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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums disappointed that I don’t want takeaway, WWYD?

189 replies

DinosaurAgain · 20/06/2018 12:22

Name change for this.

It’s my birthday today. I had nothing planned for today and have gone to work as normal.

Mum decided she was going to take me out for a meal on Sunday as a belated celebration along with my DD (3), my brother and my granddad. Mum then decided she couldn’t afford to pay for everyone so asked if I could pay for mine and DDs. Said I could and we chose a local pub which suited the budget.

Just had a call from my mum to say she’s changed her mind as the footballs on so she’s not taking us out anymore but is instead going to get a takeaway. I’ll still have to pay for mine and DDs meals.
I don’t want a takeaway. For several reasons, a) I’ve never found one that I like as much as restaurant cooking or my own, b) I don’t like the salt content for either DD or I and c) I can usually make the same cheaper at home. Also it was supposed to be a treat for my birthday; I can get a takeaway any day of the week – there’s a Chinese and a fish and chip shop at the end of my road. I rarely go to restaurants as it seems such a waste just going me and DD so was looking forward to it. I’m also not bothered about the football.

So I said that I’d rather make my own at home and they could enjoy their takeaway while watching the match. I actually save myself money this way as I already have a chicken and a shoulder of pork in my freezer so I’d just need vegetables.

Mums disappointed apparently, says it’s not fair and I need to celebrate my birthday somehow. She has also text me since hanging up saying that she was looking forward to a “chilled” day with me and can’t I compromise this once?
I really am not bothered about a takeaway, to me it’s not a treat it’s a meal that you have when you don’t want to cook/haven’t got the time to cook. I rarely have one and DD has never had one (to my knowledge she may have had one when she goes to her dads/grandparents – she’s got some SN so probably won’t be able to tell me).

WWYD? Do I go and have the takeaway or make my own at home?

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 20/06/2018 13:32

So basically, your mum will treat you for a birthday treat providing that.

A) You pay for yours and your dd meal while she pays for your non working brother

B) oh no cant do that come to mine and watch football and we get a take away, which you will have to pay for your and your dd meal.

C) Your happy to cook but they will to come to yours but they don't like that.

Exactly where in your mothers reasoning is there a 'treat' for your birthday. To me it reads she will see only when and how it suits her. Because face it if your not in to foot ball then the chances are you will be ignored and your DD depending on her age will be told to be quiet.

I would just tell not to bother and you and dd will have nice dinner at home doing what you want.

Nodnol · 20/06/2018 13:33

Just start planning the awesome meal you are going to have on her birthday. That you won’t pay for. And she won’t like.

FunSizedNinja · 20/06/2018 13:33

This is exactly why i despise football. Things like the world cup bring out the worst in people. Its a case of " Oh yeah its your birthday but the footie which will be on demand for me to watch anytime is more important... so i will cancel your birthday plans so you can come here and ill call you ungrateful... yet YOUR the one who should be ashamed. "

I think some people have their priorities wrong. FOOTBALL DOES NOT TRUMP A DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY.

wiltingfast · 20/06/2018 13:33

Well. It’s not about the takeaway though really is it? You could say it’s a little bit churlish to refuse to spend time with your mum just because you don’t want a takeaway.

I don’t like takeaways so I do sympathize.

Perhaps you could cook for you and dd at hers? Then you get the time together, but eat what you want?

QuizzlyBear · 20/06/2018 13:34

@Dontguessthis

I can believe that it's hurtful to see this thread about you online. I notice that you don't refute anything the OP said though.

Perhaps instead of being 'outraged' you could have a think about how hurt your daughter must have felt to discuss this with absolute strangers.

MeMyShelfandIkea · 20/06/2018 13:34

Interesting how "mum" has thought to include @ and a smiley on her first post having not had an account before.

Clutterbugsmum · 20/06/2018 13:37

Dontguessthis

If you are OP mum or sister then get your head out your arse , there is nothing about what you are suggesting is a TREAT for OP.

That would you actually asking OP what she wants to do, not forcing her to fit in with your plans.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 20/06/2018 13:38

This sounds like the worst birthday ‘treat’ ever suggested, doing something you don’t want to do watching something you aren’t interested in - and paying for it! Honestly just stay in and cook something nice and have a glass of wine or something.

SilverySurfer · 20/06/2018 13:42

So....

Your DM suggests going out for a meal where she will pay for the other people attending but not for you or your DD.

Then she changes her mind and wants a takeaway at her house where she will still pay for the others but not for you.

It seems irrelevant to your DM that you don't like takeaways, bearing in mind this is your birthday 'treat'

The reason DM doesn't want to go out to eat is because the football is on.

So the treat consists of you paying for your own takeaway which you don't like and eat it at your DM's house while she and presumably the others have their eyeballs fixed on the tv watching football.

If this is a treat I would hate to think what the opposite would be. Shock

I would tell her thanks but no thanks and enjoy the day how you please.

Happy Birthday Flowers

PodgeBod · 20/06/2018 13:42

Happy Birthday!
Don't go along with your mum's plan she is being incredibly selfish. Point out to her that her plan isn't a treat for you. Don't worry if she sulks.

UtterlyRainbowed · 20/06/2018 13:44

Forgot to say Happy Birthday hope you have a better day and if that is your Mum tell her to get her head out of her arse xx

LagunaBubbles · 20/06/2018 13:45

Dontguessthis Hmm

Taylia · 20/06/2018 13:49

@dontguessthis

Hopefully you’re a troll but if you’re not;

It’s your daughters birthday and you’ve changed plans on her several times and now want her at your house, watching football that she doesn’t like paying for her own takeaway that she doesn’t want...

Is no part of that registering as selfish to you?

FrillySpidersWillies · 20/06/2018 13:50

Dontguessthis

Biscuit
NoFucksImAQueen · 20/06/2018 13:56

oh good I'm glad your mum has seen this if it really is her. ok mum you are selfish and you should be ashamed.
op you sound resigned to this treatment, is your brother the favourite by any chance? fancy making someone pay for their birthday treat that you forced them to have. it's utterly ridiculous

BrendasUmbrella · 20/06/2018 13:57

She sounds dim. And if she's not stupid, she's mean.The best way to get along if she's stupid is just to lower your expectations, and understand her limitations. If she's mean, maybe reduce contact to a level you're comfortable with.

0hCrepe · 20/06/2018 13:57

I’m with you re takeaways, always a disappointment. I think your dm wants to see you, just not as much as she wants to watch the football, and stay in, and have a takeaway, and not pay too much for it. Wow she knows how to make you feel special!

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/06/2018 13:59

The lack of self awareness some people have is astounding!

You really are selfish and mean Dontguessthis, but you wont register that will you? Your type never do. You just go through life with absolutely no care or regard for other people and then dare to be angry with them when they refuse to enable your shitty behaviour.

Intsead of slagging your daughter off I suggest you consider why so many people have said the same thing about you.

Churrolicious · 20/06/2018 13:59

@dontguessthis Well done on your DF tracking this down on the internet so quickly and also you for getting the acronyms, smileys and @mentions sorted on your very post. It’s unbelievably clever.

plominoagain · 20/06/2018 14:05

@dontguessthis

If you are real , I’d be ashamed too . How much of a treat is a takeaway the birthday girl doesn’t want , but has to pay for ? Do you make her buy her own presents too ?

And honestly , I don’t think you ‘reconsidering your offer’ is going to be that much skin off her nose. In fact , it would probably be a relief , not having to sit next to someone who obviously doesn’t give a shit about them .

Jaxhog · 20/06/2018 14:15

I am sorry but I am failing to see how buying yourself and your dd a takeaway and watching football is a birthday treat from your mum!!!
This isn't a treat! Go out with your DD and have a nice meal. Forget your selfish DM.

itsbetterthanabox · 20/06/2018 14:16

@Dontguessthis
But seriously though why don't you explain instead of getting all angry?

BlancheM · 20/06/2018 14:18

Your mum is being selfish. Anyone would think it was her birthday.
She can either: mark the occasion by doing something you would enjoy even if it's to come round to slice some cake, or please herself with footy and a takeaway and be upfront about it.
I'm sorry it's come to this, some family can't hack a special day that isn't about themselves. I hope you have a lovely day with your DC Thanks

Ohmydayslove · 20/06/2018 14:20

You are completely reasonable on all points accept the football.

Loving the football.

Have a birthday to suit you and your dd op. Stuff her.

Tinkety · 20/06/2018 14:20

we chose a local pub which suited the budget.

Just had a call from my mum to say she’s changed her mind as the footballs on so she’s not taking us out anymore

I’m wondering if you’ve maybe got the wrong end of the stick here, Sunday is the England match so depending on the pub, the atmosphere won’t be conducive to a relaxing family meal so maybe that’s why she doesn’t want to go anymore? I love football but I still avoid pubs on match days for obvious reasons.

The World Cup matches are on the BBC & ITV so no need for Sky Sports so could they come to you? That way they can have their take away & you can have a nice home cooked meal.

I obviously don’t know your mum but is it possible that she might be planning a few small surprises for you, like maybe she’s baking you a cake or something?