger now!!

yummy I agree with you, most of the time all is good, but there are a few hard times when I feel crap that this happens but not a lot at all.

I don't do the finger but I've made cross face and wagged my finger at DS when I've been at the brink and he finds it hilarious and copies me which makes me laugh and instantly diffuses things. Same when he's having a little tantrum, if I copy him it snaps him straight out of it.

It isn't nice to get that point of being angry with a child but they push you like nothing else. And it's not just irritation over them not wanting toast but it's the cumulative effect of lack of sleep, lack of money, lack of hours in the day, worrying about this and that, then the tantrums on top. There is only so much you can deal with before you need to release some tension to regulate your mood.

When home with my 3 year old and 9 month old, I mutter "oh FFS" under my breath at least 3 times a day

Oh all of you pearl clutchers must be perfect parents who never lose it.

I do, OP! Then I laugh at what I'm doing

Not read the thread as I know the smug, prissy 'shocked' posters would irk me too much, but when the children were little DH & I would often say to each other 'remind me again why we don't hit children?' . Somehow we managed to resist actually throttling them.

For the record I have never done this but I can’t find it within me to judge.

Thing is, small people drive you to insanity. You shouldn’t shout. You shouldn’t swear. You shouldn’t hit. You shouldn’t cry. You need to not lose your temper and you need to be the adult and not say anything wrong or bad or damaging in the heat of the moment even though you want to claw out your own eyeballs through the frustration and relentlessness of it sometimes.

So, posters who have an issue with this, I ask you: what are you actually meant to do, when it gets too much sometimes?

Thanks to everyone giving me the finger and calling me all sorts of things... you are only proving my point ! The soul is how u tame it.

For the record , I find the whole language of the MNetters very ungraceful when it comes to swearing and attitudes. So yh there u go, more virtues for the end of the weak.

I’m not perfect myself, I can list all my flaws for u, but this thread was asking a specific question and so I used my “judgement” to answer it that way. It’s funny how when someone doesn’t like an advice they jump to call it “judgemental”. Im Criticisig an action.. I understand it. Understand the context . Understand the humanness behind it.. but it’s just not beneficial for society and generations and our inner soul for us to deal with things this way.

Pp drdo... I mentioned before that :

1. we can keep trying instead of accepting it as “reasonable”

2. we can murmur to ourselves some positive things like a pp said “ they’re only 2, they will grow out of it soon”. Just create a mantra for those occasions

3. u can reward urself as I found this effective, “if I get through this in peace I will donate 50p into the “me jar” to get myself that spa night I’ve been wanting”. Or if u don’t have a budget for that u can mentally give urself points and have ur own spa night at home everytime u feel u kept patient.

4. u can punch a punching bag.

5. u don’t need to be perfect ,.. or aim to be perfect .. just aim to be fair , and disrespecting a child who is only acting the way they’re supposed to be isn’t fair. It happens tho... so don’t beat urself up... but just try not to normalize it.

I can’t wait for all those posters that want to pinpoint all the negative things in my post.

Again guys.. I understand why ur taking this so sensitively after a long day of parenting.

U are amazing enough for being thto re and for loving ur child ... and for trying .

Stop being on edge people

People talking about dementia have obviously never cared for someone with dementia. It's not a sweet illness where the poor old darlings are confused - they (my dad in my case) are fucking rude and annoying and infuriating and incredibly hard to like at times. I've absolutely flipped my dad off numerous times because I'm human and I feel angry and frustrated and hurt and gutted same as anyone else. It makes me feel better and lets me go back to him with patience and love time and time again, despite his behaviour. I also mutter 'fuck off' about him and my kids and my husband. I am a loving and hardworking and great mum, wife and daughter and I don't give a fuck who judges me. You can fuck off too!

Because they're perfect of course!!

A bit of virtue signalling is the perfect end to the week for some of them...

I’d say that not treating your child with contempt falls under “lowest acceptable behavior” rather than “virtue signaling.”

Actions speak louder than words. The contempt you show when you make the gesture will come out in other ways and your child will feel it.

The contempt you show when you make the gesture will come out in other ways and your child will feel it.

I echo this

I'm not a parent, but I wouldn't do this just because I'm visually impaired and may not see if she can see me or not.

Yabu

Horrible thing to do.

Not the finger but defo said shut up under my breath loads or when she's out of earshot
No one pushes your buttons like your own child (although DH is equally annoying but gets told to F off to his face)

UserX... spot on.

Fuck's sake it's not bloody contempt. It's borne out of sheer frustration.
(Oh dear, there's my "lack of Grace" showing again.)
And btw its you, not u.

Actions speak louder than words. The contempt you show when you make the gesture will come out in other ways and your child will feel it.

This.