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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mums disappointed that I don’t want takeaway, WWYD?

189 replies

DinosaurAgain · 20/06/2018 12:22

Name change for this.

It’s my birthday today. I had nothing planned for today and have gone to work as normal.

Mum decided she was going to take me out for a meal on Sunday as a belated celebration along with my DD (3), my brother and my granddad. Mum then decided she couldn’t afford to pay for everyone so asked if I could pay for mine and DDs. Said I could and we chose a local pub which suited the budget.

Just had a call from my mum to say she’s changed her mind as the footballs on so she’s not taking us out anymore but is instead going to get a takeaway. I’ll still have to pay for mine and DDs meals.
I don’t want a takeaway. For several reasons, a) I’ve never found one that I like as much as restaurant cooking or my own, b) I don’t like the salt content for either DD or I and c) I can usually make the same cheaper at home. Also it was supposed to be a treat for my birthday; I can get a takeaway any day of the week – there’s a Chinese and a fish and chip shop at the end of my road. I rarely go to restaurants as it seems such a waste just going me and DD so was looking forward to it. I’m also not bothered about the football.

So I said that I’d rather make my own at home and they could enjoy their takeaway while watching the match. I actually save myself money this way as I already have a chicken and a shoulder of pork in my freezer so I’d just need vegetables.

Mums disappointed apparently, says it’s not fair and I need to celebrate my birthday somehow. She has also text me since hanging up saying that she was looking forward to a “chilled” day with me and can’t I compromise this once?
I really am not bothered about a takeaway, to me it’s not a treat it’s a meal that you have when you don’t want to cook/haven’t got the time to cook. I rarely have one and DD has never had one (to my knowledge she may have had one when she goes to her dads/grandparents – she’s got some SN so probably won’t be able to tell me).

WWYD? Do I go and have the takeaway or make my own at home?

OP posts:
Coffeist · 20/06/2018 12:53

I would invite them over for just a cake. It's your day so up to you how you spend it! Hope you enjoy the day Smile

UtterlyRainbowed · 20/06/2018 12:55

So to celebrate your birthday. You have to pay. You have to have a takeaway you don't want and watch a match you don't want to to make someone else happy?

After all of that she has the gall to pout and accuse you of not compromising about your birthday celebration?

Bloody hell.

kerryleigh · 20/06/2018 13:01

Happy Birthday! Flowers

Do what you want and enjoy

SaltyPeanut · 20/06/2018 13:02

Happy birthday.

Your mum is wierd not to mention thoughtless towards you.

Tell her to enjoy her night in pandering to the men folk, beyond that it's all been said well already by previous posters.

GrannyGrissle · 20/06/2018 13:03

Just make something nice for you and DD.Your DM sounds like a complete ass. FlowersCakeWine

OliviaStabler · 20/06/2018 13:05

Is money tight for her? Most takeaways I know are quite generous in their portions so I'd think it rude (unless she has a very tight budget) that she could not stretch to pay for you both as it is your birthday.

wedontneedroads · 20/06/2018 13:06

Sounds a bit like my mum. She has the magical power to turn everything about her and still think she's doing you a favour... I feel for you. You are totally NBU.

I have a theory it's to do with them being that baby boomer generation... but my DH always tells me off for saying that...

Hope you get to do something you love for your birthday...

WizardOfToss · 20/06/2018 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsbetterthanabox · 20/06/2018 13:09

Happy Birthday op!
They are all being nasty. Saying you have to pay for your own meal after offering to take you out then Cancelling the meal for bloody football which you don't want to
Watch then saying you have to have a takeaway which you will pay for while she pays for other adults!!
Say you and DD will go out for dinner together or cook something nice. Or invite a friend over for a glass of wine.
She sounds so selfish. And putting your bro before you on your birthday! Is she very into pleasing men?

itsbetterthanabox · 20/06/2018 13:09

You grandad and brother are equally being mean. They could not watch football and they could get/cook you dinner.

frustratedashell · 20/06/2018 13:11

Its your day , you get to choose!
Stand up for your self. Happy birthday, have a lovely day

DinosaurAgain · 20/06/2018 13:11

My granddad couldn't cook as he has mobility issues, my mum and her sisters take it in turns to cook for him each night.

OP posts:
JakeBallardswife · 20/06/2018 13:11

Can they not go out around the football, no idea when its on but can you not go out for a meal before - brunch if its at lunchtime , or late lunch / early dinner if its late afternoon or evening?

OP you're certainly right to want to spend the day as you want for your birthday celebration - especially if you're paying for yourself. I think if your Mum was paying then you'd just have to suck it up, but you're not. So fully entitled to do what you want!

littlerocketman · 20/06/2018 13:13

Are you usually treated like this OP?

I think it's time to start standing up for yourself.

itsbetterthanabox · 20/06/2018 13:14

Brother could cook for you instead of your Mum paying for it?

Dontguessthis · 20/06/2018 13:16

@DinosaurAgain

I can NOT believe you have made a thread about this. We are your family. We just want to make it a happy day. The last thing I would want to see is you plastering this all over the world wide internet, for everyone to pass me off as a selfish, self centred mother.
I am far from that.

Do you not think any of us use the internet at all?
I can not believe you have done this.

Don't worry I will 're consider my offer for a takeaway and a chilled night.

How very very ungrateful.

And yes. I had to make an account to comment. It was DF who found this in the internet. How could i not comment? The things some people have said.

I'm so ashamed :(

trojanpony · 20/06/2018 13:17

What a shit “treat”
YANBU

Do something else and have a nice birthday FlowersCake

longwayoff · 20/06/2018 13:18

Buy yourself a box of chocs, bottle of wine, or whatever and tell your cheeky mother youll be happy for her to invite you out for your birthday meal when she can afford it. Outrageous. Neither of my children would speak to me again if I tried this on them. Quite rightly

Dontguessthis · 20/06/2018 13:19

You sister has just informed me that it was her that found this thread.

How can you write something like this, Then sit bare face to us like nothing has happened.

BakedBeans47 · 20/06/2018 13:20

I’d tell her to stick it and make yourself and your DD something lovely. What a shit way to mark your daughter’s birthday, by putting in zero effort and spending zero cash.

SaucyJack · 20/06/2018 13:21

Yeah, good call to change it from the GD to the sister that found the thread.

The idea of your grandad casually browsing MN was just too ridic to be believable.

YearOfYouRemember · 20/06/2018 13:22

So you should be.

KneesupGaston · 20/06/2018 13:27

@Dontguessthis hopefully you're a troll and not the Mum at all but if you are the Mum you bloody well should be ashamed! You're even making the thread all about you.

Jesus OP your mum sounds like a fucking nightmare.

Lunde · 20/06/2018 13:28

Sounds as though your family is very selfish OP

It's your birthday

But instead of doing something you will enjoy - your family

  • wants you to go to them while they watch football - because they enjoy it
  • want you to have a takeaway - because they like it
  • wants you to pay for yourself and dd - while dm pays for other family member

Exactly which part of this "treat" is a treat for you?

Merrz · 20/06/2018 13:28

So it's gone from . .
I'll take you out for a meal for your birthday . . .
I'll take you out for a meal but you have to pay your own . .
I'd prefer to watch the football so you come to me and we'll get a takeaway even though you don't really like them!
I'd stick to your guns, watching football with a takeaway is not your idea of a treat so you'll give it a miss.