It's a summer childcare one! Furious

[Nicpem1982]

Have offered to have dn for a day a week over the summer to help bil out. He has found out via mil that I'm off for 3 weeks as I've saved my annual leave.

Hes challenged dh last night at ils saying he should get me in line and if I'm off work it doesn't hurt to have an extra child and he needs to sort me out so he can drop dn off for a few days at a time

I'm furious and am tempted to withdraw offer of one day per week. Aibu to tell him to forget bringing dn at all.

For clarity bil is single and I have previously helped bil out but he took advantage, didn't pick her up on time one turned up the next day, dropped her at 5am instead of 7am etc so I've had enough

id defo tell him were to go! im lucky enough to be off work all the school holidays and my sister sometimes expects me to have her kids when im off, even tho she uses half her holidays when hers are in school! she can get arsey sometimes when i say no!

Totally outrageous! I would do zero favours for someone who spoke about me that way.

Please withdraw the offer OP.

He sounds like a top class CF and knowing you will be off plus you sticking to what you promised would leave the door open for him and I would not put it past him to do whatever he wants re drop off and pick up times and just turning up and dumping his DD at your house whatever day he pleases.

Make it clear the offer is off the table and you will not be having his DD at all now.

We parent differently but dn is cared for.

Hes not generally my cup of tea and never really has been, but given his circumstances I offered to help out last summer as sils passing was unexpected and as she was a sahm he had nothing in place. Our relationship was OK and he seemed to be making an effort to be less of a twat but this is back to how he's always been.

For the poster who asked, no he never sends dn with lunch or money for activities when she's here nor is any childcare reciprocal.

grumpy he is a widower but he's using his annual leave for himself I appreciate that he may need help hence my offer of one day per week on my scheduled day off, this isn't his first rodeo and the summer holidays are roughly the same time each year so he should have known they were coming and made arrangements

What a fool he is.
You are clearly a kind hearted woman. He could have played you like a fiddle
"Oh Nicpem, DN is missing a strong female role model and love being with you so much, I know it's a lot to ask but is there any chance at all that you could spend some quality time with her over the summer, to help guide her to become an amazing woman like you"

Instead he's acted like an utter knobhead and if I were you I'd tell him to go fuck himself.

Shikla- if he'd have said that I'd have died laughing he hadn't got that kind of vocabulary in him

How old is your dn and when did she lose her mum?

Sorry have only read OP so may be repeating here but...

Tell the cheeky misogynistic bastard POS to FUCK OFF and die.

Demanding your DH "should get you in line" and "sort you out" in order to service him as a random male relative at any time he sees fit.

FUCK. THAT.

I'm so angry for you I would like to rip his head off and shit down his neckhole. (Yeah, I know, violence is not great but I got anger ishoos when it comes to men treating women like this)

He's a cf and needs to be told so. I would still have dn the one day a week offered but tell Bil that it won't be happening next holidays.

What a twat. I have a similar knob in my life and as much as I’d like to help for the child’d sake, he makes it so hard by acting all entitled and never ever thankful no matter what you do.
Have no answer but I feel your fristration. I’d like to punch the idiot

Dn lost mum nearly 2 years ago shes 6 ish now my dd is nearly 4 they don't really get on as dn can be a bit handsy

If you have DN one day a week he will take the piss now he knows you are off! He has done it before he will do it again. So I would withdraw the offer while there is still time for him to make other arrangements!

We did do a few days out etc together at weekends to keep bil company but that's died down now and we don't push it

It's the DN I feel for.,,..he hardly sounds like a on top of it guy

Wheely, - I do feel sorry for my dn but i'm concerned that if we agree to one day a week now he knows I'm off he just won't pick her up and be uncontactable.

Agree with you OP. Sounds like he'd take the mick

Is mum around, mum's parents? DN grandparents

He's single? You don't say.

As long as he takes your kids when he's off work, that's fine....

Ask your DH to tell him that, as you are on annual leave, you will be devoting yourself to meeting his (DH's) every comfort and need. Therefore you will no longer be available to look after DN. With his attitude, he'll probably believe it.

Absolutely withdraw your offer of one day a week. What a selfish git using his annual leave for a hobby and not to spend time with his DD.

Cheeky twat! I’d withdraw the one day a week right away, who does he think he is, get you in line?!

What an arsehole! Let him sort & pay for his childcare like everyone else, especially as your DD & DN don’t particularly get on, fuck that!

You would be more reasonable to accept his (bloody rude) request, providing that he is willing to look after your DCs during his entire annual leave period.

Oh God, he sounds a prick.. but, sob, that little girl.

What does handsy mean? She's probably traumatised.

Not helpful sorry, OP, I know and if you hadn't booked the time off he'd have to sort it out himself. But still...