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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU & grabby?

298 replies

worthsolittle1 · 21/06/2018 20:37

First post so may be a bit long I've been with my partner for over 3 years and i have 3 children he has none that live with him.
He has recently rented out his house to help pay off his debts quicker moved in with us & said he will pay me £150.
I work full time earn 3 times less than him I'm not broke but neither am I rolling in money I feel a little sad that that's all he thinks I'm worth I think I'm being a little unreasonable as I'd still have all my bills to pay if he wasn't living here.

I had an ex who used me to pay off debt promised marriage and strung me along till everything was in my name then went off with another woman. I don't want to be a mug again but neither do I want to come across as money grabbing :(

OP posts:
dupainduvin · 21/06/2018 21:05

What is the cost of renting a room in a house in your area? I bet he can’t rent a room for that much a month.

He sounds exactly like your ex, you know he’s taking the absolute mickey.

mumsastudent · 21/06/2018 21:05

conman - if your kids were working and paying housekeeping & you were being reasonable how much would you charge them? & as for takeaways hey he should do that anyway your his girlfriend after all

SilverySurfer · 21/06/2018 21:06

Unless you have M U G tattooed on your forehead, tell him this doesn't work for you - he needs to pay up or move out.

Did you not have a discussion about this before he moved his cocklodger arse in?

dupainduvin · 21/06/2018 21:06

I’m not sure I could even see a future with a man that would think it was ok to even start out with this offer - it is totally taking advantage.

dupainduvin · 21/06/2018 21:06

Yes I don’t understand why you let him move in either.

Travis1 · 21/06/2018 21:08

All the nopes! Has he moved in yet? Please don’t let him. He’s a cocklodging CF!

Vanillamanilla1 · 21/06/2018 21:08

Yes he's taking the piss and he knows it
Btw can I come live with you ? ....I'll even up the anti and give u £200 all in Grin

Ivymaud · 21/06/2018 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
worthsolittle1 · 21/06/2018 21:08

I don't get any tax credits I earn just under £1500 a month. I rent don't own my own house my children are older so no child care
His 3 children can come stay EOW
I feel gabby asking for something which I already/ am used to paying for I still have a little spare income
Thank you so much for all the replys

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 21/06/2018 21:09

Is he KIDDING?

So he's renting out his place, keeping the money (okay, he's paying his debts, but he's not sharing that money with you) and then expecting you to keep him for £150 PER MONTH???

That's what someone might expect their 18 year old child to pay when they're first earning. This guy earns three times what you earn and he's wanting to make money out of you.

I hope you've told him where to go. And no, another offer isn't what you need - he's shown his true colours here.

Zaphodsotherhead · 21/06/2018 21:10

I'd also be worried about how someone earning 3x what you earn (unless you earn pocket money wages) can run up debts so bad that he needs to move in with you to clear them? And he doesn't even have dependent children to claim that they have cost him the money? And he thinks that £150 a month is fair??

He's not only a cocklodger, but he's totally shit with money and has no idea how to manage it.

WhiteWalkerWife · 21/06/2018 21:10

He is a pisstaker, seriously. For him to even think it's okay is a massive red flag.

WerkSupp · 21/06/2018 21:10

Well that would be you, who have 3 dependants and a lower income, paying off his debts wouldn't it. He's a sponger and I would have him live in my house.

This. 100%.

dupainduvin · 21/06/2018 21:10

For the life of me I can’t understand why you think it’s grabby to ask for more than £150 per month.

Madupfam · 21/06/2018 21:13

Pay day soon tell him to cough up or ship out!

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 21/06/2018 21:14

I feel gabby asking for something which I already/ am used to paying for I still have a little spare income

You are so not grabby!!! This is ridiculous

Picture it another way, if you were moving to a new property, you would share the costs, ideally proportionally to your incomes within reasons, or at the very worst 50/50.
From an equal partner, £150 month is not a contribution, it's a tip.

Please do seriously consider if you feel comfortable in this relationship, if it sounds right to live together.

RandomMess · 21/06/2018 21:14

He's picked you well, someone generous and kind...

You really need to work out how much extra feeding all these extra people costs plus share of utility bills, 50:50 on council tax and at least 25% of the rent.

You are giving up space, autonomy and independence and all that has a value in addition to the extra costs incurred. You should BOTH be financially better off by pooling resources not just him!

escape · 21/06/2018 21:14

I am sure you would be entitled to tax credits unless your children are over 18 ? I earn a similar amount with 3 kids and am entitled - do a benefits check on the turn 2 us website !

magoria · 21/06/2018 21:16

He is doing exactly the same as your ex. He isn't even trying to hide it.

He earns £4.5k (3 x yours a month) PLUS rental from his house. Yet thinks £150 is enough to live on a month. Plus he expects his 3 DC also to rack up EOW. That isn't enough for food, gas, elec, hot water, council tax in any way shape or form.

He is expecting to have what? approximately £5k a month free to himself while you have virtually nothing left over?

How much debt is he in and how did it happen?

Please ask him to leave he is taking the piss.

Original poster
worthsolittle1 · 21/06/2018 21:16

WerkSupp we didn't talk money before he moved in he just moved in we had a conversation about money and he said he'd give me £150 a month ..I feel a little unreasonable as I have 3 children I don't expect him to pay for them. I wanted to see if I was being greedy or if £150 a month was reasonable

OP posts:
elephantscanring · 21/06/2018 21:16

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

£150 per month???

So you're helping him pay off his debts???

Zaphodsotherhead · 21/06/2018 21:17

So this guy earns over £4,500 A MONTH and he's got debts??? Which can only be settled by him renting out his house?

WHAT THE HELL HAS HE BEEN DOING??

I'm sorry but that's more money than I can ever imagine having in every month, and I just can't understand how he can have run up such huge debts on earnings like that, unless he's got a rampant coke habit.

Are you SURE that's why he's renting out his house? Not just because he fancies moving in with you and getting a free ride for the rest of his life?

Anon12345ABC · 21/06/2018 21:17

Should be 50/50 of bills and part of the rent. He's onto a right winner there. Did you actually agree with the £150?

category12 · 21/06/2018 21:18

He's feathering his nest at your expense. He'll be costing you more than £150 a month in utilities, groceries and council tax etc. He's going to be massively better off through this arrangement and you'll be worse off.

TeenTimesTwo · 21/06/2018 21:18

Surely it needs to be a win-win?

How much is he saving/gaining by being with you?
Shouldn't you be saving/gaining by around the same amount?

So he is taking in say £600 in rent and bills neutral as maybe he is still paying them. So he should give you at least £300.
But if you now have to pay full council tax and no single person's discount that needs to be taken into account too.
Plus at least the increase in grocery bills.