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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mums disappointed that I don’t want takeaway, WWYD?

189 replies

DinosaurAgain · 20/06/2018 12:22

Name change for this.

It’s my birthday today. I had nothing planned for today and have gone to work as normal.

Mum decided she was going to take me out for a meal on Sunday as a belated celebration along with my DD (3), my brother and my granddad. Mum then decided she couldn’t afford to pay for everyone so asked if I could pay for mine and DDs. Said I could and we chose a local pub which suited the budget.

Just had a call from my mum to say she’s changed her mind as the footballs on so she’s not taking us out anymore but is instead going to get a takeaway. I’ll still have to pay for mine and DDs meals.
I don’t want a takeaway. For several reasons, a) I’ve never found one that I like as much as restaurant cooking or my own, b) I don’t like the salt content for either DD or I and c) I can usually make the same cheaper at home. Also it was supposed to be a treat for my birthday; I can get a takeaway any day of the week – there’s a Chinese and a fish and chip shop at the end of my road. I rarely go to restaurants as it seems such a waste just going me and DD so was looking forward to it. I’m also not bothered about the football.

So I said that I’d rather make my own at home and they could enjoy their takeaway while watching the match. I actually save myself money this way as I already have a chicken and a shoulder of pork in my freezer so I’d just need vegetables.

Mums disappointed apparently, says it’s not fair and I need to celebrate my birthday somehow. She has also text me since hanging up saying that she was looking forward to a “chilled” day with me and can’t I compromise this once?
I really am not bothered about a takeaway, to me it’s not a treat it’s a meal that you have when you don’t want to cook/haven’t got the time to cook. I rarely have one and DD has never had one (to my knowledge she may have had one when she goes to her dads/grandparents – she’s got some SN so probably won’t be able to tell me).

WWYD? Do I go and have the takeaway or make my own at home?

OP posts:
JellyBean571 · 20/06/2018 16:52

Shocked your mum has put football before your birthday! Wow.

BlueSapp · 20/06/2018 16:54

surely if they wanted to see the football and you were all going to a pub which most likely would be showing the games, that would've killed two birds and no need to move it to her house with a take away?

Buxtonstill · 20/06/2018 17:12

Your Grandad randomly found your post whilst browsing Mumsnet? What a coincidence...

bellabasset · 20/06/2018 17:23

Well as M& S are doing a dine in this week for £10 a couple if those would feed 5 for £20 including a bottle of wine and beer. That's probably less than going out.

If you get grills and salad there's little cooking, just laying up the table specially and making a cake.

DevilsDoorbell · 20/06/2018 17:30

So your mum wants to celebrate your birthday with you by you paying for a meal you don’t want but she’ll pay for their others? Bloody cheek.

Your birthday, you get to choose what you want to do.

Does she usually make it all about her?

QOD · 20/06/2018 17:31

Dear op. Your mums behaviour is cuntish

petrolpump28 · 20/06/2018 17:33

blimey stuff that .Your birthday is over, try to organise something or nothing next year.

Freetogo · 20/06/2018 17:38

Let them get on with it.

PuppetOnAString · 20/06/2018 17:42

Well this is weird.

To the OP’s Mum, none of this is a treat. Zero effort.

FootFlapperage · 20/06/2018 17:43

If it was me I'd just tell her to forget it

ThePants999 · 20/06/2018 18:18

This is amazing! "It's your birthday, you deserve a treat! Come round my house and order yourself a takeaway while I watch the football." And doing what YOU want would be "unfair" - to you, presumably, somehow. I love it.

PoodlesOfFund · 20/06/2018 18:59

I wonder just how many great grandfathers are perusing mumsnet... Hmm

PoodlesOfFund · 20/06/2018 19:00

I know if I found a thread about myself I'd sign up an account and respond to the post rather than just calling my daughter.

Obviously

Aridane · 20/06/2018 19:36

HarshingMyMellow · 20/06/2018 20:51

Op, are you okay?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/06/2018 21:12

How very odd this turned out.

WhiteWalkerWife · 20/06/2018 21:53

Your mum is very selfish. She wants you to do this her. She offered a treat then told you you would have to pay. Then when you found a place she told you she wanted to watch the football so it had to be takeaway.

There is self absorbed and being a cheeky fucker and there's your mum doing both...

HarshingMyMellow · 20/06/2018 22:11

@GreatDuckCookery agreed.

Thewheelshavefallenoffthebus · 20/06/2018 22:16

Newtothis2017

I am sorry but I am failing to see how buying yourself and your dd a takeaway and watching football is a birthday treat from your mum!!!

⬆️

This!!!!

mancmummy1414 · 20/06/2018 22:33

OP, YANBU at all (other than the salt content comment, one takeaway will not harm a child)
Mother who has replied

  • football is not a treat
  • takeaway is not a treat
  • you paying for everyone but the actual birthday girl and her daughter is DEFINITELY not a treat

You should have put your daughter before a football match and took her out for dinner (and paid for her; if you can’t afford all and the other adults can’t afford to pay for themselves, then the grandad and brother should have stayed home)

ALSO, Maybe if you stopped subbing the brother he would get an independent income source.

Sound like selfish CFs, the lot of you

mancmummy1414 · 20/06/2018 22:33

Not including OP!!

LemonysSnicket · 20/06/2018 22:40

So she wants you to drive to her house, pay for a meal you don't want and watch a sport you're not interested in? Sounds like her birthday to me

PlantsArePeopleToo · 20/06/2018 22:42

This is indeed a very interesting thread.

emmyrose2000 · 20/06/2018 23:18

Dontgetthis
for everyone to pass me off as a selfish, self centred mother

Assuming you're genuine, and not a troll, then selfish and centred is exactly what you are.

I highly doubt this is an isolated incident, but a pattern of behaviour. Stop favouring your son and start treating your daughter in a decent manner.

spudlet7 · 20/06/2018 23:49

Surely @Dontguessthis is a troll? She mentions OP's DF and DSis and OP said nothing about either. Perhaps they are not attending for the birthday celebrations? Hmm

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