To want our stuff back?

[PowerTools]

Bit of guidance needed because I'm sure I'm NBU but everyone is telling me otherwise and now I'm doubting myself.

Late last year DH's younger brother bought his first house and moved in with his partner. We lent him most of the contents of our garage so he could do up the house - gardening stuff, sanders, drills, basically all the major tools you need as we figured there was no point them spending money when they could borrow from us.

Anyway months have passed and we need stuff back to work on our own house however DBIL is now saying that he hasn't finished with the stuff yet as he hasn't had time to get everything done. The kicker is he's also saying that as we're better off we should just buy all the tools again! For context - DBIL is public sector and his partner is on minimum wage whereas we're both on around £35k.

I feel like we've done them a massive favour and they can always borrow the tools again at some point. DMIL is always on DBIL's side and has said that we can afford to buy new stuff but I don't want to have to spend hundreds. DH has always been expected to look after his brother and thinks we can easily buy another hedge strimmer (the current needed tool) but doesn't seem to grasp that we're also going to have to purchase everything again if we don't get stuff back.

AIBU? And how the heck do I get my stuff back short of raiding their house?!

This one could run and run.

Please get him to collect everything tonight - take the fucker by surprise

I suspect they have been broken too. And, if they have, make sure DH tells them that it is their job to replace any broken items.

How peculiar that they're not going to be at home to visitors during this time.

DH is now "popping round" tonight unannounced to get the hedge strimmer.

Well, good, to a point, but stop pissing about and get ALL the fucking stuff back! Can you not go with him to make sure it happens, if he's too much of a wimp? (sorry if I've missed something and you can't).

Don't mean to de-rail but:

If your DH continues to be a milquetoast about it...

Milquetoast! What a FABULOUS word. How is it pronounced anyone as I want to use it at the next suitable opportunity.

Oh and my bet with the hedge trimmer is that they have broken it and are too embarrassed to own up.

It's pr milk toast. Came across it a lot in my teenage Georgette Heyer days 😀

This won't end well...

Can you go with him tonight and scoop it all up?

You borrow something, you give it back.
You break/damage something, you pay for it.
Repeat as required.

Another thing is, and apologies if this seems rude OP, but they don't seem to have much of a concept of what your earnings can afford and what the tools would cost. Just that to them, you're rich, and rich people can afford all sorts of things.

I mean, it's probably about £1k? No way could my fiance and I just whip that sort of money up to replace all of our tools in one go. We haven't even bought that many because we're getting them as we need them.

Grab the lot of it and don’t lend it out again!

Wow I can’t get over the cheek some people have.

I hope when your dh goes over tonight he takes everything with him.

Sadly I can't go with him as I'm just travelling back from work meetings in London. I'm hoping he stands his ground as he has a tendency to be a people pleaser. Love the milquetoast word - very apt.

Also to the PP who said about earnings - no offence taken at all. Yes technically we could afford to replace the tools over the next year but half the reason we bought stuff in the first place was to save money doing things ourselves!

Perhaps, if he doesn’t hand them over, they could be his Christmas/birthday presents for years.....

If you were millionaires it still wouldn't be ok to keep your property. If it's not nipped o the bud now you will have years of relatives laying claim to your things!

Never a borrower nor a lender be

Ok who said stuff would be wrecked? Award yourselves 10 MN CF prediction points. Just had a raging DH on the phone and you were right unfortunately. Hedge trimmers have been ruined because the idiots tried to use them to cut down a tree by the sounds of it. Our lovely telescopic secateurs have been chucked out because they broke trying to complete the same task.

DH has taken back everything he could spot that was ours but thinks a lot is past use. He's really upset - said they had all the stuff just piled on the floor in their shed and loads of it hadn't been cleaned off.

I was kinda expecting something like this thanks to your warnings but I'm really quite shocked they've done this. They must have known they were mistreating stuff and somehow it didn't occur to them to say something?!

Take pics for when they deny it to mil.

Sorry OP, that's rubbish. Your poor DH

I'm sorry that they have not looked after your things.

I would find out the cost to replace all the thing they have broken or damaged and bill them for at least 50% if not all the cost to replace.

I'm sorry op, take photos and bill them for the cost of replacing

That's awful, the Cheeky Fuckers.

Imo, if you borrow something and you break it, you replace it with a new one.

At least DP knows never to lend them the replacements he buys.

That's bloody appalling, but not unexpected, unfortunately.

Your poor DH. Not only would I take photos to show MIL, I would also price everything up and tell her, together with BIL, how much it will cost to replace.

And promise MN you'll never lend them so much as a penny again!

They will never pay up if you try to invoice them. I would photograph all the damage, however. I really hope your husband has learned his lesson from this, that he is not responsible for looking after his adult brother, and never loans him another thing again.

I'm really pissed off about it all but I think DH is mostly hurt. He's got a pretty good relationship with his brother and I think he feels a bit betrayed.

I'll assess the damage with DH once I'm home and take photos but don't think we'll have any luck getting money out of them. I'm not gonna think of the conversation with MIL - she'll almost certainly find a way to make everything DH's fault...