It's a summer childcare one! Furious

[Nicpem1982]

Have offered to have dn for a day a week over the summer to help bil out. He has found out via mil that I'm off for 3 weeks as I've saved my annual leave.

Hes challenged dh last night at ils saying he should get me in line and if I'm off work it doesn't hurt to have an extra child and he needs to sort me out so he can drop dn off for a few days at a time

I'm furious and am tempted to withdraw offer of one day per week. Aibu to tell him to forget bringing dn at all.

For clarity bil is single and I have previously helped bil out but he took advantage, didn't pick her up on time one turned up the next day, dropped her at 5am instead of 7am etc so I've had enough

Well played, OP. He sounds like a wazzer. Enjoy time with your DN at MILs.

Well done to DH. Your time is yours to spend with your family, not your bil's kid.

Let's take a step back here.... I totally agree that you are furious and you need to stop this bio taking advantage. But during all of these utterly mean and disrespectful comments what did your husband reply?
TBH I would have been pisses even more with my dp if he hadn't told my bil to stay in his lane and to either start showing both respect and appreciation for what you have done in the past and what you offered or he will have to put his foot down and recall the offer for this summer until your bil learn his place. As for the bil, what a nasty, selfish cf. I can't see his single status being changed any time soon.

Ellie....

Exactly

Off the point, but I must say I feel incredibly sorry for his late wife. Presumably he regarded it as his right to "keep her in line".

I know it's settled now but I would've still done the "1 day" with set times and then if he didn't show up and was unreachable I'd call social services. It can't be great for her for her dad to repeatedly leave her somewhere without knowing if or when he's come back. And given his comments and her "touchy" behaviour, I'd be concerned anyway.

What a horrible person, can’t he think about his daughter who has lost her mother????
Would’nt it be normal for him to spend more time with your child rather than away from her? most working parents would make the time to take days off during school holidays to have time with their children when/where they can. He clearly didn’t appreciate his wife being a SAHM and sadly he doesn’t seem to see what he is and will be missing out on by doing his best to put his hobbies before his child.

What did BIL say when your DH told him that?
Your BIL is either in such a deep state of grief that he has lost his senses or, he his just an absolute arse.

Excellent outcome, OP - and your DH is a good 'un

This is so fucking outrageous i am struggling to believe it is true. He can't take time off to look after his child during the holidays because he has a fucking hobby?? WTF. He needs to step up. His child is his responsibility and he is her only parent. You have YEARS of his shite yet to come.

Well done to DH-better late than never. I am still shaking my head in disbelief!!

Bravo to your DH

Withdraw the offer, tell him to fuck off. You were already being more than generous and now he has blown it.

Well done, I hope that's the end of it and that your mil doesn't end up being put upon.

I wouldn't have an older child who was handsh with mine, no way. Never.

@Sarahrellyboo1987 Fri 22-Jun-18 18:47:25
His attitude to childcare is appalling especially in relation to just dropping her off and not picking her up at the intended time.

That’s actually failing to provide constancy and could be considered an issue with social services

^^THIS.

You have to wonder what other massive shortcomings he has as a father.

Again, I am concerned about this child's welfare.

Good, glad your DH told him where to go.
Hopefully that IS the end of it now.

Glad your DH told him straight.

I feel so sorry for your dn, she’s lost her mum and her dad just sees her as a tie stopping him doing his hobbies on the summer holidays, poor little girl. None of this is your fault and I don’t blame you for saying no, my heart goes out to that poor little girl

Get you in line? This is 2018 not 1820!

Does he think you're some kind of skivvy Victorian nursemaid? He definitely needs a bluddy good wallop around the chops with a wet fish.....

I'm.a teacher and I end up looking after everyones bloody kids in the holidays! I'm.rubbish and never say no tho 🙈

I would say you can only commit to the one day a week (for your neices sake) but i hope your husband told him he was being appallingly rude and entitled. Disgraceful behaviour!

The thing is Gin, she's not stopping him doing his hobbies, he does them instead of spending time with his daughter. I also feel sorry for her, she's going to grow up damaged, feeling as if she's the one at fault for her mum leaving her and her dad not wanting her around.

Nothing OP can do about that though, and OP shouldn't be facilitating his behaviour.

I think I'd try to be out of the house early on the Mondays because he is still likely to turn up with his daughter, he may even do the drop and drive, telling her to get out of the car and go to your door whilst he drives off.

I feel sorry for dn I really do.

If he turns up dh has told me not to let him in and to keep the door locked until we're ready to go out.

Don't fancy hiding in my house but my dd had had a busy year and really needs some lazy pj mornings and low key summer fun

What will you do if he just tells her to hop out of the car and chap on your door and he drives off immediately? From the sound of him that would be something he might do.

So much about this thread is so wrong.

Poor, poor little girl

If you're in you'll need to hide your car. If he sees the car he'll do the dump-and-drive thing because he's a CF.