...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?

[Legbreak]

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

I know Tinkly I swear one of mine said bollocks please sleepat 6 months

Frightening

Ohmydayslove

A poor attempt at sarcasm.
1/10.

I am a parent who teaches their children to respect others, and sticking the finger up at someone else is never appropriate.

Most grown ups manage this.

Mine would.ve said it at 12 months though Oh,

Definitely done this.

Toddlers are hideous beings, whatever it takes without screaming in their face, or physically hitting them has to be a good thing. Whoever suggested it would be better to scream in front of them - no, it really would not.

Mine are 9 and 7 now and we are in, what my primary teaching DH, calls the "glory years" where they are delightful fun and funny company and mostly quite biddable (obviously they are total arseholes on occasions but less rather than more). I fully foresee a return to the bird-flipping-behind-backs in about 3 or 4 years.

speakour

Well fair enough it made me laugh but then I unclench slightly.

Oh the 9 and 7 years are so lovely

Surely the point here is context? The OP and others (probably.....most of the time ) love their children and I’m sure their children feel loved, secure and emotionally attached. Therefore there is no agression here, it’s just a small release of emotion that means that parents can continue to provide a loving supportive environment for those children (whilst at the same time being human beings who are being driven mad by their own pint sized dictators).

Comparing it to someone flipping you the bird in the pub or calling you a shitbag in the supermarket is ridiculous because the context is entirely different. Someone flipping you the bird in the pub is a) wanting you to see it and b) most likely doing it in an agressive manner. The OP and others are doing the total opposite of this.

bakingdiva common sense really

I have 2 children. Both have ASCs and both can be very very hard work. I love them and respect them and would do anything for them but I am human and not a saint.
Sometimes, when they have been very very difficult I have been known to walk away to another room and stand and flick my two fingers in their direction while doing a little dance.
I also do the same to my husband. I know full well he does the same to me.
Once I have done my little dance I take a deep breath and return to the situation calmer, probably smiling because the act of my 'two fingered waves all round' dance makes me feel a bit silly and makes me laugh at myself.
And yes, my children sometimes make me angry. Surely a silly dance in another room is better than me shouting and us all ending up crying?
I'm also a teacher. I care very deeply about my pupils but there are some that drive me bonkers and I have gone into the stock cupboard once or twice to do silent FFS or OMFG or scream. It doesn't mean I have no respcet for the child. It means I stay calm and deal with whatever issue has arisen.
I also sing the 'Fuckity bollocks' song silently to myself when a parent is talking bollocks.

If it's a gesture behind their backs versus being shouted at, then I cant see the problem. My mother got frustrated and shouted quite a lot. I wish she'd found some other way of releasing some of that frustration.

jeffV I know the feeling, dd11 has ASD, learning difficulties, developmental delay, and ds 6 has a developmental delay, speech delay, and during the holidays it can be hell. If ds is bored, he winds up dd which causes a meltdown, fighting. The finger thing happens out of pure frustration, and either in another room or when they are not looking, as they can be really hard. I am a mother, I try my best, but I am a human who is not perfect. As somebody has said, I am not a saint. Better that, then shouting at them.

jeffV my kind of person. a virtual 11 to all the saints out there, that was meant to be a finger btw .

I no longer have a toddler but I do flick vs at the dog

You have no idea. I have seen abuse and casual abuse isn't acceptable. I am bored and sat in a room on call and have time to disagree with people who I think are horrid. Numpty is a term usually favoured by people who enjoy a bit of "banter". I'm not scared or bothered by you.

Having a proper chuckle at the saints who think it's dreadful that people mutter stuff under their breath or do something that the child etc can't see!!!!

I wonder if their children are the irritating ones at school that always think they're 100% amazing and never do anything wrong?

Used to do this all the time. And worse. Single finger, the Harvey Smith fingers, mouthing obscenities behind her back - in utter silence.

then calmly return to the unreasonable duties dd had laid before us. Repeatedly.

Maybe the problem is that I see mothers to be role models to behaviour and attitude in later on in life ... and not just source of emotional security..

So therefore, this gesture will only teach the child that passive aggressive behaviour is acceptable against vulnerable people - just to release frustration

I understand that parents are humans and mistakes happen, but that’s what it shoilf he labelled as “ a mistake”.

.

We were seen once doing the frustration-fuelled jig, mouthing and fingers behind dd's back on a beach once, and got the stare from a rather judgey older woman. Which helped even more!

You have no idea. I have seen abuse and casual abuse isn't acceptable. I am bored and sat in a room on call and have time to disagree with people who I think are horrid.

Chill mate....

I only used "Numpty" because MN would have deleted the comment if I'd said c*nt...

I no longer have a toddler but I do flick vs at the dog

You Bastard!!

Nah I don't think this is OK. I'm not a prude by any means but swearing (or visual swearing as this is) at a child doesn't compute in my brain. Surely it's not much different to tell her to fuck off, since that's what the sign equates to.

I flick st the cat. She’s a psycho.

JJS888

Many people on here are teachers doctors social workers and nurses and have seen probably far worse abuse and untold cruelty than you. I know as a nurse I have.

However an essential part of the role is perspective calm and judging each situation as a whole incident.

You sound as if you are either taking on too much and are stressed or havnt been properly trained.,

Your posts are very out of proportion to the ops post. And her specific circumstances

And i am not scared or bothered by you is a very strange remark. Why would you be scared by another mumsnetter? Seriously you need to chill