...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?

[Legbreak]

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

What shocks me is that flipping the bird is enough to make you feel better. I need some air realease to let the pressure out (let's be clear I don't angry fart at my child. When I am in another room and DC calls me for the 73nd time, I angry whisper "Woooooot? WOOOOOOOOOOOOT? Fuck. Dick. Fuck. Dick ducking fucking fuck". Before answering in my best mummy voice " what is it darling?".

What angry fart can you do that? I want that skill

Haha no I personally haven't done it but feel very smug when DC are whinging getting into the car and I shut the door mid sentence on them! Sometimes enough is enough! Don't feel bad to feel annoyed with children occasionally they are frustrating little things!

I asked Dsis what to get for Nephews birthday, she said, nothing because he's a twat

There's even a meme. Sorry, didn't RTFT

I was a nurse for quite a long time. The reason I left the NHS and in fact the UK was because of people thinking patients were hilarious. I wasn't that well trained or brilliant but I had a pun number same as the rest of you. I dont even care that much, just sat waiting for a call out to end the tedious boring shift. If you think its funny, you are probably not very bright..

I’ve been know to do it to the dog as well

Do you get a pun number if you leave the NHS.
I have never done the finger but I used to do the mimed wringing of neck.

Hee hee. You must be so pleased I made a ttoo. But sticking fingers up at toddlers is funny in your life.

I hope you aren't busy Mumsnet ting while in shift.Tut tut.

Bloody hell, so much judgement.

OP my twins are so loved but they drive me bloody bonkers.

I swear into the fridge a lot!!!

Poor fridge doesn’t even know what it has done to deserve my vengeance.....

Sometimes it's easy to forget they are people, just people like you and me in small bodies and much more vulnerable

If you wouldn't do it to someone with dementia or SN, why would you a defenceless toddler? Why is it any different?

And parents are people too. People sometimes at the end of their tether, caring 24/7 for someone who they love but tests them constantly, and yet they get judgment for swearing under their breath or flipping the bird behind their back.

And yes, my dad has an illness with dementia elements. On the times when he's sworn at me, insulted me or tried to physically attack me I've been known to leave the room and mutter "FFS" under my breath. Aren't I dreadful?

We're not talking about what you might or might not mutter under your breath.

Would you have made obscene gestures to your Dad with dementia?

Thought not. For a very good reason.

As long as she never turns around... If she ever does?

Good luck explaining that she isn't allowed to make rude hand gestures...

So much judgement from the perfect parents who never get annoyed or frustrated with their children, or need to let of steam in some way.
My dd doesn't stop talking from the moment she wakes up till she goes to sleep. Everything is narrated, she has a million questions an hour, she whines etc. Sometimes I swear under my breath, sometimes I stick my finger up at her behind her back or through the bathroom wall. She can't see me. To her face I carry on with the "that's interesting" etc. Im alone with her for most of the day. Toddlers are annoying and full on.
But then again I flip the bird at my dh all the time in a jokey way so maybe I don't see it as much of a terrible gesture as some people.

"Would you have made obscene gestures to your Dad with dementia? "

If I was taking care of him 24/7, sleep deprived at the end of my tether, about to snap badly, then it seems like flipping the bird behind his back, take a deep breath and go back to taking care of him would be a better option than losing it.

It's not about hating our children, it's about having a way to calm down and even ending up laughing at our reaction

There isn’t judgement in here. The op was asking if she was being reasonable and sounds like those mums who are shaming the intelligence of the mothers who disagree are themselves in desperate need of validation for their poor behaviour.

Sorry, u might be brilliant parents, but this specific behaviour is very unreasonable. Doesn’t set a good example to ur child who isn’t knowing how to communicate and deal with their internal negativity and needs u s a role model... if ur way of handling negative situations is to take it out on someone behind their back, then u also might be that person that vents after having a bad day by slandering and backbiting everyone...

The soul is what u tame it to become... don’t accept this on urselves ..

THEre must be a healthy way to deal with frustration. No one is telling u to beat urself up for being a horrible creature... em are just addressing this particular behaviour to be quite frankly immature and not befitting of a mother.

Oh god yummy another saint here. Doing it where the child cannot see, when you are at the end of your rope, nothing wrong. Doing it in front of the child is.

Sorry I am not on happy smiley mode 24/7 Yummy, wow so much judgement.

YANBU. Me to OP.

Yes if I was looking after my father with dementia 24/7, and had to deal with difficult challenging behaviour on a regular basis, I woukd be secretly giving him the bird as well as a bit more in the bathroom, whilst screaming inside.

Whilst trying to maintain a calm front

I agree with the sentiment of Yummy's post. If you deal with frustration by thinking Fuck You 🖕😡🖕 It's pretty easy for over time that to become your normal way of dealing with things. A few deep breaths and a bit of an internal pep talk "they're only 2, it's not personal, this is just a phase" is so much more positive. I've seen loads of threads on here over the years where people have said they wish they weren't such angry shouty mums and it does tie in jumping to anger at your child when they are being difficult rather than understanding.

The gesture communicates moderate to extreme contempt, and is roughly equivalent in meaning to "f off," "f you," "shove it up your ass/arse," "up yours," or "go f* yourself." Extending the finger is considered a symbol of contempt in several cultures, especially in the West.
is this what you really want to use towards your child (even if she is not aware) - a bit of under breath swearing would be much more acceptable. I am sure if someone else did it to your precious child you would be appalled. Obscene gestures are never acceptable to me and are certainly not amusing.