To want our stuff back?

[PowerTools]

Bit of guidance needed because I'm sure I'm NBU but everyone is telling me otherwise and now I'm doubting myself.

Late last year DH's younger brother bought his first house and moved in with his partner. We lent him most of the contents of our garage so he could do up the house - gardening stuff, sanders, drills, basically all the major tools you need as we figured there was no point them spending money when they could borrow from us.

Anyway months have passed and we need stuff back to work on our own house however DBIL is now saying that he hasn't finished with the stuff yet as he hasn't had time to get everything done. The kicker is he's also saying that as we're better off we should just buy all the tools again! For context - DBIL is public sector and his partner is on minimum wage whereas we're both on around £35k.

I feel like we've done them a massive favour and they can always borrow the tools again at some point. DMIL is always on DBIL's side and has said that we can afford to buy new stuff but I don't want to have to spend hundreds. DH has always been expected to look after his brother and thinks we can easily buy another hedge strimmer (the current needed tool) but doesn't seem to grasp that we're also going to have to purchase everything again if we don't get stuff back.

AIBU? And how the heck do I get my stuff back short of raiding their house?!

I was thinking even if you have to collect one item at a time, get your tools back.
Why waste your time and fuel trekking back and forth? Just retrieve it all in one go.

Rock up on their doorstep and tell them that you've come for your X, Y & Z. Watch them try to refuse to hand it back

When they want to borrow it again, simply said "sorry, we're using it right now, maybe when we're done"

CF-ery. YANBU

OK so let's say you just give them the stuff.

It would be fair enough to borrow it back from them then wouldn't it, instead of going out and buying a new set?

Are you sure he still has them? I'm rather suspicious TBH.

If anyone suggests (demands) again that you let the CFs keep the tools treat it as a joke and laugh out loud. Verbalise the fact that nobody could be THAT cheeky. They need it spelling out to them.

I'd go round, take them back and not lend them again

I hadn't considered the possibility he'd wrecked stuff or sold them. I'm doubtful because he's normally a nice guy - it's just this one thing - but he did complain that the sander "didn't work" because he needed to buy new sanding sheets so god knows what he's done to that.

Get them back and never ever lend him anything again. Its not worth falling out over but if it did come to that, it'd be his fault. My BIL once borrowed a power tool off us, kept it so long my dh had forgotten he'd lent it him. It was when my dh wanted it himself and i told him Bil had it. The cheeky sod said he'd given it him back ages ago.

The worst of it was, when my dh asked if he could borrow his ladders once, BIL said he'd be charging for them at a daily rate.

I'd insist on having everything back in one go, as you are about to embark on major works and you don't have time to keep going back and forth.

His suggestion that you buy them again takes the absolute piss!

I wouldn't lend them anything again TBH- I'd be permanently using it. Happy to lend to stuff out, but not when it doesn't come back.

Every Christmas, birthday etc from now on, BIL and SIL would be getting a power tool between them as a present.

I think he's wrecked them a doesn't want to have to pay to replace them.
you need to be firm when you are at his house ask for the tools there and then, so he can't prevaricate.
If he says 'you should just buy new tools' the answer is, 'no we have already bought tools, we don't need to rebuy them, just give us ours back'

I'd say to MIL (you may want to phrase it more politely) 'what the fuck has it got to do with you? Beak out'.

Go round tonight, prefereable when he's about to have dinner, collect the tools as you need them "this evening". Point out he's unlikely to use them this evening and can come back to yours to borrow them again when he's ready to use them. But you need stuff back when he's finished with them for that day.

Catch him on the hop and just take it all. He'll whinge. Point out it's not his, you need them back, and he's acting like a twat.

If he's wrecked stuff, it's HIS responsibility to replace it , not yours.

Drive round there when you know he will be in and collect everything. Its your stuff you have been kind enough to lend it to him - now you want it back. He is bloody cheeky. I wouldn't lend him anything again.

I knew someone who had this problem.

He borrowed a ladder from the naughty neighbour and locked it away. After a week or so the naughty neighbour knocked and asked for his ladder back.

"Certainly"
said my friend
"Just as soon as you bring back all the stuff you borrowed from me."

If he has wrecked it, ask for the money don't let him buy replacements (We once lent expensive tools to a work colleague of XH's and he 'lost' them, said he'd buy new ones and gave XH a bag of really cheap crappy tools in replacement)

Go round and get them. If he refuses or starts grumbling tell him m you're really disappointed at his inability to recognise he's being cheeky and taki the piss out of someone that has helped him. Tell him that's how people end up falling out and tell him it's time he grew up and stood on his own feet.

'We did not give you the tools. We loaned them. We need them back. We will be there on X date to collect our belongings.'

You know what he's like already and yet you loaned them the tools.
Put it down to experience and don't get involved next time.
Go get your tools back, they'll have to buy their own, whatever their salary, everyone else has too.
nothing to do with mil, tell her she can buy them some tools.

There is now way I would buy new tools. They are your tools and you want them back. Tools are very expensive, yes, but it's irrelevant that you are earning more. You have already said they can borrow them back any time after. Very rude and very ungrateful.

Actually, rather than when you know BIL, go round when you know his DP will be in, and ideally he won't. Just a light and breezy, "oh hi SIL, I've just come to pick up the tools we lent BIL, we've got some jobs we need to get sorted quickly! Are they in the shed? Be sure to tell BIL he can pop back over if he needs to use them again."

Get them back, and then see if BIL seems to think he has a right to them.

ugh i agree with you so much, OH brother likes to borrow money from him, then says he'll pay back a certain day, then when OH asks him where his money is, his brother flips and turns it into an argument? im sorry?? that winds me up massively.

Some people have no morals, especially when it comes to family, you should respect each others possessions and money, if you dont, then quite frankly you are a bit of a d i c k

It doesn't matter how cheeky the request is, it's the fact that your DH has effectively agreed because "he can't grasp" the implications of giving away your stuff (what on earth can't he grasp? Does dimness run in the family? ) that's your actual problem.

Tools are really expensive!

Can you ask for them back yourself? Would they be more likely to give them back to you rather than your husband.

Does dimness run in the family?

To be fair the BIL hasn’t been that dumb! He has saved himself a lot of money so far and even managed to get enough other people onboard so that the OP is doubting herself.

Wow! Just wow! 😳 if course yanbu

You do know OP that "public sector" is not short hand for poorly paid?