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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mums disappointed that I don’t want takeaway, WWYD?

189 replies

DinosaurAgain · 20/06/2018 12:22

Name change for this.

It’s my birthday today. I had nothing planned for today and have gone to work as normal.

Mum decided she was going to take me out for a meal on Sunday as a belated celebration along with my DD (3), my brother and my granddad. Mum then decided she couldn’t afford to pay for everyone so asked if I could pay for mine and DDs. Said I could and we chose a local pub which suited the budget.

Just had a call from my mum to say she’s changed her mind as the footballs on so she’s not taking us out anymore but is instead going to get a takeaway. I’ll still have to pay for mine and DDs meals.
I don’t want a takeaway. For several reasons, a) I’ve never found one that I like as much as restaurant cooking or my own, b) I don’t like the salt content for either DD or I and c) I can usually make the same cheaper at home. Also it was supposed to be a treat for my birthday; I can get a takeaway any day of the week – there’s a Chinese and a fish and chip shop at the end of my road. I rarely go to restaurants as it seems such a waste just going me and DD so was looking forward to it. I’m also not bothered about the football.

So I said that I’d rather make my own at home and they could enjoy their takeaway while watching the match. I actually save myself money this way as I already have a chicken and a shoulder of pork in my freezer so I’d just need vegetables.

Mums disappointed apparently, says it’s not fair and I need to celebrate my birthday somehow. She has also text me since hanging up saying that she was looking forward to a “chilled” day with me and can’t I compromise this once?
I really am not bothered about a takeaway, to me it’s not a treat it’s a meal that you have when you don’t want to cook/haven’t got the time to cook. I rarely have one and DD has never had one (to my knowledge she may have had one when she goes to her dads/grandparents – she’s got some SN so probably won’t be able to tell me).

WWYD? Do I go and have the takeaway or make my own at home?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/06/2018 14:23

So your Mum invited you out for a birthday meal, but said you have to pay for yourself while she pays for other people?

Odd.

Yes, football is on so pub would probably be raucous.

Alternative plan is takeaway at her house but again, you have to pay for yourself? Just weird.

If you want to spend time with her, take your own food along. Don't bother going if you don't want to. Confused

nellieellie · 20/06/2018 14:25

So, for YOUR birthday, your DM no longer wants to take you out because the footballs on. She would rather watch football than take you out. For YOUR birthday she wants you to buy your own takeaway and eat it and her house even though you don’t like takeaways, because she wants to watch football.
“Compromise”. Erm no.
Just say. “But I don’t want to do that. And, I don’t like takeaways”. Repeat.

SleepBU · 20/06/2018 14:49

Just a thought for those questioning alleged DM’s use of acronyms etc - maybe sister is a mumsnet user, came across post and told GD who she is with, who announced it to DM, who is posting with sister’s assistance?

I can well imagine someone like that saying “right show me how how to write it with those initials they are using”

If it IS DM, then you are right to be ashamed but none of us know who you are so you have the chance to make things right

shinycat · 20/06/2018 14:52

Stay home if you wish. What your mother has done is weird and unfair.

Reminds me of a time when DH said his mate has invited us round for a meal. This meal he and his wife were going to cook/provide, turned into going out for a meal instead. The meal was at a medium priced restaurant in the town centre, and as they announced partway in that we could all 'go dutch,' it ended up costing me and DH £55, when they had bloody asked US for a meal. Hmm

Really pissed me off it did! Hmm

When someone suggests something, that makes them sound/appear good and generous, and then just changes it to suit their pocket better, it really proper pisses me off.

lifechangesforever · 20/06/2018 14:55

I'd just go to the pub that you'd chosen with DD.. you don't have to cook and it's a nice treat for you both.

I'd tell her to bore off. Sounds like she just wants to indulge your brother to be honest, on YOUR birthday.

WillowRose79 · 20/06/2018 15:01

I couldn't think of anything worse than watching the football on my birthday! stand your ground and say you'll see them before/after. Happy birthday!!

Strigiformes · 20/06/2018 15:06

Your mum is doing the bare minimum here and she knows it. It's more about her being about to save face and pretend that she's actually celebrated your birthday. Hope you have a lovely weekend doing something that you want to do op Flowers

LOL7 · 20/06/2018 15:11

That's so selfish of your DM! Why don't you take your DD out for a nice meal just the two of you instead Smile

FairyFace · 20/06/2018 15:20

She sounds like a right stinge! Its your birthday, fine she can't afford a meal for you so why bloody suggest it? Second she wants to do what she wants to do and wants you to basically tag along, I'd tell her your not bothered to go and that she can call over to you for a glass of wine when she gets the chance. Some people really are clueless.

FairyFace · 20/06/2018 15:21

PS Happy Birthday , I hope whatever you do , you have a lovely time xx

PoodlesOfFund · 20/06/2018 15:29

Mums disappointed apparently, says it’s not fair and I need to celebrate my birthday somehow. She has also text me since hanging up saying that she was looking forward to a “chilled” day with me and can’t I compromise this once?

Your mum is a dick. HTH

PurpleRobe · 20/06/2018 15:34

Could u suggest you mum and kid go for a nice lunch instead?

ohtheholidays · 20/06/2018 15:35

Your Mother is so out of order DinosaurAgain!What planet does she live on that a nice time for you for Your Birthday involves you watching tv that you don't enjoy and have to pay for and eat food you don't enjoy!

I thought my family could act weird but this takes this biscuit!

I don't agree with the statement about it not being worth it to go to a restaurant just you and your DD,I've gone out to eat in nice restaurants just myself and 1 or more of my DC and we've always had a brilliant time.You should give it a try,the younger you start taking them to nice restaurants the sooner they get used to it.

Happy Birthday,I hope you manage to sort it all out Flowers Cake Wine

watchingwithinterest · 20/06/2018 15:57

Op.

No way would I be watching football and eating crappy food on my birthday all to please mother.

So this is either a joke and they have arranged something lovely OR you need to make your excuses, and go and do something amazing. Even just a picnic in your favourite spot with a glass of wine.

Your mother and family sound horrendous if this is really what they plan to do..... Shock

Happy birthday, I hope you have fun! Wine

Twillow · 20/06/2018 15:58

Something you don't enjoy, that you also have to pay for, is in no way a treat! She IBU, I suppose you just have to suggest in a lighthearted way - I don't like Chinese much but actually, id love a cake/bottle of wine/pizza.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/06/2018 15:59

Your mum is a bit of a MALE people-pleaser by the sounds of it. My mum is the same but is oblivious and indignant. I just don't oblige or rush to fall into line when she does it. It's annoying.

Your brother and father love football so, she has to put them first. On your birthday. No, if you don't want to watch football go and do something else that you would actually like to do.

I wouldn't let my mum reschedule either - there's no real reason why she has to make it all about the MEN in her family - but then my birthdays don't matter to me. Don't let her off, would be my advice. She celebrates with you if she wants to - or doesn't. Her choice.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/06/2018 16:00

I don't believe that poster masquerading either; there is no 'offer of a takeway', only a suggest that you should pay for one for yourself and daughter. Ignore it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/06/2018 16:02

I don't think OPs mum is that much of a football fan... just that she's a male-members-of-the-family fan...

TantieTowie · 20/06/2018 16:04

Defo do what you want. The time I had to watch World Cup football on my birthday was one of the worst...

HarshingMyMellow · 20/06/2018 16:23

@Dontguessthis are you annoyed because everyone can see how truly selfish you are? This is about your daughters birthday and her being made to feel guilty because she doesn't want to slot in with your plans of a takeaway (which she has to pay for) and watching the football (which she doesn't like.)

Bang out of order.

Trinity66 · 20/06/2018 16:27

wow your mom sounds really selfish :/ I don't understand how you paying for your own Take Away that you don't even want to eat is a treat for you on your birthday? :/

Juells · 20/06/2018 16:35

As others have suggested, just tell her you don't want to watch football, don't want a takeaway, and there's no point in having a 'treat for your birthday' that is a treat you don't want and won't enjoy. If you're giving someone a treat it's supposed to be a treat for them, not for yourself.

Grobagsforever · 20/06/2018 16:39

Ah my mum does this. Announces we're getting a takeaway that no one wants and then I end up paying...

diddl · 20/06/2018 16:47

If the chosen pub will be showing the footie why didn't mum suggest elsewhere?

If Op's GD & brother want to watch, why not suggest going out without them?

heiheithechicken · 20/06/2018 16:50

Let them get on with it.

Go somewhere for dinner with DD and have a lovely time.

Happy birthday Thanks