To want our stuff back?

[PowerTools]

Bit of guidance needed because I'm sure I'm NBU but everyone is telling me otherwise and now I'm doubting myself.

Late last year DH's younger brother bought his first house and moved in with his partner. We lent him most of the contents of our garage so he could do up the house - gardening stuff, sanders, drills, basically all the major tools you need as we figured there was no point them spending money when they could borrow from us.

Anyway months have passed and we need stuff back to work on our own house however DBIL is now saying that he hasn't finished with the stuff yet as he hasn't had time to get everything done. The kicker is he's also saying that as we're better off we should just buy all the tools again! For context - DBIL is public sector and his partner is on minimum wage whereas we're both on around £35k.

I feel like we've done them a massive favour and they can always borrow the tools again at some point. DMIL is always on DBIL's side and has said that we can afford to buy new stuff but I don't want to have to spend hundreds. DH has always been expected to look after his brother and thinks we can easily buy another hedge strimmer (the current needed tool) but doesn't seem to grasp that we're also going to have to purchase everything again if we don't get stuff back.

AIBU? And how the heck do I get my stuff back short of raiding their house?!

Stop fucking about, tell your DH to go round and remove his tools

This is exactly why I don’t lend anything to DBil anymore. He either loses it, forgets it’s ours and gives it to someone else or just breaks it. He is a nightmare. I bought myself a gorgeous Barbour cap last year and when he came round one day to pick up Dh to go shooting he asked if he could borrow a cap because he’d forgotten his. I’ve never seen it since. I gave up asking.

What an entitled arsehole

Quick update: DH text BIL to arrange to pick up tools tomorrow after work and apparently they're not going to be in at all, all evening, oh and probably not around Saturday either, no not even before 8am. DH is now "popping round" tonight unannounced to get the hedge strimmer. I may have fuelled his sudden enthusiasm by pointedly looking out the window and wondering if the neighbours think that our bedraggled hedges are bringing down the tone of the street...

It's quite good that they did the avoiding trick, as it may bring home to him that they're preventing him from getting his own stuff back. I hope he's intending to take everything.

Low contact after this, and make sure your DH discusses with you before lending anything else so you can say Not on your nelly

The thing I find weird about this is that I have a CF uncle and it's pretty much the defining thing about his character so I've always been aware to be on guard with him. DBIL and partner are so far from CFs in everything except this one thing!

Although they did only originally ask to borrow the sander and stuff but when they came round (when I wasn't there) ended up taking everything else because it'd be useful. I thought that was strange at the time but just shrugged it off as different families different ways. Hmm.

What the..?

It needs to be made clear that keeping borrowed stuff isn't an option. Your DH needs to lead on that message, otherwise your in-laws etc will pick up on the gap.

If anyone mentions your finances again, a natural, reasonable reaction is to point out how crass it is to discuss or assume anything about people's finances... How on earth is whether you can afford to replace the tools relevant?

They borrowed stuff, now it needs to be returned. End of. Just keep repeating that and don't get drawn into justifications or defending it.

Borrowed stuff needs to be returned! Your and DH's new mantra!

Also, how does this even involve MIL?
Why is she even voicing an opinion?
It's nothing to do with her.

Not all opinions, even when said with power, are worthy of merit.

They've definitely sold it on.

ended up taking everything else because it'd be useful.
They should take your car while they're at it. You probably only need one.

@honeysucklejasmine

They've definitely sold it on.

Ouch! That never occurred to me. Surely they wouldn't have...would they?

I'd be stunned if they have sold it - it's just not in their nature to be grasping, they're normally incredibly generous and warm people. Hence my bafflement at them suddenly expecting to keep our stuff!

I reckon that they've sold some of the things at least. It sounds a bit suspicious.

Pop around to 'borrow" it back then give them the same excuse they've given you.
How fucking cheeky and rude of them!!

Just seen your post op, if that's the case just get your dh to check that it's all there.

Maybe it's broken and they're too chicken to admit it?

Either way- yanbu, they are cheeky fuckers, and I'm interested to read the update later!

Also- thanks to a pp for the new word: "milquetoast"! Never heard it before

Look at it this way. When they moved in you might have got them a housewarming present - like a pot plant or vase or something, £20 or so.

It would have been OTT to gift them a full set of power tools worth £1k or so - but that's what they're expecting you to do.

I'd say no and take the lot back.

I would be round and loading up - and not ever lending again seeing as they don't seem to understand the nature of the agreement.

On the other hand I have the opposite problem - a garage full of other peoples shit and they have left it with us for 10 plus years, expect it to be immaculate and half the time forgot it was there till I reminded them....

They’ve sold it on or let some friends borrow the stuff.

They are CF’ers indeed!

I can pretty much guarantee that hedge trimmer won't be there when he goes round tonight. They have either sold it or they have lent it to someone else.

trick i've learnt is who i can loan stuff out too and who not too !

a lot of my tools are my late grandfathers, so have huge sentimental value and being older of a far higher quality too. Yes I like my tools, i don't drink too much so that's my vice

I'd ask for your tools back, they've had them long enough to be able to find their own from a good second hand shop or main retailer

as for the state of your tools, expect the worst and allow for replacing a lot of them. If he's saying you should buy your own again, he's being a CF who needs a good slap with a spade

I strongly suggest DH retrieves it all tonight. After all, "it'd be useful".

Make sure it's not just the hedge trimmer he picks up. If he's had to go to such subterfuge to get that one thing back, he might as well bite the bullet and get it all back. Can't he see the fucked upness of this situation?

So, your tools are being stored in BIL's garage. You're not allowed to use them and they have to remain there until BIL gets time/ decides to use them.

If he doesn't have the time now, can't he just borrow each item when his diy window opens. They are yours and I presume you didn't buy them as ornaments for BIL.

Why did he appropriate borrow them if he didn't have the time to use them?

What a very cheeky effer; keep us updated Op. I have a sneaking suspicion that the tools in question have been broken. .