Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want our stuff back?

175 replies

PowerTools · 20/06/2018 11:00

Bit of guidance needed because I'm sure I'm NBU but everyone is telling me otherwise and now I'm doubting myself.

Late last year DH's younger brother bought his first house and moved in with his partner. We lent him most of the contents of our garage so he could do up the house - gardening stuff, sanders, drills, basically all the major tools you need as we figured there was no point them spending money when they could borrow from us.

Anyway months have passed and we need stuff back to work on our own house however DBIL is now saying that he hasn't finished with the stuff yet as he hasn't had time to get everything done. The kicker is he's also saying that as we're better off we should just buy all the tools again! For context - DBIL is public sector and his partner is on minimum wage whereas we're both on around £35k.

I feel like we've done them a massive favour and they can always borrow the tools again at some point. DMIL is always on DBIL's side and has said that we can afford to buy new stuff but I don't want to have to spend hundreds. DH has always been expected to look after his brother and thinks we can easily buy another hedge strimmer (the current needed tool) but doesn't seem to grasp that we're also going to have to purchase everything again if we don't get stuff back.

AIBU? And how the heck do I get my stuff back short of raiding their house?!

OP posts:
Miserysquared · 20/06/2018 11:03

I would probably just gift them the stuff in your position, but if you don't want to do that just get your husband to give him a ring and say he's calling round on whatever day to pick up the hedge trimmer, and if they need to borrow it again just to ask? Doesn't seem massively complicated. not the sort of thing you should fall out over.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 20/06/2018 11:03

Congratulations, you have yourself a CF : )

Raid the house.

NomNomNomNom · 20/06/2018 11:04

Obviously YANBU. You did them a favour and they're massively taking the piss. I'd be more inclined to let DBil use the stuff for longer if he'd asked nicely ("oh I'm so sorry do you think I could just keep it a little longer I'll be as quick as possible"). Telling you to buy it all new is completely ridiculous - you may have more money than him but you're hardly millionaires.

youngestisapsycho · 20/06/2018 11:04

Just go round there and take it back! Why should you have to go and buy new stuff?

Blondebakingmumma · 20/06/2018 11:07

Pop by grab whatever tool you need for your task and drop them back when you are done. Surely DBIL cannot kick off over using your own tools

Flyme21 · 20/06/2018 11:08

He needs to learn that the world and his brother don't owe him a living. Go round, as for the stuff back face to face. If he's not finished tell him to ask to borrow back for a short time when he's actually going to do the work.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 20/06/2018 11:09

Just go and get your stuff, say they are yours, you need them now,...why should you be out of pocket twice (lose your original stuff to them and then have to buy them again)...take them back and let them buy them...

It's your stuff, don't be intimidated into letting them have it...it's beyond CF to say what they said to you about them.keeping it and you buy replacements...just turn up and get your stuff back, let them know you aren't a pushover

RandomMess · 20/06/2018 11:10

YANBU!!!

Just tell Home "don't be ridiculous, I'll pop over to collect x u z, when you need to BORROW it again come and collect"

peachescariad · 20/06/2018 11:10

wow what very rude people - YANBU in the slightest...they def are. The fact that you can afford to buy new tools is irrelevant. You lent them the tools in good faith and, rightly so, expect them back. I do however, think it's your DH's responsibility to ask for them back and not to back down to his DB or DM.
If you lend them again, I'd make it very clear that they are only on loan

Snugglepumpkin · 20/06/2018 11:16

Just say sorry, we'll be by on x date to pick it up because we need it.
Or say he can buy it off you for y amount (the price it will cost you to replace it.) & you'll pick up the money this payday.

I moved several years ago & I have still not finished doing odds & ends around the house that require tools.

You'll never get them back if you don't put your foot down & frankly if he can afford to buy a house he can find his own money for hedge trimmers etc...., it's not like he's homeless & jobless whilst you are on 200k a year.

I say this as someone who borrowed her dads drill a decade ago & used it yesterday now that I think of it.

Original poster
PowerTools · 20/06/2018 11:16

Ok mostly in agreement with me - thank you. You know when you're certain you're right but other people just really make you doubt yourself?

The daft thing is, in my family, nobody has duplicate power tools because we just share them around. Unfortunately they're the other end of the country otherwise we'd have borrowed theirs!

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 20/06/2018 11:17

Your in laws are totally ridiculous. Even if you could afford to buy them anew, why on earth should you?

Send DH round to get them back. Be clear with everyone that you arent expecting no for an answer. They can always borrow them again.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 20/06/2018 11:18

I would probably just gift them the stuff in your position

Why? They can borrow it again if it's needed!

YANBU. Just say you need it back and will be round on such and such a date to collect it.

ArcheryAnnie · 20/06/2018 11:19

YANBU!

It's probably easier just to say that you are coming to collect them to get a job done, and if BIL needs them again he can always come and borrow them again. (And if you are using them when he needs them, too bad...)

LaurieMarlow · 20/06/2018 11:19

I would probably just gift them the stuff in your position

I don't get this either. Why does every household need an expensive set of power tools?

BlooperReel · 20/06/2018 11:22

CF klaxon.

Seriously just turn up and say I am here to collect my drill/sander whatever it is, when you need them you can borrow them again. If he objects you can laugh and say 'DB, you aren't seriously trying to nick my tools are you?' and embarrass him.

If he persists, get it all back and never borrow the CF a thing again.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 20/06/2018 11:23

You need to go round there this weekend (Friday night, maybe, so you can use them on Saturday) and collect them. If they kick off, they kick off.

And I really wouldn't be so quick to lend them anything again.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 20/06/2018 11:24

Get them back, when he needs them again tough titty imo.
Or he can ask mil to buy him them.

DarlingNikita · 20/06/2018 11:27

he's also saying that as we're better off we should just buy all the tools again!

It's none of his fucking business what you can/should spend money on.

If your DH continues to be a milquetoast about it, go round yourself. Say 'I'm here to collect all the tools you borrowed from us.' Make clear from your manner that you mean it and that you will not leave without them. If he comes out with the shite about you buying them again just say, steelily, 'No, we're not buying new tools when we have all we need. I need them back now, please.' Be persistent.

Snausage · 20/06/2018 11:29

Yep, you have a CF for sure. I don't understand why he would have all of your tools at the same time. Surely you borrow what you need for a job and then return it and borrow something else you need for the next job? Your DH needs to stand up against the bullshit and get your stuff back. I would go over there and say you need you hedge trimmer and anything else you want and tell them they're welcome to borrow it again when they need to trim their hedge. To be fair, the reluctance to return items that don't belong to them would have me concerned that they'd been mistreated or broken or something.

spudlet7 · 20/06/2018 11:31

This is mental Shock I can't believe anyone would tell you to buy new tools rather than giving yours back. So bizarre. No, you are definitely not BU and your BIL is a CF!!!

KatharinaRosalie · 20/06/2018 11:32

He's such a CF I would not be surprised if he has ebayed the tools instead of actually using them.

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 20/06/2018 11:34

Has he had them nicked / sold them / lent them to someone else / broken them?

Trinity66 · 20/06/2018 11:34

No good deed goes unpunished eh? The cheek of you DBIL to suggest you buy new stuff, where do these people get the nerve to say shit like that?

shiklah · 20/06/2018 11:35

It's an expensive way to learn but you're better off to just let them keep it, but what you need again and never lend them anything (even £5) again. When they ask say "I'm using that for a project" and smile. Lend them nothing. When they get married give them a note saying they had their pressie when got their new house Grin

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.